NZ My parents won't let me go vegetarian

[Luis Halson]

I have asked my parents to let me go vegetarian for months now, to no avail! Here are some of the reasons they give:

- Veganism is unhealthy, especially when you are still growing
- Humans were meant to eat meat
- We are a family, we eat the same meals, and I am not giving up meat
- Animals are not treated cruelly in farms

They argue that regulations about animal welfare are getting stricter although they buy cage chicken meat, although (yay) I managed to persuade them to buy free range eggs and not cage eggs, but cannot do this with meat. I am only going to go vegetarian, and not vegan, as it will be too hard to convince my parents to go vegan, if vegetarian is already so hard. I have also gathered some pictures of factory farms and farm abuse from the internet and I have some websites like healthline.com that say how healthy vegetarianism is compared to meat-eating, but I don't know how to show them these. So how do I convince my parents to let me go vegetarian???

 

[Blues]

Well, firstly hi and welcome Luis.

Well, its good that you are at least communicating with your parents in regard to the direction you want to go.

Can you present as a compromise that you could sit down to a vegetarian meal once a week as a family?

Do you have a birthday coming up, could you ask that as a present you go out as a family to a vegetarian restaurant.

wishing you well

 

[Lou]

I’m no expert on this subject but we get this question a lot here so I’ve done a little research.

The Vegetarian Resource Group has a FAQ on this subject. I would think this would be the best place to start.

Telling Your Parents You Want To Be Vegetarian | Teen FAQs | Vegetarian Resource Group

There are a bunch of teenage vegans who have videos on this subject in YouTube. I haven't watched any of them and I imagine that some may not be of any help at all. But you might want to check a few out. Bite Size Vegan is a well-respected adult YouTube vegan. She has a video on the subject.

My Parents Won't Let Me Go Vegan! [Advice from REAL VEGAN KIDS!]

Take your time, be patient and think long term.

See what DVDs are at the library (or Netflix) and try to get the family to watch things like "Forks over Knives" or " Food, Inc.”, or “Cowspiracy”. “After the Flood” is all about Global Warming but touches on eating less meat. “What The Health” is like Forks Over Knives but more interesting. Keep an eye out for the new movie, “Eating You Alive”.

Order some free vegetarian starter kits (you can find them online). Read them and then leave the pamphlets in the family's bathroom, nightstands, and coffee tables as reading material.

This is maybe the best advice you'll get today. Volunteer to help out with the cooking and shopping. It will be good practice for you when you go off to college. Check out a vegetarian cookbook from the library or find a recipe online that people might like. Volunteer to cook it. You should also help your mom with the shopping list and maybe even the shopping. And when you help your mom with the shopping you can help her choose ingredients for more vegetarian meals.

In the meantime, just eat the non-meat things in the house. Make sure to get all your nutrients no matter what.

 

[David3]

Hi Luis,

The New Zealand government's health department has stated that properly-planned vegetarian diets are healthy. They have even published a vegetarian nutrition guide: Eating for Healthy Vegetarians/Ngā kai tōtika mā te hunga puku-huawhenua | HealthEd . There's nothing strange about vegetarian eating.
.

 

[TofuRobot]

Hey Luis! Welcome to the forum!

While I would never want to encourage dissent between you and your parents, I have to ask, is it really that difficult to simply politely decline or refuse to eat the meat they are serving? I am 54 and can think back to a time when I was 12 and my mom made liver for dinner and even though I ate meat at the time, I hated liver with a passion. She put it on my plate and there was no way I was going to eat it. My parents were a bit upset with me, enough that they made me sit at the table after they were done and had cleaned the kitchen and they completely left the room - me alone with my plate of liver. After about an hour, my mom came back in, frustrated, too my plate and she sent me to bed. After that, she never served liver to me again. And, it was never an issue after that. Meaning, it was maybe a difficult moment, but it didn't drag on. That was literally the end of it.

I certainly don't know your current situation at home, but I remember being a very stubborn child, and if I didn't want to eat meat, I would not have eaten meat. I'd have eaten everything else, but not that - because I knew they weren't literally going to tie my down and force-feed me.

Of course, you could always try to convince them that your choices are healthy - healthier, even - but you may not get through to them. But if you take a stand and stick to it, ultimately they'll have no choice but to accept your decision. And, it may not seem like it now, but they will likely respect you for that. Right now, they probably think it's a passing phase, but if you have the courage, you can prove to them otherwise.

