My partner eats a lot of meat

[EP90]

Hi there, I am new to this forum and desperately seeking some advice from like minded people. I became a vegetarian at the age of 12 and decided to live a vegan lifestyle 3 years ago now. Being a vegan is extremely important to me. I come from a family of meat eaters however my mum is now a vegetarian and I am raising my 5 year old daughter as a vegetarian. I am beginning to introduce her to my vegan values and explain why I have made certain choices to help her understand why I don’t eat some of the things that she currently does. I’ve found she has always understood the concept of not eating animals but struggled to fully understand what exactly comes from animals so I decided not to put this pressure on her at such a young age. She is a proud vegetarian and knows that I am vegan. Eventually I’m sure she’ll fully grasp the difference.

I have already waffled on quite a bit! Many apologies! I’ll get to my main issue now. I am not with my daughters father but I am with a new partner who I have been with for nearly two years. When we first met he made a conscious effort to try veganism and was vegetarian for a number of weeks. It was a new relationship and I respected him massively for cutting out meat and I thought he seemed to understand my reasons for being a vegan. He was a big meat eater before we met and sadly he is eating meat once again. A lot of meat. Our fridge and freezer are now always well stocked with meat. I am finding it incredibly hard to deal with.

I have raised this with him on a couple of occasions but he basically just says that he’s not changing. I shouldn’t expect him to change but I find it so upsetting and disrespectful of my beliefs. It makes me feel so distant from him. His blatant ignorance is so offensive to me but he just doesn’t seem to ‘get that’. Any advice on how I can deal with this issue would be greatly received as I am struggling to get past it and due to my ethical and moral values I do not believe I should have to get past it! But as time goes on it feels like it is becoming increasingly difficult to address. I do not think I can carry on overlooking his consumption of animals but he has made it clear that he loves meat and will not change his diet. And I guess why should he? I don’t want him to feel like he’s been given an ultimatum. I’d be interested to hear from anyone who may have had a similar experience or currently in the same boat. From my perspective it is putting a huge wedge between us but I feel like it has become tricky for me to put this across to him in a constructive, non dictating way.

Sorry for the long post!! Thanks for your time if you made it to the end! Please help!

 

[silva]

You don't make it sound as though he's disrespecting your choices but asserting his own.
You have to decide what YOU want for yourself and your daughter.
What I have a problem with is it doesn't sound like he ever really changed, but something you're now taking issue with?
It's certainly best to know sooner rather than later how your life is going to be like. Living with someone is always a compromise, but what you're willing to compromise is what you need to come to terms with.
Of course your daughter is your first priority

 

[EP90]

You don't make it sound as though he's disrespecting your choices but asserting his own.
You have to decide what YOU want for yourself and your daughter.
What I have a problem with is it doesn't sound like he ever really changed, but something you're now taking issue with?
It's certainly best to know sooner rather than later how your life is going to be like. Living with someone is always a compromise, but what you're willing to compromise is what you need to come to terms with.
Of course your daughter is your first priority

Thank you for your reply Silva. It is much appreciated. To be honest it is something that I have always had an issue with as I am passionate about my reasons for being vegan but it has got to the stage where I am questioning whether or not I want to continue living together. I’m finding it so difficult to make a decision. I love him and he is a wonderful person in so many ways but he is very assertive and can be uncompromising at times which can make life hard for me sometimes!

 

[KLS52]

I feel like you know what you need to do but you’re having a hard time coming to terms with it. It doesn’t sound like you want to make a life with someone who eats meat and he’s clearly telling you that he intends to do so. Can he change his mind? Sure. But you can’t continue a relationship in the hopes that he will because what happens a few years from now when/if he doesn’t?

I do understand that you love him and it would be hard to break it off. But at some point you are the only one who can decide what you want/need in a relationship going forward. It is good to talk it out though and here is as good a place as any.

I live with omni husband and adult son. It’s not that hard for me because I was already married for 30 years before giving up meat and then dairy and eggs. I don’t like that they eat meat but it’s something I can overlook based on our history. It’s been 16 years now. It would be easy for me to say let him be, especially if you love him and he is a good person. But I don’t know how I would feel if I were younger and just starting out. My convictions may have been stronger then if I wasn’t so deeply embedded in the relationship yet.

