Sorting this all out...

TitanRay

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  1. Vegan newbie
Right now, I have transitioned to phase who knows what because it started with eating mostly legumes and very little meat to reduce my grocery bill at home, to eating very little meat when out, to eating no meat when out, while leaning heavily on dairy and eggs. I decided to do a slooowww transition to vegan, watched a documentary about factory farming and kill floors upon recommendation, and that propelled my transition to warp speed. Here I am after a social week trying to figure out how to lean into this because I'm learning that eating at home is easy but eating a vegan diet at other people's homes and at most restaurants is extremely difficult.

I'm also extremely frugal, and I don't want to eat a veggie burger on a bed of lettuce every time I go to a restaurant for $30 a meal, especially since I prefer what I prepare much more. If I don't rip the band-aid, I'll continue to begrudgingly eat food that does not align with my values to keep my social life and to ease my people-pleasing ways. The thing is, to everyone around me, a hamburger bun is a hamburger bun, not a symbol of exploitation. Shrimp sitting on a platter of ice is not a sentient, over-sourced crustacean... A burger isn't an abused cow, or multiple abused cows, who tried to escape being slaughtered after living their whole life on a factory farm in deplorable conditions. It's just a juicy puck that only ever was and could only ever be a meat patty. I know this because that was the way I thought less than a year ago. I stand out like a sore and awkward thumb, and I really, really don't like that... But I also really feel like there can't be grey areas: You're either feeding the machine with consumerism, or you're starving it by withholding your dollars.

I also struggle with eating AND throwing the dairy and eggs in my home away because an animal suffered greatly, and it seems cruel to eat it, but it seems worse for it to end up in the trash. I also find myself uncomfortable with the judgment. We can eat something from the garden and discuss the entire process from A to Z while eating it, and it's all accolades, "yay, you! You grew a garden, and here WE all are eating the fruits of your labor". But when we abstain from meat and animal byproducts, we often endure judgy glares or dismissiveness, and oddly enough, people NEVER want to discuss how their steak and butter ended up on their plate. It's not polite dinner conversation, especially mid-bite. Any suggestions for social gatherings about other people's discomfort with my diet, and how to handle dairy and eggs in-house while transitioning, like a nearly full container of mayonnaise, are greatly appreciated.
 
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This is the hardest part of becoming vegan isn’t it- socialising around food. I find most people accept that I am vegan and even apologise when eating animal products around me- I usually just mumble that I’m not the one you need to apologise to.
Unfortunately I don’t have suggestions for you as I now socialise less because of all the reasons you mentioned. The menus have improved for vegan options but having to sit and watch people consume without conscience has become too much for me. Choose gatherings that don’t include food is my only suggestion.
 
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The social aspect is the most difficult.
But in the end it's simply a case of letting people know you don't eat meat, milk and egg products.
Then if you are invited around somewhere then maybe simply ask if you should bring your own food. There are really only 2 responses to this...either they say "no, no, we have it covered" or "ah sure, that would be great".

With restaurants, check menus before going. My family is not vegan, but I basically only go to restaurants where they have at least one clear vegan option...and sure, sometimes it's a burger. No mind, it usually comes with fries and salad and in a previous life I may very well have chosen the Angus burger anyway.
If I end up being invited somewhere out of my control then they always have fries and salad, and I make do.
The tip here is to not worry about cross-contamination. i.e. If they fry non-vegan food in the same fat, I really don't care as my purchase is not paying for that stuff and any mild cross-contamination isn't gonna kill me. So don't sweat it.

One other thing is to not worry about mistakes (unless they are blindingly obvious), either by yourself or restaurants...
eg... I bought some vego nuggets, made some, ate a portion and then (wrong order I know), read the packet. They had egg white as an ingredient. I finished them and made a mental note not to buy that brand again. No point wasting...the damage as they say is already done.
Same with restaurants. If you've asked for a vegan burger and it says "vegan mayo" in the menu, don't keep double checking... I did that from the beginning and it's just a road to more stress.
Eat the burger, enjoy the mayo or aioli and leave it at that. If they made a mistake with the sauces then they did.

I even once ordered the plant-based sausage and was convinced it was meat. So I pestered the waiter. In the end the chef had to come out and convince me... Final result...it was plant-based and now I was super-stressed and had made a massive fuss in the restaurant. It was clearly different to sausages other members of the group had ordered, so I should have simply gone with the flow. You do your part in asking for vegan stuff and unless they plop a T-Bone steak in front of you, or a chicken leg, then I'd simply assume it's all clear.
I guess it does depend where you are though.

By the way, I've not done it myself, but if you're still worried here, just state that you don't eat meat and that you have a milk and egg allergy... Places are much more likely to be extra careful.
 
