My partner broke up with me as I’m vegetarian.

[Dancer123]

Hello,

I have been dating a vegan bf for about half a year and he never had a problem dating me as a recently turned vegetarian, but now he’s been name calling me ‘cruel’ etc and blaming me as I’m not vegan rather vegetarian and has been threatening to end our relationship on this! Been a toxic last couple of weeks for sure and he has started to be controlling/speculating untrue things about other aspects of my life not just veganism! Feeling heartbroken about this…

I have a few health issues and I’m not ready to transtition yet as I found the transition pretty hard to a vegetarian diet recently! I told him this but he doesnt seem to understand and wants a time frame when I’ll be vegan

He doesn’t seem to care that I’m really upset about this, any advice? I do love him but I don’t want to be controlled/pushed into anything before I’ve done my own research.

I understand maybe the best thing to do is let him go and he can find a fellow vegan girl right now, I’m just feeling so hurt.

 

[Emma JC]

anyone who is cruel in one aspect of life is apt to be cruel in other aspects as well - disrespect is disrespect, no matter the topic...

veganism is just his excuse... IMO

I wish you all the best moving forward ...

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[Brian W]

Totally with @Emma JC on this. Time to move on and find somebody who cares about you.

 

[silva]

Hello,

I have been dating a vegan bf for about half a year and he never had a problem dating me as a recently turned vegetarian, but now he’s been name calling me ‘cruel’ etc and blaming me as I’m not vegan rather vegetarian and has been threatening to end our relationship on this! Been a toxic last couple of weeks for sure and he has started to be controlling/speculating untrue things about other aspects of my life not just veganism! Feeling heartbroken about this…

I have a few health issues and I’m not ready to transtition yet as I found the transition pretty hard to a vegetarian diet recently! I told him this but he doesnt seem to understand and wants a time frame when I’ll be vegan

He doesn’t seem to care that I’m really upset about this, any advice? I do love him but I don’t want to be controlled/pushed into anything before I’ve done my own research.

I understand maybe the best thing to do is let him go and he can find a fellow vegan girl right now, I’m just feeling so hurt.

Take vegan out of that and it reads the same. He's not just angry because he hurts for cows .
You deserve someone who wants to be with you because you're you, not because of some idea they have in their head

You're here!

 

[Lou]

yeah, I think you should go your different ways.

but....

It's just milk and eggs. You've done the hardest part.
Milk isn't even that hard with all the non dairy stuff.
And eggs aren't good for you anyway.

 

[Second Summer]

Lifestyle compatibility can be a major issue. So, I can see why a relationship might not work out if two partners are not on the same page about this.

But transitioning from omnivore to vegetarian, and from vegetarian to vegan can also be a major issue and a huge effort. Especially if it's rushed. There are so many aspects to consider, so many things to learn.

I was vegetarian for 8 years before I went properly vegan. This was a long time ago in a much less vegan-friendly place, though. It's definitely *possible* (but harder) to transition faster, or even go more directly from meat-eating to veganism. That said, I think it makes a lot of sense to take your time.

And I wouldn't want to go vegan for some other person. That is not a recipe for long-term success, in my opinion. I would want to go vegan for my own reasons, reasons that are entirely independent of other people.

 

[q_nekochan]

Move on. I think you're just not compatible in that sense. You deserve somebody who will like you the way you are. He's not worth it. Good luck and have strength

 

[shyvas]

yeah, I think you should go your different ways.

but....

It's just milk and eggs. You've done the hardest part.
Milk isn't even that hard with all the non dairy stuff.
And eggs aren't good for you anyway.

Further to discussions that I`ve had with vegetarians, it`s all about cheese.

 

[Lou]

Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time I heard, "I'd be vegan, if not for the cheese"

wallace-and-gromit-gif-24562389

Nowadays there are plenty of vegan cheeses, too.

 

[shyvas]

Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time I heard, "I'd be vegan, if not for the cheese"

wallace-and-gromit-gif-24562389

Nowadays there are plenty of vegan cheeses, too.

Well, it all depends on where you live.

When I`m in the UK, I find artisan style vegan cheezes galore. Where I reside they only have
a limited selection of plastic tasting ones. Even in the area where I`m staying in CA there is a very poor selection and I haven`t found any artisan ones.

I miss having my cheezeboard with charcoal crackers!

 

[Lou]

Charcoal crackers??

I am completely satisfied with what is available in California. But I was never a cheese head or big consumer of cheese all by itself.

Those one inch cubes of cheese - we used to call them fat bombs.

I've got my Go Veggie Parmesan sub for pasta
my Field Roast Chao slices for sandwiches
Myokos liquid mossarella for pizza
Daiya Mexican style shreds for burritos.

