Help! going to a family 'roast'

[billy1987]

Hello

My family is gathering for a family roast coming up soon and the thought of having to sit there and watch them all chow down on dead flesh makes me want to spew. I don't want to isolate myself but cannot stand to be around them when eating meat (I'm the only vegan in my family) They are fine with my choices but will think I'm being dramatic if i don't sit with them... any tips to get through it?

 

[rogerjolly]

Hi Billy and welcome to the forum,

I really like your name. When I was a child we had a cat called Billy. She was named after my Uncle Bill. And throughout my adulthood Billy Holliday has been one of my great loves.

The problem you pose is a difficult one and I’m afraid I don’t have any easy solutions to it. I can, though, offer a little tea and sympathy. I have been there.

My wife and I were visiting relatives abroad. A great family gathering was to be celebrated with a grand lobster dinner. The nauseous smell of cooked lobster is far worse than any roast and furthermore it is accompanied by the sound of cracking shells and talk about how wonderful it all is.

All we could do was turn our attention to the tofu especially prepared for us, spend some time looking at the ceiling, and make myriad attempts to veer the conversation away from the culinary delights of lobster flesh. But what you can’t do is hold your breath for an entire evening.

The big no-no is allowing any mention of veganism at the table. Afterwards, strictly with just one sympathetic person, you might be able to try to explain how difficult you found it to be but a group conversation would be fatal. People think that being vegan is just a dietary thing so if you are not actually eating flesh where is your problem?

Anyway, good luck,

Roger.

 

[billy1987]

Oh Roger that would have been awful! Thanks for your message it does help. Its good you have your wife as a vegan and as support. I am literally the only vegan in my family. My mum is the kindest most generous person I know and I thought she would go vegan as soon as I told her the truth and showed her some videos (because she loves animals!), but she has reacted as if I'm trying to make her feel guilty (which is actually her own guilt) and that she cant take on all the problems of the world and that it would be 'too hard' to change living with my father, and she gets home late from work so doesn't have time etc. the excuses go on and on and I was gobsmacked and so disappointed to learn my mother is not brave enough to accept the truth. She's always been such a strong lady. She told me she understands if I want to just come to the gathering for a little while and then leave when they start eating.. Its so ironic that I'm the isolated 'weird' one when its them that are contributing to violence of innocent being's and eating dead flesh. She has however, reduced her meat intake and whenever we go out to eat now I've noticed she orders the same vegan meal as me. Yesterday she tried Almond milk and liked it. Fingers crossed.

 

[Brigitte]

Hi Billy,

Your post caught my attention, because I recently went through something lately but on the opposite side.

I think you should go to that event and be proud of yourself for being vegan. It shows self discipline and compassion and you should be proud of that instead of feeling like you want to spew. People will envy you if you feel proud and they can take you as an example. Maybe they will want to know more about it and you can teach em. Bring a good salade for them to try or something like that. If you feel disgusted with them, they will feel the same with you. So be proud of yourself and strut your stuff. lolll If you have a chance go check out my profile. Intro, you will see why.

 

[S_t_e_v_e]

That is a great opportunity! Sit down with a huge plate of veggies and enjoy every single mouthful with a huge smile on your face, knowing that every forkful is full of greatness for your health. Don't get into any discussions - they won't listen. Maybe next year, there will be a couple more people eating veggies next to you.

 

[rogerjolly]

Hi again Billy,

…… Another of my not infrequent weirdo thoughts on psychology has just arrived.

I thought she would go vegan as soon as I told her the truth

Mothers are wonderfully unique patient creatures who somehow seem to usually do a surprisingly good job at child rearing despite having to develop most of their skills through trial and error. And when their children become adults they are still often seen through the eyes of the forever tolerant mother.

Perhaps she views your veganism as just another fad like those she endured when you were in your very early teens. Like for example your total preoccupation with Nirvana or R.E.M. or Michael Jackson or whatever. And it is up to you to show otherwise!

Or perhaps a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and I should leave this all nonsense to the professionals.

Roger.