I don’t envy your having to make such a decision. I would just say follow your heart and what you feel is most important to you. Just don’t let some overly idealism cloud your judgment. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise that you can both live with. Good luck!

 

[EP90]

Hi Kls52, thank you for your response. I think you’re right in saying I am having trouble coming to terms with the decision I think I need to make. I can’t bear the thought of hurting him but deep down I feel like there’s some things that aren’t right between us and constantly trying to look past his meat consumption is taking its toll on me for sure. Before we got together and after I separated from my daughters father I always said that if I was to meet someone else then they would have to be vegan. When we met my current partner tried but he now eats more meat than ever!

 

[Freesia]

There is eating meat, and there is eating lots of meat... a matter of degrees.. i would struggle with loads of it around too...

 

[David3]

I think you'll both be happier if you end the relationship. There are plenty of single vegan men in the UK.

 

[EP90]

Thank you for your response. It’s really helpful to get advice from people who understand where I’m coming from. My partners a good person but I have been questioning our core values and beliefs for a while now so perhaps you’re right. Easier said than done though!

 

[Freesia]

Its hard. i would date an omni because veg people only 4% of population... that would be the ideal but the numbers arent on my side.

but i would not be able to date someome who is a meat lover... maybe someone who doesnt eat a lot? A pescetarian? I would not cook it for them anyway...

luckily i dont have to wory about this right now.

 

[Sproutskies]

Maybe before you would break up, if planning to do so, just give him the understanding that you guys are drifting apart because of how you guys have some differing core values and that you are considering moving out/asking him to leave. He may not understand the relationship consequences yet and giving him some lead time might help in having you be heard and give him a chance to decide losing you is not worth it.

It sounds like he's pretty stubborn so maybe wait until you have your mind mostly made up about breaking up so it will not be as devastating if he chooses meat over you.

 

[Blues]

I wouldn’t be in a hurry to split with him .
Can you talk it through so he sees where you are coming from and come to a compromise on his part and have a minimum of one meal a week vegan .
Something he like’s.

 

[FlandersOD]

It doesn't sound like a relationship worth keeping;
i've had to deal with plentiful unpleasent people who've turned out to be extremely toxic.
both online and offline.

Entire [proportedly] leftist spaces are more like barage of consistent and constant gaslighting;
to point where it's extremely unpleasent.

 

[silva]

It doesn't sound like a relationship worth keeping;
i've had to deal with plentiful unpleasent people who've turned out to be extremely toxic.
both online and offline.

Entire [proportedly] leftist spaces are more like barage of consistent and constant gaslighting;
to point where it's extremely unpleasent.

Hi FlandersOD--I noticed you responded angry at my post and now reading it again, I feel I wasn't clear in how I felt.
I absolutely agree it does not sound worth keeping. I meant to say it always sounds like the end, as the partner by now is separating themselves from the relationship.
They started into the relationship knowing and accepting her choices and now attacks her by being exactly what she is against
No different than bringing pork into a Kosher or Halal house, or liquour into a house with an alcoholic

 

[FlandersOD]

Hi FlandersOD--I noticed you responded angry at my post and now reading it again, I feel I wasn't clear in how I felt.
I absolutely agree it does not sound worth keeping. I meant to say it always sounds like the end, as the partner by now is separating themselves from the relationship.
They started into the relationship knowing and accepting her choices and now attacks her by being exactly what she is against
No different than bringing pork into a Kosher or Halal house, or liquour into a house with an alcoholic

[By the way you can just call me Flanders]; it's also very immature attitude in general to have.

 

[David3]

It doesn't sound like a relationship worth keeping;
i've had to deal with plentiful unpleasent people who've turned out to be extremely toxic.
both online and offline.

Entire [proportedly] leftist spaces are more like barage of consistent and constant gaslighting;
to point where it's extremely unpleasent.

.
Don't stereotype leftist voters.

 

[Tom L.]

Hi, @EP90 -

I definitely believe in trying to persuade people to become veg. But in a way, I feel strange about this, because nobody convinced ME to do that, although my friends and relatives have always been supportive. The vast majority of people I know and care about are not vegetarian; it's always been that way. I always enjoyed non-vegan food, too. But there was always something inside me, even as a child, that was receptive to the idea. If other people ever had any influence on me regarding this, surely I would still be eating meat, fish, etc. like almost everyone I know- wouldn't I?

