I was wondering, especially from vv ers in their 20s and 30s, what do you think is an acceptable age gap in a relationship? Providing the younger of the two is early 20s, what do you think?
In a relationship, how much age difference do you think is wise?
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Renee1
Rawry
It's hard to say. It really depends on the people involved. My boyfriend is 5 years younger than me, which isn't that much, but it is something.
OP
OP
A couple of things have gotten me thinking lately. Yesterday, my daughter and I successfully helped a 19-year old woman escape an abusive relationship with a man in his mid-thirties. Also, my daughter, 23, is starting to go out with a guy who's 38. He seems and looks much younger; he's a punk musician (with a day job.) He has no kids or ex wives, and hasn't been to jail. I haven't mentioned his age to my husband yet, I'm not sure what he'll think.
kazyeeqen
Superb Owl
That's funny, I was going to say about 15 years would be what I think is reasonable if one party is in their early 20s. 
Each situation is different though.
It doesn't match the, half + seven rule.
Each situation is different though.
It doesn't match the, half + seven rule.
Freesia
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I dated 2 guys that were 15 years older than me when I was 25. I didnt find it to be a problem. They were mature and life experienced and that was a bonus. They were both good to talk to as they had stories to tell.
Freesia
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Re abuse, I dont think age denotes abuse, it is the character of a person. I know a woman who was beaten and left for dead in her apartment in college. Both were about 20. I had a friend who had a really controlling boyfriend at college too, again both of them 19-21. Luckily she managed to break it off with him.
RabbitLuvr
I love rabbits.
My husband is five years younger than I am. I think if both people are consenting adults, it doesn't matter much. To me, anyway.
Renee1
Rawry
Parallels are sexy.
I couldn't be with anyone much older than myself, but whatever makes one happy.
Freesia
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Older men are the bomb in my experience. But I would go younger too. Love knows no number and I guess you never know how old the love of your life is going to be.
Ideally I would like to be with someone who is 1-7 years older than me. But you cant mail order them from the universe .
My boyfriend 4 years ago was 5 years older and I felt that that was a very comfortable age difference.
Ideally I would like to be with someone who is 1-7 years older than me. But you cant mail order them from the universe
.My boyfriend 4 years ago was 5 years older and I felt that that was a very comfortable age difference.
SummerRain
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
I think if the younger partner is in their 20s, then any age gap is fine by me, and none of anybody elses business.
As for "wise", well I think once you go about 15-20 years, then age is likely to pose significant differences - in experience and expectations of life and the relationship, they're typically in very different places. Obviously that's not always true, and also that isn't in itself a bad thing, but I think that's the age where I think I'd notice the age gap, even if we as individuals were very well suited.
My Fiance and I have an 8 year age difference, and nobody in our lives has ever suggested it's an issue. I don't actually feel like there's any age gap at all, because in terms of maturity I think we're pretty much on a par. I'm quite independent and mature for a 20 year old, and he hadn't settled down in any way before we met, so we sort of settled down together, which is very much what happens with friends with just a 0-2 year age gap relationship.
As for "wise", well I think once you go about 15-20 years, then age is likely to pose significant differences - in experience and expectations of life and the relationship, they're typically in very different places. Obviously that's not always true, and also that isn't in itself a bad thing, but I think that's the age where I think I'd notice the age gap, even if we as individuals were very well suited.
My Fiance and I have an 8 year age difference, and nobody in our lives has ever suggested it's an issue. I don't actually feel like there's any age gap at all, because in terms of maturity I think we're pretty much on a par. I'm quite independent and mature for a 20 year old, and he hadn't settled down in any way before we met, so we sort of settled down together, which is very much what happens with friends with just a 0-2 year age gap relationship.
Lord Snot
Parsley Provider
I'm 23, and if I was single I would date someone of any age (over the age of consent!) if I liked them, but I wouldn't enter a serious relationship with anyone over 40, and I'd need to give it serious thought if they were over 35. If we had kids then he'd be around 65 by the time they left home, and I might have to go from looking after a child to looking after my partner with no fun alone time in between. Even without kids I wouldn't want to be in the prime of life with a partner starting to get health problems, slowing down, probably losing interest in sex etc. Disclaimer that I know you get 65 year olds in perfect health.
