What We Say to Our Pets (and what they say back to us)

-Alex drinks from my water cup-
Me: what the hell? isn't your water good enough?
Alex: No. Your water is fresher.
 
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When Misty is in the same room with me and I get up to go to the bathroom, Misty will get up and follow me in, EVERY single time. Even when I'm not going into the bathroom but somewhere else in the apartment, she'll automatically head to the bathroom.

Me: Misty, why do you follow me in every time I go to the bathroom?
Misty: Beeeecauuuse I don't want youuuuuu to leave meeeeeeeee! I luuuuv youuuuu! And also because I'm messing with your head.

Sabrina: Mommmmmmy, I want some dry food!
Me: But there's already dry food in the dish! Why don't you eat it?
Sabrina: Because I want new dry food right from the bag!
Me: Okay, Okay.

*dumps some fresh dry food out of the bag into the dish on top of the older food*

Me: There ya go!
Sabrina: But now it's tainted! Gimme some more right from the bag!
Me: Okay.

*adds a little more to the top of the newer food*

Sabrina: *eats three pieces of kibble and walks away*
Me: *facepalm*
 
Me to Misty: Misty, I think it's pretty cool that after all these years you've become comfortable with drinking from a plastic cup of water while I hold it over the bathroom sink for you. But you're so eager about it now that you push Sabrina aside when SHE'S drinking the water so you can get at it. That's uncool. And that's why I have to keep you out of the bathroom until Sabrina has finished drinking.

Misty to me: If Sabrina hasn't figured out by now that I'm the boss of the place, too bad for her.

Me: Bully!

Misty: Just the Boss. Remember that.
 
Archie...'yeh ha!!!! its dog training, its dog training!!! get up, get up yipeee!!! ':woo:


Me.' Are you serious??? It is the crack of dawn , and its a Saturday , and I am knackered . Could we leave it today?'

Archie..' well..we could :cool: it really depends how much you prize your shoes and the back lawn. You just know I will be bored and find a way to make you regret your mistake. Are you sure you want to risk that?'
 
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Sabrina: Maaa! I’m thirsty! I want water!

Me: There’s water over there.

Sabrina: I want FRESH water!

Me: I just changed that water.

Sabrina: Still not fresh enough! Fill up a cup for me!

Me: Okay, here. I’ll leave it on the bathroom counter for you.

Sabrina: Nooo! Hold it over the sink for me!

Me: Okay, here you go.

Sabrina: *drinks*

*five minutes later*

Sabrina: Maaa! I’m thirsty again!

Me: Okay, I’ll change the water in the cup on the bathroom counter.

Sabrina: Nooo! Hold it over the sink for me!

Me: Okay, here you go.

Sabrina: *drinks*

*five minutes later*

Sabrina: Maaa! I’m thirsty AGAIN!

Me: I’ll change the water in the cup on the bathroom counter, but I’m not holding it for you again. You don’t need me to hold it for you. Drink from the cup; it’s on the counter.

Sabrina: *wails loudly* Nooo! Hold the cup!

Me: No, I’m busy.

Sabrina: *wails loudly, then stops*
Okay. *drinks water*

Misty: *jumps up on bathroom counter* Maaa! I want to drink some water too!

Sabrina: Bully! *jumps off counter*

Misty: Yay! More for me! *drinks water*

Me: *facepalm*
 
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^^^ Sometimes, I wonder if anybody can really know what a cat is thinking or saying, but... I've heard that holding a tail straight up is a friendly gesture, and turning her/his back on you is a sign of trust (the theory being that a cat would never turn their back on a possible enemy unless they were running like Hell away from the threat).
 
(I've just awakened and struggling to get out of bed)

Sabrina: I'm hungry! Feed me breakfast, NOW! (Over and over and over)

Me: Do you realize that when I got you, I was 39 and still in the prime of life? It's almost 18 years later. We're both a lot older now. Take it easy and wait for me to get going. I don't spring out of bed like I used to.

Sabrina: All right, but I'm hungry! Don't take too long.

(Just two minutes later)

Sabrina: I'm hungry! Feed me breakfast, NOW NOW NOW!