I honestly don't know why some people become veg, some people become veg and then go back to being omni, and some people never consider going even pescetarian, let alone vegan! I definitely understand that different people take it at different paces: some drop ALL foods of animal origin overnight, others (like me) take it in a series of steps over a span of decades, and still others go back and forth until it finally sticks.

 

[silva]

Hi, @EP90 -

I definitely believe in trying to persuade people to become veg. But in a way, I feel strange about this, because nobody convinced ME to do that, although my friends and relatives have always been supportive. The vast majority of people I know and care about are not vegetarian; it's always been that way. I always enjoyed non-vegan food, too. But there was always something inside me, even as a child, that was receptive to the idea. If other people ever had any influence on me regarding this, surely I would still be eating meat, fish, etc. like almost everyone I know- wouldn't I?

I honestly don't know why some people become veg, some people become veg and then go back to being omni, and some people never consider going even pescetarian, let alone vegan! I definitely understand that different people take it at different paces: some drop ALL foods of animal origin overnight, others (like me) take it in a series of steps over a span of decades, and still others go back and forth until it finally sticks.

Yes, but this OP sounds far more a problem of a partner being completely dismissive and disrespectful of her. Regardless of them not wanting to eat veg themselves, they started the relationship knowing full well how she feels. To suddenly change and act as if it doesn't matter has more to do with the relationship than simply food or lifestyle choices

 

[vegan89]

There are lots of pretty amazing meat substitutes these days from companies like Impossible Foods and Beyond Meat. It's been many years since I had a genuine Burger King Whopper burger, but I had an Impossible Whopper from Burger King lately (ordered without mayo & put on 1 tbsp of vegenaise mayo substitute) and it had that flavor that reminded me of the whoppers I had in my young childhood before becoming vegan. I suggest having it with Coke if you aren't concerned for your health.

Maybe making some of his favorite foods out of Impossible Foods or Beyond Meat would change things? Make sure he doesn't have any food allergies that would prevent you from doing this first though.

When you say you think he understands why you are how you are... I take this to mean you talked with him about it. But talking about factory farming and seeing its horrors for yourself are two very different things. Maybe some documentaries like Dominion or Cowspiracy would give him a change of heart.

"I have raised this with him on a couple of occasions but he basically just says that he’s not changing. I shouldn’t expect him to change but I find it so upsetting and disrespectful of my beliefs."

You should not interpret his behavior as disrespectful of your beliefs. He just has a different opinion. Everyone does. Concerning? Yes. But not disrespectful.

You might also try getting some vegan friends and bringing them into the picture. If your social circle includes a lot of vegans and they bring up topics that make him feel guilty (animal suffering, environmental devastation associated with the meat industry, health problems from eating meat, etc).... it might be harder for him to ignore.

 

[Stardust1986]

Hi there, I am new to this forum and desperately seeking some advice from like minded people. I became a vegetarian at the age of 12 and decided to live a vegan lifestyle 3 years ago now. Being a vegan is extremely important to me. I come from a family of meat eaters however my mum is now a vegetarian and I am raising my 5 year old daughter as a vegetarian. I am beginning to introduce her to my vegan values and explain why I have made certain choices to help her understand why I don’t eat some of the things that she currently does. I’ve found she has always understood the concept of not eating animals but struggled to fully understand what exactly comes from animals so I decided not to put this pressure on her at such a young age. She is a proud vegetarian and knows that I am vegan. Eventually I’m sure she’ll fully grasp the difference.

I have already waffled on quite a bit! Many apologies! I’ll get to my main issue now. I am not with my daughters father but I am with a new partner who I have been with for nearly two years. When we first met he made a conscious effort to try veganism and was vegetarian for a number of weeks. It was a new relationship and I respected him massively for cutting out meat and I thought he seemed to understand my reasons for being a vegan. He was a big meat eater before we met and sadly he is eating meat once again. A lot of meat. Our fridge and freezer are now always well stocked with meat. I am finding it incredibly hard to deal with.

