How to Discuss Veganism with Non-Vegans ?

[Pinkcherry]

I am the only vegan of my friends and while they all support my choices and encourage me by making sure there are options when we eat out, share vegan news to me about veganism and whatnot, I sometimes struggle to talk and justify veganism to non-vegans without feeling judgemental towards them. If I explain that I do not agree with the unnecessary slaughter of animals, they are taken back and become defensive. Its makes me feel like I am pushing my morals onto them and I struggle to explain why I am vegan without guilting them for eating meat? Are there any tips for sharing my thoughts on veganism without starting an argument?

 

[Ahimsa]

I am the only vegan of my friends and while they all support my choices and encourage me by making sure there are options when we eat out, share vegan news to me about veganism and whatnot, I sometimes struggle to talk and justify veganism to non-vegans without feeling judgemental towards them. If I explain that I do not agree with the unnecessary slaughter of animals, they are taken back and become defensive. Its makes me feel like I am pushing my morals onto them and I struggle to explain why I am vegan without guilting them for eating meat? Are there any tips for sharing my thoughts on veganism without starting an argument?

Very difficult as being an ethical vegan means that you have higher levels of empathy than most other people. Therefore, you don't just have a psychological barrier to overcome, but also a physiological one. The best you can hope for is to be able to influence those who are closer to your way of seeing things than others, like those interested in the health perspective or ethical philosophy. One approach could be to get them to think about the definition of evil: "Deliberate and unnecessary harm done for some form of gratification," is a good way of defining evil, pointing out that by consuming animal products they support and participate in it, even though they aren't evil themselves.

 

[Lou]

I am the only vegan of my friends and while they all support my choices and encourage me by making sure there are options when we eat out, share vegan news to me about veganism and whatnot, I sometimes struggle to talk and justify veganism to non-vegans without feeling judgemental towards them. If I explain that I do not agree with the unnecessary slaughter of animals, they are taken back and become defensive. Its makes me feel like I am pushing my morals onto them and I struggle to explain why I am vegan without guilting them for eating meat? Are there any tips for sharing my thoughts on veganism without starting an argument?

IMHO, there are no right or wrong answers here. It really depends on your own personality and the personality of who you are talking too.

as far as your friends and family goes, after the first couple of conversations, anything further is often counter productive. They have the basic info for now so just let it be.

When it comes to acquaintances, it does depend on what you are comfortable with. Many vegans are not comfortable with discussing it with aquaniances and don't. that is perfectly ok. Other vegans are comfortable with it and that is OK too. You just have to find out where you are in the spectrum.

If you DO want to engage but are just not that comfortable with it or good at it, there is something to be said about practice and experience. The more often you engage the easier it gets and the better you get at it.

If you would like more info on this subject, I recommend you look up Dr. Melanie Joy. she is a social psychologist. Her book, Why we love dogs, eat pigs, and wear cows, an introduction to carnism, is worth reading regardless. She also has a bunch of YouTube videos. And a Ted Talk.

This video is a great place to start. I think its will really help you.

 

[Emma JC]

welcome to the forum @Pinkcherry

It is a good question and it sounds like you have great friends! I like to take a 3 prong approach, well maybe four, with the fourth being 'don't discuss at all', and the first three being " I do it for my health, for the animals and for the environment". Often, one of those items will trigger a further question and you can go from there or just let it drop.

I feel that being a good example is more important that arguing or discussing it people who don't seem to care. You don't have to justify it you just have to live it. I love eating this way and living this way, a life that doesn't hurt other (human or animal)(human... workers in factory farms) that doesn't harm the environment and being a whole food plant based eater means that my health is also so much better as I try to limit oils, salts and sugars too.

Yesterday my sister called me as she was driving over to take soup to a sick friend. She is sick because she has a terrible endometriosis and I was able to tell her how that eating a whole food planted based diet helps that condition tremendously because it is an inflammation reducing diet and most diseases have their basis in inflammation (including covid). She shared that information and I sent her some articles and research and stories that supported it and also some recipes from Dr McDougall for soups that might be helpful for her.