That's all I need. but I know Wallace would not be happy.

 

[shyvas]

Charcoal crackers??

I am completely satisfied with what is available in California. But I was never a cheese head or big consumer of cheese all by itself.

Those one inch cubes of cheese - we used to call them fat bombs.

I've got my Go Veggie Parmesan sub for pasta
my Field Roast Chao slices for sandwiches
Myokos liquid mossarella for pizza
Daiya Mexican style shreds for burritos.

That's all I need. but I know Wallace would not be happy.

Charcoal crackers taste great with artisan style cheeze.

I find that cheese tastes quite different in the US compared to those in Europe. Most of the people that I`ve visited only eat a very
limited selection which boils down to one or two different ones. However dishes with melted cheese seem very poplular.

 

[alleycat]

Even if you went vegan today to keep this relationship he would soon find something else to use against you. He sounds like my ex and the more you try to please him the more abusive he will be.

 

[beforewisdom]

He treated you quite poorly.

It was NOT okay because it is about veg*sm. Imagine if he treated you like that over any other issue.

You are better off without him.

 

[VeganRachel]

He wants someone as a partner that has made a commitment to Veganism and you are not it.
It can be disgusting to watch someone consume something that was created through cruelty.
Its' nothing personal, but some humans can go vegan and some can't.
I guarantee you its; more tha just the veganism issue. Find someone else as he will, cheers.

 

[Dancer123]

Thank you for your advice guys, he told me could cope me taking time to transition but then all of a sudden he couldn’t and so I got upset with him and he blocked me and his last text was “you’re so manipulative, I don’t want to speak to you ever again”. This is so hurtful and it is going to take a lot of healing to get over this. Thank you for your advice guys.

 

[Brian W]

Thank you for your advice guys, he told me could cope me taking time to transition but then all of a sudden he couldn’t and so I got upset with him and he blocked me and his last text was “you’re so manipulative, I don’t want to speak to you ever again”. This is so hurtful and it is going to take a lot of healing to get over this. Thank you for your advice guys.

There are better times ahead. If you need any support, we are here for whatever use we can be. Take your time. Take as much time as you need and be kind to yourself. If vegan is a chore, it will be unsustainable. You need to experiment with finding the foods that you can enjoy on a regular basis. You might then find yourself transitioning quite naturally and easily like I did.

 

[silva]

Thank you for your advice guys, he told me could cope me taking time to transition but then all of a sudden he couldn’t and so I got upset with him and he blocked me and his last text was “you’re so manipulative, I don’t want to speak to you ever again”. This is so hurtful and it is going to take a lot of healing to get over this. Thank you for your advice guys.

Love is a funny thing that often follows no rules of reason. He's a controlling and selfish jerk, and his attitude towards you has zero to to with whether you're vegan or not. If a reasonable person found they needed a relationship with another more aligned with her own ethics they put that right on the table and discuss it like adults, not put misplaced blame on the other.
You miss the person you hoped he'd be. Best advice is to believe someone when they tell you who they are- he has

 

[majorbloodnok]

Love is a funny thing that often follows no rules of reason. He's a controlling and selfish jerk, and his attitude towards you has zero to to with whether you're vegan or not. If a reasonable person found they needed a relationship with another more aligned with her own ethics they put that right on the table and discuss it like adults, not put misplaced blame on the other.
You miss the person you hoped he'd be. Best advice is to believe someone when they tell you who they are- he has

@Dancer123, I can't say I agree with him being called a jerk (but only because name-calling doesn't solve anything), but Silva is spot on in all other regards. The guy is demonstrating crystal clear behaviour of attempting to control and manipulate and is plainly self-centred. His comment that you are being manipulative is quite obviously a manipulation in itself or an attempt to justify in his own mind his behaviour.

Anyone following a vegan lifestyle for ethical reasons is taking a stance based on respect for others (in the case of vegans, respect specifically for animals). It is impossible to square that with the lack of respect your ex has shown you, meaning whatever he is choosing to avoid putting into his mouth he is not being a vegan but is certainly being hypocritical.

One's ideals should not be a big stick to beat others with when they differ. One's ideals should instead be a banner around which others can rally if they choose to follow your example. Carrot or big stick? Control by fear or persuade by reward? Your ex has shown his chosen pathway and I'm not surprised it's hurt you now you've seen it. You deserve someone who'll support your growth so now's as good a time as any to be gentle with yourself, lick your wounds and then look forward to finding someone worthy of you.

 

[Andy_T]

Hello @Dancer123 , I am very sorry for what you are going through.

As others have mentioned and as you are suspecting yourself, this might just be a pretext, so possibly best for you to go your separate ways.
However, please don't let this experience turn you against vegetarianism/veganism.