I have raised this with him on a couple of occasions but he basically just says that he’s not changing. I shouldn’t expect him to change but I find it so upsetting and disrespectful of my beliefs. It makes me feel so distant from him. His blatant ignorance is so offensive to me but he just doesn’t seem to ‘get that’. Any advice on how I can deal with this issue would be greatly received as I am struggling to get past it and due to my ethical and moral values I do not believe I should have to get past it! But as time goes on it feels like it is becoming increasingly difficult to address. I do not think I can carry on overlooking his consumption of animals but he has made it clear that he loves meat and will not change his diet. And I guess why should he? I don’t want him to feel like he’s been given an ultimatum. I’d be interested to hear from anyone who may have had a similar experience or currently in the same boat. From my perspective it is putting a huge wedge between us but I feel like it has become tricky for me to put this across to him in a constructive, non dictating way.

Sorry for the long post!! Thanks for your time if you made it to the end! Please help!

I dont know anyone in my life who is a vegetarian or vegan. When I told my best friend I was going vegan, he said "that's stupid" and was immediately concerned about my health. He manages to survive on mc Donald's and taco bell, I take vitamins and he doesn't. It seems suprising that people wouldn't go vegan, it's good for human health, the well being of animals, and the enviorment, it seems like a no brainers to be vegan. People fear what they dont understand, and because their just not interested, they dont put the time in learning. I dont think he means to be disrespectful. Meat and animal products taste good, and he probably grew up as an omnivore. Its suprising that taste can trump health, suffering, and the enviorment for some people..it's just food, but for some people they feel it'll hurt their quality of life. Keep talking to him about these issues, and focus on your emotional connection, I hope he comes around

 

[Rory17]

Hi there, I am new to this forum and desperately seeking some advice from like minded people. I became a vegetarian at the age of 12 and decided to live a vegan lifestyle 3 years ago now. Being a vegan is extremely important to me. I come from a family of meat eaters however my mum is now a vegetarian and I am raising my 5 year old daughter as a vegetarian. I am beginning to introduce her to my vegan values and explain why I have made certain choices to help her understand why I don’t eat some of the things that she currently does. I’ve found she has always understood the concept of not eating animals but struggled to fully understand what exactly comes from animals so I decided not to put this pressure on her at such a young age. She is a proud vegetarian and knows that I am vegan. Eventually I’m sure she’ll fully grasp the difference.

I have already waffled on quite a bit! Many apologies! I’ll get to my main issue now. I am not with my daughters father but I am with a new partner who I have been with for nearly two years. When we first met he made a conscious effort to try veganism and was vegetarian for a number of weeks. It was a new relationship and I respected him massively for cutting out meat and I thought he seemed to understand my reasons for being a vegan. He was a big meat eater before we met and sadly he is eating meat once again. A lot of meat. Our fridge and freezer are now always well stocked with meat. I am finding it incredibly hard to deal with.

I have raised this with him on a couple of occasions but he basically just says that he’s not changing. I shouldn’t expect him to change but I find it so upsetting and disrespectful of my beliefs. It makes me feel so distant from him. His blatant ignorance is so offensive to me but he just doesn’t seem to ‘get that’. Any advice on how I can deal with this issue would be greatly received as I am struggling to get past it and due to my ethical and moral values I do not believe I should have to get past it! But as time goes on it feels like it is becoming increasingly difficult to address. I do not think I can carry on overlooking his consumption of animals but he has made it clear that he loves meat and will not change his diet. And I guess why should he? I don’t want him to feel like he’s been given an ultimatum. I’d be interested to hear from anyone who may have had a similar experience or currently in the same boat. From my perspective it is putting a huge wedge between us but I feel like it has become tricky for me to put this across to him in a constructive, non dictating way.

Sorry for the long post!! Thanks for your time if you made it to the end! Please help!

Maybe show him some videos, such as those by Earthling Ed, Joey Carbstrong and the Food Matrix one from Florida? Maybe also kindly ask he could watch Earthlings, Land of Hope and Glory or Cowspiracy with you, when your daughter isn’t around, or if she is in the house, but not likely to come in and see anything inappropriate for her age?
When it is published (and I hope it is “when”, not “if”), I will say you could have him read my book “Why You Should Go Vegan”. When it comes to his reading/watching things like vegan books, documentaries and videos, please ask him to keep an open mind to the idea of veganism. Even if he says he won’t, please still try to get him to watch/read it/them anyway…
Thank you and have a wonderful day!