NZ My parents won't let me go vegetarian

[Luis Halson]

I have just emailed my mum the websites about how healthy vegetarian eating is and the spreadsheet I made. However, I also wrote in the email that it is OK that they eat meat, it's only that I want to go veggie.

 

[Blues]

Maybe if it comes up Luis you could point out that there are about 400 million vegetarians in India with no major diet health problems.

 

[David3]

Maybe if it comes up Luis you could point out that there are about 400 million vegetarians in India with no major diet health problems.

It might not be such a good idea to mention India as a good example of excellent health. As a nation, they are still struggling to improve infant mortality rates.
.

 

[silva]

Hi Luis,

I will assume that you are under the age of 18. You are 100% vegan in your heart. That is good enough for me! You will always be your parent's little boy. Your parents will do whatever is necessary to protect you. My mom died when she was about 52 and I was 32. I was still her little boy and she was the all knowing mother. She also remarried to a farm veterinarian. If she was still alive today, then I would eat meat when I visited her. The discussion would only break my mom's heart.

I would suggest that you say to yourself, "I am vegan. I do not approve of my parents eating habits." Then in those situations where you can make a choice, make a choice. Here are some possible suggestions:

01. Ask your mom to buy peanut butter. You do not need to tell her it is because you are vegan. Just tell her that you just like peanut butter. You will save your mom a ton of money when she goes grocery shopping. She will be happy with you saving her money.
02. Eat only enough meat and dairy to keep your mom happy.
03. Ask you mom for permission to cook supper once a week. Make the food as vegan as practical. Your mom will LOVE that you are cooking
04. Volunteer to clean cages at an animal shelter for a few hours every week. You will get great references because you enthusiastically do a dirty job. In addition, it will communicate to your parents and the world that you really do care about animals.
05. When you move out of the house when you are older, you will be able to cook vegan without your mom ever knowing. You will probably train your own kids to be vegan and stop the cycle of animal abuse.

Thank you very much for your compassion towards animals.

 

[Luis Halson]

ONE SMALL STEP TO VEGETARIAN EATING! The first day I asked my mother to let me go vegetarian, her first argument was that veggie diets are unhealthy. Now her first argument is that we are a family and we eat the same meals. My e-mail and links really worked! They no longer regard vegetarian/vegan diets as unhealthy, and they even said that vegetarian eating can be healthy!

HOWEVER, I still have not won! Maybe the family argument will be the hardest to knock! We shall see!

 

[PTree15]

ONE SMALL STEP TO VEGETARIAN EATING! The first day I asked my mother to let me go vegetarian, her first argument was that veggie diets are unhealthy. Now her first argument is that we are a family and we eat the same meals. My e-mail and links really worked! They no longer regard vegetarian/vegan diets as unhealthy, and they even said that vegetarian eating can be healthy!

HOWEVER, I still have not won! Maybe the family argument will be the hardest to knock! We shall see!

They might come around at some point, though it might take a while. People sometimes don't like change for many reasons. Make them some tasty meals if you cook. I started with baking. When they learned that vegan baked goods can taste just as good as non-vegan ones, they were very surprised and then much more willing to try other foods I made. My mom, who doesn't even like tofu, will now eat my tofu apple bake. She even requests my black bean burgers and mock crab cakes made from zucchini, onions and breadcrumbs.

 

[Luis Halson]

PTree15, good idea that I cook a vegetarian/vegan meal for the family (I am considering a vegan lasagne). What I need is my parents to be like "I cook the food and the meat separately, and you cook your tofu, lentils etc. to add instead of the meat" My dad (our cook) doesn't like other people in his kitchen while he is working! We are moving out after the lockdown, so maybe if our new house has 2 kitchens that may help? Or maybe I can ask my parents for a ricecooker? (lentils cook in ricecookers).

 

[Luis Halson]

What else can I tell my parents in the meantime? (I still have my cruelty pictures but I am not using them yet, they are a last resort, and if that doesn't work I'll just have to reject the meat they give me like TofuRobot said).

 

[PTree15]

PTree15, good idea that I cook a vegetarian/vegan meal for the family (I am considering a vegan lasagne). What I need is my parents to be like "I cook the food and the meat separately, and you cook your tofu, lentils etc. to add instead of the meat" My dad (our cook) doesn't like other people in his kitchen while he is working! We are moving out after the lockdown, so maybe if our new house has 2 kitchens that may help? Or maybe I can ask my parents for a ricecooker? (lentils cook in ricecookers).

Haha, I get that about your dad not wanting anyone else in the kitchen while he's cooking. My mom is still like that. Even when I visit and she's cooking away, I'll ask her if she wants help and she always declines. That said, what you could do is prepare your tofu and lentils ahead of time, so that you'll have them ready to add to your meal at dinner. So, maybe after dinner, and your dad is all done, offer to clean up from dinner and then maybe prepare your proteins for future eating. Also, when you want to cook your meal for them, you could say something like, Hey, Dad, I'd be happy to give you a night off from cooking. I'm going to make such-and-such for you and Mom. My mother still always says you get more with sugar than you do with vinegar.

