Feeling lost...Am i still a vegan?

Dary_lost vegan

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Have you ever felt like falling from the big rock and no one can save you?
Yeah,a bit dramatic,but that's what i felt one day ago.
But first of all,here's my story.
I hadnt been a vegan for a very long time.Just since the 25th of September 2015.Till...and then the problem appears.I "cheated" one day ago.I know "cheating" is fine talking about diets.But veganism is not a diet.It's a lifestyle.It's like you're either racist or not.You rape people or not.
So the question is WHY did i do that?
The thing is i'm a convinced vegan,i know i wont give up veganism.But i live in Russia and the percentage of vegans here is less than 3% i believe.So there is only 1 vegetarian cafe in my city.And i know there's no excuse for "cheating" because if a lerson strongly believes in smth there is no reason the belief can be betrayed.Yes,i feel the pressure every day cause for some people it's ok to say things like:"You are not a human being for me any more"after finding out i'm a vegan.Or ask questions like:"Mm,you havent died yet,vegan" and then tell me i'm nuts and have some serious issues because of "deprivation of meat".
It actually sucks.
But there's still no excuse for doing what i've done.
So after "cheating" i felt horrible.As if i've done something wrong.I felt sick.I felt like a ****.
And i realised i would never transit into being a meat eater.
I was sure it wouldnt repeat again.
And here comes "never".
I am still a loser today.It was my hands which took cheese and put it into my mouth.The only person to blame is me.Loser.Why have i done this while being 1000% awared of the suffering animals-living creatures come through just so people can later enjoy a cheese burger.Why have i done this after seeing that pain in the eyes of a poor cow being milked just so people could drink coffee with some milk?
Why do i give up?
It was the second time i "cheated"on my vegan way.Every time i do it i realide what the consequences will be like.For the second time i ignore voice inside my head and heart.
I'm lost,scared and depressed.
What should i do,any supportive great people out there?Willing to give advice or just cry with me?
If anyone finds me,please,let me know...so lost...
 
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bratvada

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Don't beat yourself up about it. I have issues with the black/white fundamental nature of the way some people portray veganism. You are either in or out. It does not wash with me. Life is a journey not a destination.

Meat is not suddenly evil - it is a common food, but in the modern world we can choose to be without it.

I would play devils advocate and argue that no-one is 100% vegan contrary to what they believe or brag about.

Keep being honest, and good luck on your journey.
 
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Dary_lost vegan

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Thank you so much for your support!
Going 100% vegan is one of my goals for the near future.It actually starts now.
Everyone makes mistakes you're right but once you understand it's not neccesarry to make one.I've made mistake twice and now i'm as determined as never.It's time to overcome fears,dont care what some people say and truly believe in myself.Seems like goals for 2016,right?
 

bratvada

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Yes - it does not matter what other people think.
Don't get bogged down over the small stuff - it is not worth it.
 

bratvada

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Actually a lot of meat is evil. What I meant was, that in the past - animals were treated a lot better, and had decent lives. These days it is a horror show.
 

Sally

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Every day is a new day. I've been vegan for nearly five months now. My husband is not vegan so we have meat and eggs and dairy in the house and I do the cooking so have to prepare the food, also I have a cat. When I was first vegan I found it easy to prepare their foods, but as time is going by I'm finding it harder and harder to handle meat and eggs, etc. So, as time goes on you may find that cheese holds no attraction for you, you will probably have no desire to even handle such food, let alone eat it.

Many people don't understand what vegan means. I tell people I'm vegan and they still offer me a cheese sandwich and put milk in my tea. I think the world is waking up to what is happening with animal abuse and the health risks from eating them, we are the start of something big I am sure.

So don't worry, it'll come. Over here there are more outlets for vegan foodstuffs so it is easier. I've been told that it is impossible to be 100% vegan as there are many hidden ingredients in food and medicine that you may not know about. You can only do your best. And you are not being judged by others, you are doing the best you can each day, I bought a jumper the other day, then realised that I had decided not to buy wool any more. I felt awful until I got home and found it was acrylic, but I bought it without thinking. We are all people doing our best, we are not saints.

You are a good human.