In the end you can't choose who you love and any age rules go out of the window when you meet someone and fall in love with them, but thinking just with my head those would be my thresh holds.
In the end you can't choose who you love and any age rules go out of the window when you meet someone and fall in love with them, but thinking just with my head those would be my thresh holds.
AeryFairy
Anachronism
According to science, a successful heterosexual marriage should have the groom 5 years older than the bride.
But I don't see any real moral problem with age gaps of any size, providing it's all legal and consensual. Personally, though, I've stuck to people my age or older, and by no more than 6 years (which seemed like a lot when I was 17). The bigger the age gap, I suppose, the more likely you are to want different things out of the relationship, which can obviously cause problems. Boyfriend now is three years older than me (mentally he's a lot younger), and it works just fine.
But I don't see any real moral problem with age gaps of any size, providing it's all legal and consensual. Personally, though, I've stuck to people my age or older, and by no more than 6 years (which seemed like a lot when I was 17). The bigger the age gap, I suppose, the more likely you are to want different things out of the relationship, which can obviously cause problems. Boyfriend now is three years older than me (mentally he's a lot younger
), and it works just fine.
OP
OP
This seems to be how my daughter thinks of it, too. She said 40 would be too old, and 38 was really pushing it, but he seems much younger to her. She said no pot belly, not balding or gray,
. He's playing Sunday night, and she'll be his guest at the club, so she'll get to meet a bunch of his friends, etc, which will be interesting for her, I'm sure. She's only dated guys around her own age before.
Lord Snot
Parsley Provider
Mr Snot is 4 years older than me, we have a good chance according to science
Even a 4 year age gap causes slight problems. He is anxious to have kids soon whereas I'd rather wait until I'm around his age.
This seems to be how my daughter thinks of it, too. She said 40 would be too old, and 38 was really pushing it, but he seems much younger to her. She said no pot belly, not balding or gray,
That could be a defining moment. If they patronise her or talk about stuff "before her time" it could put a real dampener on the relationship, which they might do if they think she is too young for him and want to put her off. But hopefully they are pleased for them both and everyone gets on fine
This.
My husband is 5 years older than me but he looks and behaves much younger than a 42 year old.
OP
OP
Yes, she said something similar to that. Since his band has been around a long time, it will be a big group that have known each other a long time. My worry is the other band members gfs/wives, but my D talks a blue streak and loves live music, so I can kind of see the night working.Mr Snot is 4 years older than me, we have a good chance according to science
Even a 4 year age gap causes slight problems. He is anxious to have kids soon whereas I'd rather wait until I'm around his age.
That could be a defining moment. If they patronise her or talk about stuff "before her time" it could put a real dampener on the relationship, which they might do if they think she is too young for him and want to put her off. But hopefully they are pleased for them both and everyone gets on fine
D has said she does want to have or adopt a child or two, but it's more "someday", and he has already mentioned his mom nagging him to settle down.
kibbleforlola
Lola Worshiper
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There is a 9 year age gap between bf and me. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 28. Despite the age difference, we've had a lot of "firsts" together. He'd been living in the barracks, so we had first house, first shared bank account, lots of first "adult" things. I think it works because we are similar maturity-wise, and we just have fun together.
That's not saying we never have fights or anything, we do. In seven years, there are bound to be a few (in fact, we just had a big one a few weeks ago). But they're few and far between, and I don't feel like our age gap has any bearing on them. And we're over it, life is good together again, and I'm sure it will be good together until we die of old age.
That's not saying we never have fights or anything, we do. In seven years, there are bound to be a few (in fact, we just had a big one a few weeks ago). But they're few and far between, and I don't feel like our age gap has any bearing on them. And we're over it, life is good together again, and I'm sure it will be good together until we die of old age.
Freesia
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I think that it definitely depends on what you want from life. I purposely want someone older than me, not because I dont like a younger man, but once you get to 35 you start to feel a bit over the hill and I want someone else to be over the hill with me, i dont want to be over the hill alone.
OP
OP