 

[Luis Halson]

PTree15, Good idea to try to cook my protein after cleaning the dishes, then I won't need to ask my parents for a ricecooker or anything fancy! I think you can refrigerate cooked lentils and just microwave them for about 1 minute and they're ready? If I'm wrong please tell me.

 

[PTree15]

PTree15, Good idea to try to cook my protein after cleaning the dishes, then I won't need to ask my parents for a ricecooker or anything fancy! I think you can refrigerate cooked lentils and just microwave them for about 1 minute and they're ready? If I'm wrong please tell me.

Reheating times vary, but yes, it's pretty quick to reheat in the microwave. I often take food out of the fridge and let it get to room temperature before I reheat it in the microwave. Maybe about half an hour before you want to reheat.

 

[Luis Halson]

I wrote my parents a letter (by hand) about this, and they just refused to read it . What do I do? Will I just have to use my pictures of cruel farms? Their main arguments against vegetarianism/veganism:

- We are a family and we eat the same meals
- We will not do anything special for you e.g. buy your vegan protein source
- We are eating meat because it's yummy

 

[Luis Halson]

They read my letter in the morning today. Their response "You CANNOT convince us. We are a family, we eat the same meals and we are carnivores"

 

[PTree15]

I wrote my parents a letter (by hand) about this, and they just refused to read it . What do I do? Will I just have to use my pictures of cruel farms? Their main arguments against vegetarianism/veganism:

- We are a family and we eat the same meals
- We will not do anything special for you e.g. buy your vegan protein source
- We are eating meat because it's yummy

I don't think the pictures will help, to be honest, as it seems they are digging in their heels. But you can do the same. Do you have a part-time job, or do you get allowance? If so, use that money to buy your tofu and other protein sources and maybe some vegan protein bars (in case you don't have other protein sources on hand). I don't know where you live, but there are stores where things are cheaper than in the regular grocery stores (Trader Joe's, Aldi, Dollar-type stores), and just politely decline the meat and other non-vegan stuff you don't want to eat. They need to see that this is just not some phase you are going through and that you are serious. Explain to them in polite terms your reasons for going vegan and that this is something you feel strongly about. That's really all you can do, I think, at this point. May I ask how old you are? (If you said already, I apologize for asking.) And when you do make something, make enough to share, let them know it's available if they want to try it.

My mom was really upset when I went vegan. She was cool with vegetarianism, but going vegan shook her up. She was like, what am I going to make for you when you visit? I was all like, there is so much food out there to try, not just the typical American fare. Going vegan opened up so many other options for food from other cultures that I never would have tried had I not gone vegan. My mom has come around a bit over the years. Now she loves finding vegan recipes and she even shares them with me. She loves to cook, and even she says that making vegan food has challenged her to consider other cuisines.

 

[Mischief]

Don't say or do anything in a confrontational way, because that will only make them dig their heels in even harder.

When they say, "we eat as a family" , agree with them that the time together and the fellowship are very important. Perhaps mention that, when you all eat at a restaurant, you're eating as a family even if everyone orders something different. Or, if you're all having a snack, it's the time together that's important, not whether one person is having a sandwich while someone else is eating a piece of cake and a third person is eating an apple.

When they have dinner with friends, is it necessary that everyone eat exactly the same thing, or is it the conversation and the time spent together that 's important? Ask questions like that, not in an argumentative way, but in a n inquiring kind of way.

 

[Luis Halson]

PTree15, I'm not American! There are lots of convenience stores like Four Square and 2$ shops (some stores are closed from the COVID-19 lockdown, but most dairies remain open). I'm 15, by the way. Maybe I could cook the vegetarian pasta one day?

Mischief, I'll tell them something about how eating as a family is not about what we eat, but that we eat together. I'll try not to be too confrontational when discussing this with my parents

 

[Mischief]

Luis, I wanted to tell you that you are one of those young people who gives me hope for the human species. I you were my grandson, I would be so very proud of you.

I wish you good luck with your parents. It's not unusual for people to feel that someone else's decision to become vegetarian or vegan is an unvoiced criticism of their own lifestyle, and that can lead to really fraught feelings, especially within a family. My own mother would have had a hissy fit if I had wanted to become a vegetarian at your age; as it was, she was and remained sharply critical of me when I did it as an adult.

 

[David3]

My mom was hurt when I became vegan. Not because she thought it was nutritionally bad, but because she thought I was rejecting all the food that she had lovingly prepared for me for so many years. She took it personally.

 

[David3]

Some families may find veganism to be politically objectionable, because it is associated with leftist politics. If your family’s politics are more conservative, they may fear that you are rejecting the values with which they raised you.

 

[Jamie in Chile]

I'm getting a good sense Luis that you can make some real progress here! We've heard so many cases when parents are stubborn at first but gradually - over weeks, months or years - steadily become accepting and even shift their own views a bit.

If you can be respecting to your parents, but persistent, choosing your moments well, you can make real progress and I have a good feeling that you are going to be able to do it.