Went vegan and husband did not

[Ashley012115]

What do you do if you went vegan but your spouse didn't? Most of the time I can ignore it but sometimes I just don't understand how he doesn't care about the animals. I know this was me not long ago but it makes me cry that he has no empathy for them! he just says there is nothing I can do and that the animals will keep dying and that he doesn't care. . Am I crazy for thinking he is a bad person?

 

[Deleted member 3018]

It's up to you what you do. It's clear that you have started to see things differently, you have grown as a person. Your husband reminds you of your past self that you may want to forget, maybe because you feel guilt for eating animal based broducts for all those years? What you can do is to process your feelings and thoughts and try to forgive yourself.
I find it a pity that people oftentimes consider divorce instead of resolving their problems. Ofcourse I wouldn't encourage anyone to stay in a abusive relationship, but usually people, when they want to break up, they are trying to escape themselves, not their loved one.

When you say that he doesn't care about animals, when and how does he say that? In what kind of situation you ask him questions? These things can be hard to understand for him, because he hasn't been thinking them through. Sometimes humans are just so tired and busy with their own problems that they can't convey what they really think or compute what the other person is feeling or trying to say.
One thing that I have discovered is that when you want to talk about something important, you can ask "Do you have time? I want to talk about someting with you." Avoid pressuring him into a conversation. He might say "no I don't have time right now. Can you ask again later?"

What do you mean that you think that he is a bad person?
Is he pressuring you into eating meat? Is he making fun of your decision? If so, he might be indeed a bad company to keep. If not, can you tell what you meant?
You aren't crazy, but you might be confused and that's completely okay. Things are going to get better once you have brought your feelings into consciousness.

I'm sorry if I seem insensitive, and I must explain that this isn't my purpose. I'm trying to bring my insights to light. I know these kind of things escalate quickly and are hurtful. It can also be difficult to see and smell the old products that you used to enjoy. As it can be conflicting when your loved one sees dead corpses as food.
In here I wrote something more personal. I'm sorry if I completely misinterpreted what you were saying and what you were asking. Why I usually avoid giving direct advices on relationship matters is that they are complicated. It's easy to find comfort in someone elses truth instead of seeking truth from within, but that's ultimately destructive.
I wish you all the best.

And welcome to the forum!
I'm glad that you have made an ethical decision to become a vegan.

 

[Holistic-Healing]

My husband isn't vegan, so I get you.

Initially, I went vegan because I was listening to my intuition with what my body wanted. It wasn't about the environment or animal ethics - the thought of eating what used to be a living creature disgusted me.

However, when I started working on getting my vegan nutritionist certification and started learning about everything, my reasons shifted.

I cook my husband meat - no matter how much it disgusts me - because I understand that the decision to go vegan was mine and I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want.

However, since I do most of the cooking, he eats what I make. Yes, he'll often have a piece of meat with it, he eats a LOT more vegan than I think he realizes.

 

[VeganVIbe]

My partner didn't originally go vegan with me, but he ate vegan at home with me because he was too lazy to cook. He's seen the difference in energy levels and the way he felt - so he's gone full vegan with me, and even stopped his favourite Snickers. On top of that, after watching Food Choices, Forks Over Knives, Cowspiracy and Earthlings - he will probably never touch animal products again. I know I got lucky in this case, and I'm proud of his transition, but then I just think some people are immune to the Vegan truth sadly I'd make him watch Earthlings and Food Choices

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[mavrick45]

perhaps time is the answer. anecdotal, but it took me living with a vegan for 3 years before I fully committed.

 

[Mbeth]

I transitioned to vegan in January with absolutely no warning or indications to prepare my family. I can't expect them to come to the same realization at the exact same time as me. My husband is 50 years old, and my kids are 15 and almost 17- it would be really unfair to make them totally change the way they have been eating their entire lives. So I just kept making most of the same foods, but left the meat and dairy off of my plate, and never tried to bribe, guilt or bully them into eating vegan. So here we are only 4 months later, and my husband has decided to be completely dairy free, and is both meat and dairy free for breakfast and lunch. For years I have packed him a grilled chicken salad every day for lunch, but about a month ago he asked if I would substitute the chicken for tofu. My kids leave for vacation next week with their grandparents for two weeks, and my husband mentioned how much he was going to enjoy just eating vegan when they are gone- and he was the one who suggested it. He's also indicated that he feels like once the kids grow up he's going to be done with eating meat. Sometimes I wonder- why wait? But he has his own realizations to come to, and needs to do them on his time. He's a marathoner and tri-athlete, and just read Rich Rolls book, so I actually think he's going to come around a lot sooner than he thinks.

As for the kids, the younger boy has quietly cut way back on meat and dairy consumption. As for the older boy- he's resisting as hard as he can, but I'm not too worried. So many of their friends (and that generation in general) are leaning vegetarian/vegan, so I really think they're going to be led to that choice by their peers rather than by me.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know your husband, but him not transitioning to veganism at the same time as you does not make him a bad person. Have some empathy for the place he is in and let him decide for himself.

 

[MagdalenaACat]

What do you do if you went vegan but your spouse didn't?


It's more than real insanity to have a non-vegan partner or husband/wife. I can't talk about it because I will be surely banned from the forum. We have the real freedom of speech on Earth! Even here, on a vegan forum....

Most of the time I can ignore it

That's unspeakable!



but sometimes I just don't understand how he doesn't care about the animals.


Sometimes..!!!. Once again, I would comment upon it, but nobody wants to hear the truth, so I would ONLY be banned from the forum.


I know this was me not long ago but it makes me cry that he has no empathy for them!

He is pathological without any limits. It is not about a lack of empathy. Wake up!


he just says there is nothing I can do and that the animals will keep dying and that he doesn't care. . Am I crazy for thinking he is a bad person?

That's a helpless case! His approach is just debilism and he is your husband. Keep on "dreaming"!