So be kind, be helpful and know that we have all made a journey to get here and some journeys take longer than others and every example and piece of information, along the way, helps others to move forward along the path.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[Pinkcherry]

Very difficult as being an ethical vegan means that you have higher levels of empathy than most other people. Therefore, you don't just have a psychological barrier to overcome, but also a physiological one. The best you can hope for is to be able to influence those who are closer to your way of seeing things than others, like those interested in the health perspective or ethical philosophy. One approach could be to get them to think about the definition of evil: "Deliberate and unnecessary harm done for some form of gratification," is a good way of defining evil, pointing out that by consuming animal products they support and participate in it, even though they aren't evil themselves.

Thanks for the tip! I agree and this is an awesome way to start a discussion, thanks

 

[Pinkcherry]

IMHO, there are no right or wrong answers here. It really depends on your own personality and the personality of who you are talking too.

as far as your friends and family goes, after the first couple of conversations, anything further is often counter productive. They have the basic info for now so just let it be.

When it comes to acquaintances, it does depend on what you are comfortable with. Many vegans are not comfortable with discussing it with aquaniances and don't. that is perfectly ok. Other vegans are comfortable with it and that is OK too. You just have to find out where you are in the spectrum.

If you DO want to engage but are just not that comfortable with it or good at it, there is something to be said about practice and experience. The more often you engage the easier it gets and the better you get at it.

If you would like more info on this subject, I recommend you look up Dr. Melanie Joy. she is a social psychologist. Her book, Why we love dogs, eat pigs, and wear cows, an introduction to carnism, is worth reading regardless. She also has a bunch of YouTube videos. And a Ted Talk.

This video is a great place to start. I think its will really help you.

Thanks heaps! I will look into Dr. Melanie Joy

 

[Pinkcherry]

welcome to the forum @Pinkcherry

It is a good question and it sounds like you have great friends! I like to take a 3 prong approach, well maybe four, with the fourth being 'don't discuss at all', and the first three being " I do it for my health, for the animals and for the environment". Often, one of those items will trigger a further question and you can go from there or just let it drop.

I feel that being a good example is more important that arguing or discussing it people who don't seem to care. You don't have to justify it you just have to live it. I love eating this way and living this way, a life that doesn't hurt other (human or animal)(human... workers in factory farms) that doesn't harm the environment and being a whole food plant based eater means that my health is also so much better as I try to limit oils, salts and sugars too.

Yesterday my sister called me as she was driving over to take soup to a sick friend. She is sick because she has a terrible endometriosis and I was able to tell her how that eating a whole food planted based diet helps that condition tremendously because it is an inflammation reducing diet and most diseases have their basis in inflammation (including covid). She shared that information and I sent her some articles and research and stories that supported it and also some recipes from Dr McDougall for soups that might be helpful for her.

So be kind, be helpful and know that we have all made a journey to get here and some journeys take longer than others and every example and piece of information, along the way, helps others to move forward along the path.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

Thanks for the tips! I have had a few people ask why I am vegan so the four-prong approach will be helpful in discussing!

 

[Sax]

Kid gloves. It's like telling a child Santa Claus isn't real - you're debunking a comforting myth they'd rather continue believing.

I try to put the focus on factory farming and make the meat and dairy industries out as the bad guys. No one likes the idea of factory farming and hating on large corporations is popular, so that's something your non-vegan friends can probably accept and even get behind in spirit if not in action. Adding on to the video @Lou posted you can talk about how you used to eat animals products, but maybe also point out how you weren't given a choice in that. It's just how we're raised. That can take away from a sense of blame while also showing it's possible to change.

 

[StrawberryField]

Don't discuss it at all if possible. Sometimes we feel as vegans like we're chosen disciples and should preach the word every chance we get. But no one likes to be preached to about anything. I've been asked why I go vegan by one person within a group of people and I realized they're doing that more out of control rather then a quest for knowledge. This also makes the other members of the group feel uncomfortable. In times like this I simply respond by playing it down and saying, "I just thought I'd try it for the hell of it and see what happens", and then change the subject. I find that this diffuses the conversation and puts people at ease. Unless someone specifically calls me up and says, "Hey I heard you're vegan. Could I buy you a cup of coffee and ask you about it?" Then I'll talk about it.

