Write a headline for when pb is too common to report

Lou

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So I just read an article. The headline really didn't have much to do with the body of the article but the headline got me thinking.

It was
It got me thinking, what would the last headlines look like.

Just imagining a few put a smile on my face. So I thought it might be fun to come up with a few. Then I thought that this could be a fun challenge. The funniest one. The most likely. the most anticipated. The most obvious. etc. You could even assign a category (or make up your own) just for more fun.

You don't have to write the whole article. Just the headline. Maybe a sub-headline or first sentence would be good if it needs it.

I've already got a bunch of ideas but to get the ball rolling....
 

rogerjolly

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CHEF FOUND GUILTY OF ANIBALISM


Ramsay Gordon was charged under the Protection of Animals Act of 3019

In mitigation he claimed he was driven to kill, cook and eat a rabbit out of intellectual curiosity attempting to understand how people could once have lived like that

Also claimed he had not fed any of it to his unwitting customers

Now filled with remorse
 
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Emma JC

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Beans Beans the Musical Fruit
The EveryMeal Concert


30 top musicians came together to toot their horns to the new "ultimate protein source" and to celebrate the final factory farm being shut down. Everyone felt very good and said their hearts felt even better than before.
Emma JC
 
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Lou

Lou

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We haven't added to this in a while.

Of course, this whole thread was just tongue in cheek. But I'm a little saddened that my very first "prediction" is now less likely to happen.

On March 1, I wrote
Smithfield Foods Declares Bankruptcy
CEO laments, "We Thought Plant-Based Was Just A Fad"

Now it turns out that this is not going to happen. PETA reported on August 17th that Smithfield is launching a line of vegan meats.

You know I have a lot of mixed feelings when any big nasty meat (or dairy) company gets involved in animal-free products. I was conflicted when Tyson invested in Beyond Meat. And I still shun Silk whenever possible after it was purchased by WhiteWave and then by Dean. I'm pretty sure I will never have an Awesome Burger (Nestle).

But you know, i kind of want Smithfield to have some success with Plant-based meats. like maybe if they make enough money from their Pure Farmland line they won't have to kill so many pigs. But I don't think I'll ever buy a Smithfield product.

Anyway, in keeping with this theme.

Smithfield Foods Closes Last Pig Slaughterhouse
CEO Insists That Raising Pigs Is Too Expensive.


And here is the link to the PETA article.

 
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SapphireLightning

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HUMAN EXTINCTION IN NEXT 3 YEARS
NESTLE CEO BLAMES CONSUMERS FOR NOT BUYING ENOUGH OF THEIR VEGAN PRODUCTS.

April 20th, 2035
Editorial by Crack McPhilin
Today the CEO of Nestle
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