"Sexual racism" - is it really racism?

[Second Summer]

“Please don’t think this is racist but…”

That was the disclaimer that an Asian man sent to Rokashi Edwards, 25, a black programmer living in Toronto, before telling him that he would never consider having sex with a black man. Shocked, Edwards tried to push back on the man’s claim that he wasn’t being racist but he ran up against the same obstacle that many gay men of color face in the world of online dating.

“It’s just a preference,” he was told.

“While it may feel like our desires are our own, in reality they are influenced heavily by social norms,” explained Callander. “For me, the findings of this study are a reminder that even though society and individuals may actively reject racism, racial prejudices are increasingly subtle and they can find their way into even the most private and personal corners of our lives.”

More: ‘No Blacks’ Is Not a Sexual Preference. It’s Racism (9. September 2015)

So if a person's desires are racist, then do they just have to accept that they're racists, or is there a way to change their desires? I mean, such desires would likely be rather deeply wired in their subconscious.

 

[Blobbenstein]

people should just date people they are attracted to, shouldn't they..?

I find some black women quite attractive, but on the whole I would probably more often have been attracted to white women...Polish women look nice. Indian and middle eastern women are quite attractive too....

I do like brown eyes.

 

[beancounter]

Personal preference is bias. But so what? People have bias about everything, from the shoes they wear to the types of food they eat.

When someone chooses Coke over Pepsi, do people call them soda-ist? If someone likes Indian food more than Mexican food, are they racist? Of course not.

The whole notion is ridiculous, victim trolling, PC run amok silliness.

People will find a reason to be butt hurt about anything...

 

[Mischief]

But this isn't about preference. Saying "I would never have sex with a [insert race/ethnicity]" is an absolute statement, not a preference.

For example, I don't think you would find many people who prefer blondes saying, "I would never have sex with or date a brunette."

IMO, when someone puts it into such absolutist terms it is indeed about racism, not about having a preference for a given physical type.

 

[Blobbenstein]

But this isn't about preference. Saying "I would never have sex with a [insert race/ethnicity]" is an absolute statement, not a preference.

it could just save time, if the chances are eg 95%.

 

[Mischief]

it could just save time, if the chances are eg 95%.

I wonder how many people end up with the physical type that they theoretically find most attractive. I know that there is a specific physical type that I find more attractive than anyone else (in theory at least). However, none of the people with whom I've been in a relationship, or even on whom I've had a crush of any kind*, has fit that physical mold. In practice, other things have mattered more.

*The sole exception was a seventh grade classmate on whom I had a crush.

 

[Pirate]

Huh I guess I'm in the minority, and agree that it's racism.

I don't have an issue with someone saying 'I generally tend to go for people with Caucasian skin, but if I clicked with someone who was black or we had a lot in common I'd give them a chance" and another thing to say "No blacks".

It would be near impossible to find someone who met their physical ideal one hundred percent. I appreciate there has to be *some* level of attraction there but to discount a person solely due to the colour of their skin (or presumptions you have made due to this) is racist. and fussy.

 

[Second Summer]

Huh I guess I'm in the minority, and agree that it's racism.

I don't have an issue with someone saying 'I generally tend to go for people with Caucasian skin, but if I clicked with someone who was black or we had a lot in common I'd give them a chance" and another thing to say "No blacks".

It would be near impossible to find someone who met their physical ideal one hundred percent. I appreciate there has to be *some* level of attraction there but to discount a person solely due to the colour of their skin (or presumptions you have made due to this) is racist. and fussy.

But if it's racist to discount a potential mate based on their skin colour, is it not also racist to let their skin colour count against them as a negative factor, even if it's not enough for you on its own to discount them?

 

[Calliegirl]

There are tactful ways of presenting your preferences though, without putting down an entire group of people. "I find blondes with blue eyes really hot, Brown eyes always turn me on, I'm particularly attracted to clean shaven men, I prefer men with lots of facial hair, etc."
There's no reason to say I would never sleep with X race, unless you wanted to purposely denigrate them.

 

[Val]

I do like brown eyes.

Geez! It means you wouldn't like me. I have green eyes

 

[Blobbenstein]

green eyes are nice too..

I have pale blue eyes....brown hair....I'm a contradiction.

 

[Blobbenstein]

but I gather that it is quite common to have blue eyes and brown hair.......

 

[Val]

I have many mixed DNAs too. And it really means that i'm not the one of the 12 facial archetypes. But it appeared to be that i'm a natural very light blonde with pale skin and green eyes.

 

[Moll Flanders]

Geez! It means you wouldn't like me. I have green eyes

Green eyes are very unusual, I think I have only seen a few people with green eyes in my life. I've seen hazel eyes quite a lot but not proper green.

 

[hungryraccoon]

I agree with liz. It is racist to completely write off dating anyone of a certain race imo. Yes, you can generally be more attracted to whatever....but to say you'd never date someone who is black is blatantly racist. So their skin colour is the only reason? You write them off before you even meet them to see if you're attracted to them? If you're not attracted to a person, obviously you wouldn't date them...it doesn't matter what race they are. Also, why point out their race as a reason not to date them - just tell them you're not attracted to them! Wow.

(I am in a multicultural relationship [emoji14] & speaking of green eyes - James has green eyes. & he's black.)

 

[Val]

Green eyes are very unusual, I think I have only seen a few people with green eyes in my life. I've seen hazel eyes quite a lot but not proper green.

I thought green eyes were quite common for people with nordic DNA. Anyway, both of my parents and my sister have pale-blue eyes. And they are not as blond as me. Most of all, i'm looking like i am from another family

 

[Val]

I am in a multicultural relationship

Oh, i can get it: my bf is foreign too

 

[Moll Flanders]

James has green eyes. & he's black.

That is a very striking look IMO.

 

[hungryraccoon]

That is a very striking look IMO.

I agree. Beautiful [emoji14]

 

[hungryraccoon]

I have many mixed DNAs too. And it really means that i'm not the one of the 12 facial archetypes. But it appeared to be that i'm a natural very light blonde with pale skin and green eyes.

Lovely!