 

[Pinkcherry]

Kid gloves. It's like telling a child Santa Claus isn't real - you're debunking a comforting myth they'd rather continue believing.

I try to put the focus on factory farming and make the meat and dairy industries out as the bad guys. No one likes the idea of factory farming and hating on large corporations is popular, so that's something your non-vegan friends can probably accept and even get behind in spirit if not in action. Adding on to the video @Lou posted you can talk about how you used to eat animals products, but maybe also point out how you weren't given a choice in that. It's just how we're raised. That can take away from a sense of blame while also showing it's possible to change.

That's a good way to avoid guilting someone when discussing veganism, thanks!

 

[Pinkcherry]

Don't discuss it at all if possible. Sometimes we feel as vegans like we're chosen disciples and should preach the word every chance we get. But no one likes to be preached to about anything. I've been asked why I go vegan by one person within a group of people and I realized they're doing that more out of control rather then a quest for knowledge. This also makes the other members of the group feel uncomfortable. In times like this I simply respond by playing it down and saying, "I just thought I'd try it for the hell of it and see what happens", and then change the subject. I find that this diffuses the conversation and puts people at ease. Unless someone specifically calls me up and says, "Hey I heard you're vegan. Could I buy you a cup of coffee and ask you about it?" Then I'll talk about it.

Yeah, I have found that some people are really interested and are wanting to talk while others shut me down, I guess pick your battles? hahaha, thanks for the advice

 

[1956]

I am the only vegan of my friends and while they all support my choices and encourage me by making sure there are options when we eat out, share vegan news to me about veganism and whatnot, I sometimes struggle to talk and justify veganism to non-vegans without feeling judgemental towards them. If I explain that I do not agree with the unnecessary slaughter of animals, they are taken back and become defensive. Its makes me feel like I am pushing my morals onto them and I struggle to explain why I am vegan without guilting them for eating meat? Are there any tips for sharing my thoughts on veganism without starting an argument?

Hello @Pinkcherry good for you for making the choice of being Vegan...
Yes, I agree that it can create some awkward social situations... However, I feel that feeling good about how I live my life makes it Well worth it...My situation is much different from yours as I am Much older and I have been Vegan for a long time.
Whenever I start feeling a bit judgmental about people who eat meat I remind myself that I was Not always Vegan...That is why I Never shy away from talking about being Vegan...Everyone who was not born Vegan has to start somewhere!
Being honest about why one does anything is always a good place to start... What was the inspiration that made you decide to go Vegan? It isn’t necessary to be preachy, just speak honestly about your experience... You don’t have to have All of the facts and figures memorised but I would suggest that you read and watch films or videos so that you are confident about what you are saying... Appeal to people’s likes and interests - animals, climate change or their health, then explain how being Vegan helps... Enjoy your life knowing that you are doing as little harm as possible...

I don’t Ever feel like I am missing out on Anything by being Vegan - I feel like it gives me So much!

 

[Mufflon]

The best thing is not to discuss it. You can only lose.

 

[Sax]

Don't discuss it at all if possible.

The best thing is not to discuss it. You can only lose.

Strongly disagree. Imagine if any other group pushing for social change took that approach - how successful do you think they'd be?

Obviously you don't want to be that person that makes everything about veganism. That's just annoying and alienating. But if it comes up organically in conversation you should take the opportunity to put your thoughts and feelings out there.

You don't have to get sucked into a heated debate. If someone wants to push back on your reasoning you can either respond calmly or just be like "I was just saying how I feel not trying to change your mind" (even if you secretly were ).

No one thing turned me vegan, but a particular conversation I had with a vegan friend in college had a big influence. I was being confrontational and she kept her cool and responded to my arguments with simple facts and clear moral logic. I didn't go vegan until years later but that always stuck with me.

 

[1956]

Strongly disagree. Imagine if any other group pushing for social change took that approach - how successful do you think they'd be?