In the meantime, I think it a great idea to get involved with the shopping and cooking, and continuing to share information with them about the health benefits of leaving meat off your plate and the realities of factory farming. But do tread lightly because parents are really just trying to do their best, and we don't like being proven wrong. I would honestly say "I don't want to eat meat anymore." Period. And keep on saying it. And keep leaving it on the plate until they understand you're serious.

Best wishes to you - please keep us updated!
xo

 

[Luis Halson]

David3 and Lou, I have some very positive websites about vegetarianism from websites such as healthline.com and heart.org, however, my dilemma is how I show these to my parents (If I e-mail websites to them, they will not read it, if I show it to them on my computer, they will not read it, if I print it and leave it in the kitchen they will rip it into pieces etc.). How do I present them with these? Or should I just go and use pictures from the internet of farm cruelty (but how do I show them these?)?

 

[Lou]

David3 and Lou, I have some very positive websites about vegetarianism from websites such as healthline.com and heart.org, however, my dilemma is how I show these to my parents (If I e-mail websites to them, they will not read it, if I show it to them on my computer, they will not read it, if I print it and leave it in the kitchen they will rip it into pieces etc.). How do I present them with these? Or should I just go and use pictures from the internet of farm cruelty (but how do I show them these?)?

Well, maybe you just don't. If you can't talk to them about this - then there is no convincing.
Although maybe just drop a factoid each day at dinner.
TofuRobot also gave you some good advice. I especially like her last paragraph.

 

[Poppy]

Nobody wants to see animal cruelty videos, I promise you, so those will be of little value. Perhaps you should frame your arguments around the one you are most likely to win - vegetarian food is wonderful! Find some nutritionally balanced recipes that appeal to you, present them to the family food preparer and offer your help with shopping, prep and cleaning up after the meal, and present this as a fun family experiment. Then become as self-sufficient as possible. Always have a vegetarian option - if the fam is having meat, make yourself a pb&j and sit with them and talk about your day. If the fam is having bacon and eggs, say "no thank you" and make yourself oatmeal with the frozen blueberries you bought yourself. Do not be critical of your family, do not be a pain in the butt. Just know that a time will come soon when you can be completely self-sufficient and be your own boss, and you will be free of the constraints of living with people who do not share all of your values. But remember that you love them, they love you. Good luck!

 

[shyvas]

You don't state your age and your parents may feel that you may not be mature enough, to make such a decision. If you are old enough to share certain tasks such as grocery shopping and cooking, it shouldn't be too difficult to stick to your guns and show your determination. I would also skip the 'cruelty' arguments with your parents as by doing so, they may also feel a bit guilty

Perhaps you could also show your mum (they usually are more understanding) some useful links that contain guidelines and examples of foods and menus for growing teens who follow a vegetarian diet that contain the necessary nutrients.

Being vegetarian isn't such a drastic change and the animal protein can be easily substituted with so many alternatives.

Try and win them over by showing your determination and also how mature you are by researching on how to be fit and healthy whilst being a vegetarian. You could perhaps find a comprise; persuade them to be a part time vegetarian e.g eat veggie during the week and share family meals during week ends. Step by step.....

'Live' more like an ally and not like an enemy. Dale Carnegie techniques often come in handy when you want to win friends and influence people :

''To handle people well, we must never criticise, condemn or complain because it will never result in the behaviour we desire.''

The vegetarian diet - NHS

 

[Luis Halson]

TofuRobot, I am doing that as a last resort, as it will annoy my parents, and it still might not work. Poppy, maybe I will print out the links and show them to them after we get a printer (I am in New Zealand, all non-essential stores are closed, but we're getting a printer once the lockdown ends, hopefully in 2 weeks). shyvas, good point, maybe I should argue about the environment too - did you know: more than 100 litres of water are saved by replacing 100 grams of beef for 1 cup of lentils, and maybe about world hunger - more than 3 billion people could get food if everyone went vegan.

I have found my parents' main concern is my health, so maybe the pages I found in healthline.com and heart.org could help.

 

[TofuRobot]

TofuRobot, I am doing that as a last resort, as it will annoy my parents, and it still might not work. Poppy, maybe I will print out the links and show them to them after we get a printer (I am in New Zealand, all non-essential stores are closed, but we're getting a printer once the lockdown ends, hopefully in 2 weeks). shyvas, good point, maybe I should argue about the environment too - did you know: more than 100 litres of water are saved by replacing 100 grams of beef for 1 cup of lentils, and maybe about world hunger - more than 3 billion people could get food if everyone went vegan.

I have found my parents' main concern is my health, so maybe the pages I found in healthline.com and heart.org could help.