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This is the hardest part of becoming vegan isn’t it- socialising around food. I find most people accept that I am vegan and even apologise when eating animal products around me- I usually just mumble that I’m not the one you need to apologise to.
Unfortunately I don’t have suggestions for you as I now socialise less because of all the reasons you mentioned. The menus have improved for vegan options but having to sit and watch people consume without conscience has become too much for me. Choose gatherings that don’t include food is my only suggestion.
Hello, thank you for the advice. I'm newly plant-based, but I am not young, so I reserve a little judgement because, aside from a few previous tries, I've eaten meat my entire life. I know very well that most people do not see their food as an animal. Personally, I thought that I was being much more conscious by avoiding meat while consuming dairy and eggs simply because I thought the animal was not slain for me to buy it. I wholeheartedly believe every person should be taught where their food comes from at an early age. Marketing shows happy cows on dairy farms, not the dark side of factory farming and animal abuse.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1956
The social aspect is the most difficult.
But in the end it's simply a case of letting people know you don't eat meat, milk and egg products.
Then if you are invited around somewhere then maybe simply ask if you should bring your own food. There are really only 2 responses to this...either they say "no, no, we have it covered" or "ah sure, that would be great".

With restaurants, check menus before going. My family is not vegan, but I basically only go to restaurants where they have at least one clear vegan option...and sure, sometimes it's a burger. No mind, it usually comes with fries and salad and in a previous life I may very well have chosen the Angus burger anyway.
If I end up being invited somewhere out of my control then they always have fries and salad, and I make do.
The tip here is to not worry about cross-contamination. i.e. If they fry non-vegan food in the same fat, I really don't care as my purchase is not paying for that stuff and any mild cross-contamination isn't gonna kill me. So don't sweat it.

One other thing is to not worry about mistakes (unless they are blindingly obvious), either by yourself or restaurants...
eg... I bought some vego nuggets, made some, ate a portion and then (wrong order I know), read the packet. They had egg white as an ingredient. I finished them and made a mental note not to buy that brand again. No point wasting...the damage as they say is already done.
Same with restaurants. If you've asked for a vegan burger and it says "vegan mayo" in the menu, don't keep double checking... I did that from the beginning and it's just a road to more stress.
Eat the burger, enjoy the mayo or aioli and leave it at that. If they made a mistake with the sauces then they did.

I even once ordered the plant-based sausage and was convinced it was meat. So I pestered the waiter. In the end the chef had to come out and convince me... Final result...it was plant-based and now I was super-stressed and had made a massive fuss in the restaurant. It was clearly different to sausages other members of the group had ordered, so I should have simply gone with the flow. You do your part in asking for vegan stuff and unless they plop a T-Bone steak in front of you, or a chicken leg, then I'd simply assume it's all clear.
I guess it does depend where you are though.

By the way, I've not done it myself, but if you're still worried here, just state that you don't eat meat and that you have a milk and egg allergy... Places are much more likely to be extra careful.
Thank you for the advice! I'm just getting used to reading the package for everything I consume. I am cautious and hold myself accountable, but I am not torturing myself. I am surprised how pervasive animals and their byproduct are in our diet.

Food is such a social connection, and, personally speaking, I have historically focused on the menu. We have whole gatherings centered around what will be eaten, and who will provide what... The good thing is, when it comes to gatherings at someone's home, I've always been the one to bring the fruit. The bad thing is, I am not a picky eater, and it's convenient because I'm a people pleaser. I will usually say, "We can have whatever because I really don't care" and now I can't. I did bring my own plant-based burger to a recent gathering, and it was uncomfortable; we are social beings, so anything that sets us apart can feel like a threat, which will lead to social isolation. Luckily, I have supportive friends, and I will work on advocating for myself.

Restaurants... I think my mindset will have to move from the delicious things I will eat to the benefits of socializing because I can't justify $30 drops on veggie patties and fries unless simply based on that alone unless I'm coming from the perspective that the bill is covering the location, the staff, the utilities, etc., while still benefiting from being included and out and about with my friends.
 
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one way some of us deal with this issue is to eat before you meet up with someone, eg restaurant, and then you can just order a salad or something small/vegan and don't feel ripped off - also take a dish to share when you go to someone's home and then eat the parts of the meal that are vegan that they have provided - I had a days long family reunion last year that was about an hour or so from my home, so I stayed home and ate breakfast before going, brought food and left before dinner which invariably was based around meat - I have many enjoyable hours with family and didn't make a fuss nor was I fussed over as they all know that I love them, I just don't love all their food

finishing the food in your refrigerator is not an issue...

Emma JC
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