Obviously you don't want to be that person that makes everything about veganism. That's just annoying and alienating. But if it comes up organically in conversation you should take the opportunity to put your thoughts and feelings out there.

You don't have to get sucked into a heated debate. If someone wants to push back on your reasoning you can either respond calmly or just be like "I was just saying how I feel not trying to change your mind" (even if you secretly were ).

No one thing turned me vegan, but a particular conversation I had with a vegan friend in college had a big influence. I was being confrontational and she kept her cool and responded to my arguments with simple facts and clear moral logic. I didn't go vegan until years later but that always stuck with me.

I also Strongly disagree...
When other issues come up do you avoid them? Women’s rights, BLM, climate change, animal abuse and so on...
Some things are Difficult to talk about but avoiding discussing and sharing my beliefs would seem dishonest to me...
During the BLM movement protests last year I remember seeing signs that read - Silence is Compliance - I believe that to be true...Maybe because I am old now and I don’t worry about how people think about me I Often speak my mind - If I see someone littering etc I will call them out for it as gently as possible...Sometimes they respond nastily... I try to keep my calm...
Not trying to be judgmental - if you don’t feel comfortable speaking about being Vegan, that is your choice...

 

[Sax]

I just realized this thread is in the Transitioning forum - I think it's fine for new vegans to avoid the topic if they want to.

 

[Lou]

I just realized this thread is in the Transitioning forum - I think it's fine for new vegans to avoid the topic if they want to.

There is no right or wrong answer here. Or just one answer.
I hate to say "it depends". but it depends.

Both on the vegan and the audience.

Some famous vegan, it might have been Peter Singer, said that it was a vegans obligation (or responsibility or duty ) to advocate.

But how you advocate does not "depend". Be kind, be polite, be informative.

 

[VeganAnon]

I am the only vegan of my friends and while they all support my choices and encourage me by making sure there are options when we eat out, share vegan news to me about veganism and whatnot, I sometimes struggle to talk and justify veganism to non-vegans without feeling judgemental towards them. If I explain that I do not agree with the unnecessary slaughter of animals, they are taken back and become defensive. Its makes me feel like I am pushing my morals onto them and I struggle to explain why I am vegan without guilting them for eating meat? Are there any tips for sharing my thoughts on veganism without starting an argument?

First....Hugs and love to you. Stop feeling guilty...what does a muslim say when they can't eat pork? It is against their beliefs. that is all you have to say in the moment. It is against your beliefs. If someone pushes for details you can choose to go into it or ask if an talk about it later.

 

[kirkwmurray]

Don't discuss it at all if possible. Sometimes we feel as vegans like we're chosen disciples and should preach the word every chance we get. But no one likes to be preached to about anything. I've been asked why I go vegan by one person within a group of people and I realized they're doing that more out of control rather then a quest for knowledge. This also makes the other members of the group feel uncomfortable. In times like this I simply respond by playing it down and saying, "I just thought I'd try it for the hell of it and see what happens", and then change the subject. I find that this diffuses the conversation and puts people at ease. Unless someone specifically calls me up and says, "Hey I heard you're vegan. Could I buy you a cup of coffee and ask you about it?" Then I'll talk about it.

Curious - Are you worried that by dismissing your life view when people ask you about it, it's not helping further the cause? Or do you feel its not your job to further the vegan cause?

 

[Urban Gardener]

Honestly, I think that when people ask that question, they are often looking for a debate. Either that or they’re interested in going vegan themselves, whether they say so or not. That’s been my experience.

When I answer people’s questions about why I don’t eat animal products, they either: A) argue B) act interested and want to know more.

There are plenty of people who say, “That’s great! But I could never do it because [xyz].” Some of those people later go vegan!

I tend to just answer the questions without saying too much. People can do their own research. If I say too much, it tends to come across as preachy. My answer is usually something like, “Environmental reasons and concerns about animal cruelty in the way that farming is practiced today. There is a lot of info out there. You can look it all up,” and then I recommend resources.

If they want to know more, I just say, “I get this all the time and I get sick of talking about it. But ______ a great source of info.”

(I’m leaving resource recommendations out of this because I don’t have current ones.)