Yes, kidnapping tends to complicate matters. So usually with those people it just ends up as reminding them to leave every time they come to tell you about the latest abuse, until either it happens or you get tired of saying it.
i stopped
telling my friend what to do after a while, and started just listening, and sharing with her that it was
not ever ok for people to beat on or yell at or manipulate other people, period. that the people who do that sort of thing are broken, and that you can't fix them, all you can do is look after yourself- and that she was VERY worthy of being loved and treated better.
i stopped bringing up the abuse, and just focussed on providing somewhere safe where she could just relax and be herself, and being a friend who brought out her strengths, and reminded her of how awesome she was, and is- we'd do normal things like we used to do before she met the turd- go for walks, shop, hang out, chat about silly crap- let her clear her head and escape mentally.
i infrequently reminded her that
if she decided that she wanted a break from the abuse, that there was a bedroom next to mine that was all set up and painted her favourite colour, and that i could help her get set up to go somewhere else, that we could help her to sort out money and phones and bills and cars out and
all of it, she just had to ask, and i frequently reminded her that she could call me at 3am or whenever, for any reason- even if she just wanted to chat about a movie she saw- but made it clear that i was here for her
regardless.
and then one day, to everybody's surprise, she only bloody well got up and left the douchebag narcissist ********
all by herself, and never looked back.
she owns that 110%. nobody made that decision for her. and now a few years and a few bumps down the road later, she has THE bestest man ever and the bestest kitty and her life is getting
so much better all around. she has reinvented herself. .