I understand. Stay strong. Also, there is also a wealth of information at NutritionFacts.org

PS. Crying a little might not hurt, either. Parent's don't like it when their kids are upset. (Joking, but only a little.)

 

[Lou]

Maybe you can sneak in What the Health as a movie to watch. Its on Netflix. and probably at your local library when it opens up. You might even be able to find it on a streaming service for educational purposes.
For a lot of people the health aspect appeals to them way more than animal rights. cause they can save money and live longer.

 

[Luis Halson]

I found quite good websites, and they're very positive:

Vegetarian Diets: Healthier Than We Thought

How does Plant-Forward (Plant-Based) Eating Benefit Your Health? | American Heart Association

Once the lockdown ends, my family are getting a printer so I can print out these pages and show it to them.
Lou, good point that people will listen more to health than animal rights, and yes, health is also the main reason they don't want me to go veggie I believe.

 

[Mikkel]

I think knowledge will be best way to overcome it. Nutrition facts, links to good sorces and recipies. I'm not very eager on the brutal videos, I think too many will just deny it or even find excuses why this must happen.

I would start with a meal a week. Still talk with them about it. Find sources etc. Show them also it's not a big effort to have a meal together still. Avoid meat for all other meals than dinner always ordner vegetarian when out eating etc. Win them over bit by bit.

 

[Luis Halson]

Mikkel, Literally everyone has said that pictures of factory farms are not very helpful! As well as giving them health data (which I already have) I will look up nutrition facts for meat and meat alternatives and compare them - they think I won't get enough protein eating veggie!

 

[shyvas]

Mikkel, Literally everyone has said that pictures of factory farms are not very helpful! As well as giving them health data (which I already have) I will look up nutrition facts for meat and meat alternatives and compare them - they think I won't get enough protein eating veggie!

Do you know how to prepare meals and cook ?

 

[Hog]

Hi Luis,

I will assume that you are under the age of 18. You are 100% vegan in your heart. That is good enough for me! You will always be your parent's little boy. Your parents will do whatever is necessary to protect you. My mom died when she was about 52 and I was 32. I was still her little boy and she was the all knowing mother. She also remarried to a farm veterinarian. If she was still alive today, then I would eat meat when I visited her. The discussion would only break my mom's heart.

I would suggest that you say to yourself, "I am vegan. I do not approve of my parents eating habits." Then in those situations where you can make a choice, make a choice. Here are some possible suggestions:

01. Ask your mom to buy peanut butter. You do not need to tell her it is because you are vegan. Just tell her that you just like peanut butter. You will save your mom a ton of money when she goes grocery shopping. She will be happy with you saving her money.
02. Eat only enough meat and dairy to keep your mom happy.
03. Ask you mom for permission to cook supper once a week. Make the food as vegan as practical. Your mom will LOVE that you are cooking
04. Volunteer to clean cages at an animal shelter for a few hours every week. You will get great references because you enthusiastically do a dirty job. In addition, it will communicate to your parents and the world that you really do care about animals.
05. When you move out of the house when you are older, you will be able to cook vegan without your mom ever knowing. You will probably train your own kids to be vegan and stop the cycle of animal abuse.

Thank you very much for your compassion towards animals.

 

[Luis Halson]

Shyvas, I actually enjoy cooking! (We did it at school once each 2 weeks, but then the lockdown came and school closed). Yes, I have asked my parents if I can prepare my own meals. Their response: We are a family, we eat the same meals. However, this might be just them being concerned about my health, and the links I found might help.

I have checked nutrition facts of beef and lentils, and made a comparison between them in a spreadsheet (beef is our main protein source in my family's diet). Then they will see I won't get a nutrient deficiency (well, B12 and zinc are concerns according to the spreedsheet, I need to tell my parents about a supplement. However I won't be able to get a fibre, folate or manganese deficiency according to my data as the content of these in lentils are very high).

 

[Luis Halson]

Oh and I will cook a vegetarian pasta for the family one day, see if then they are OK with vegetarian eating

 

[David3]

Of course it’s good to eat dinner with your family. You can still eat almost everything at the dinner table. The bread, salad, vegetables, sweets etc. Just make yourself a bowl of lentils or veg burger patty instead of the meat dish. And don’t make a big deal about it. You don’t need to push the veg diet onto them. Just eat plenty and enjoy your food. Believe me, they will notice how good your food looks, and they may even secretly decide to try some.

If your parents are worried about vitamin deficiency, you can take a multivitamin pill - they are inexpensive.