Not buying non vegan food (debt)

[MamaJessica]

debate**

I am the only Vegan in my home. and I finally decided that I am no longer going to be buying Non-Vegan food anymore. They are free to eat/buy it if they do it themselves or someone else does.

I got a lot of flack for this with friends saying I am being financially abusive since my husband can't work, and doesn't bring in an income.... but he does get checks once in a while for things like surveys GST etc
I will still buy his medication of course, just not his pizza pops, or cottage cheese....

and people are tearing me apart for this...

should I go back to buying these things for him even though I feel its wrong to support it?
(they also use my income is his income "our money" thing)

 

[rogerjolly]

Hi Jessica,

You won’t be in the slightest bit surprised that your dilemma is far from unique. There are many variations of it. Examples are on this forum under “support” at the threads “Relationship issues” and “Really need support right now...” currently on pages 3 and 4.

I would say follow your heart. But it is a personal decision that only you can make. If you go that way I am sure you will be able to make your husband understand. But the last thing you want to do is be influenced (or dare I say bullied) by “friends” who will probably never anywhere near appreciate your feelings.

In Roman Catholic circles there is a profound expression, “There is nothing like the zeal of the convert.” That also probable applies to vegans. And it can really create a stir!

Good luck,

Roger.

 

[Plant Muncher]

I've always been of the mind that first you take care of yourself. If you have small children, you owe them the best possible life you can give them but that is about as far as you should go when it comes to taking responsibility for others.

It sounds like the main issue is a very common one. Money is tight and resources are limited. If you were to address the issue from a budgetary standpoint by allocating some money for your needs and some money for others needs, it would be clearer to everyone what is being spent on each person's choices. That forces them to support the lifestyle that they want while you support the lifestyle that you want. As it stands now, resources are being pulled back and forth because there isn't a strict line between the competing needs. Compromises will have to be made and people will have to stick to their guns when push comes to shove. So, if for example, your husband runs out of pizza money, he has to either go hungry or share your vegan choices. He may learn to like them.

I think at a minimum, you will learn a few things along the way.

 

[Jamie in Chile]

I agree with your decision but you need to make sure you are not controlling people because you have the money.

If everyone that lives together works and has independent finances, what you say is quite fair period.

To take the situation of a wife that works while her husband cleans the house and looks after the kids, it would be unfair to push food choices onto the husband since they are both committing to the relationship equally. However, in such a situation, it might make sense to refuse to buy non-vegan food, but give the non-vegan husband some money to buy things themselves as they see fit.

I think you have to decide if your situation is more like the former than the latter and then decide whether or not to give an amount of money.

Alternatively, you can say, I will no longer be buying non-vegan food but I will be paying the electricity bill from now on (for instance, and assuming you were not already paying the electricity bill and the amounts were about the same).

I hope you work it out.

 

[Mark Mywordz]

Hi Jessica
My thoughts briefly:
It's your friends who are being abusive. Friends should support you whether they share your values or not.
The food you give your husband is the best for his health. It's in his interest to have a healthy diet.
It is morally wrong to ask anybody to buy things which they strongly disapprove of. Should you buy drugs for a drug addict or alcohol for an alcoholic?
I admire you for your strength of character.

 

[Harmony]

Do what you want. It is your life and no one really should have any say besides you. Yes, it is nice of you to still be helping out with medications but if he wants something different to eat he can buy it. Nothing complicated about it. Why are you saying anything to other people about it? Maybe if you stop talking about it you won't have to listen to their opinions. I learned that keeping my business to myself prevented all the drama of other peoples opinions and inputs.

 

[maya6543]

I'm a student and I live with my parents, both non vegans, and I take care of the grocery shopping since I'm quite particular about my food. I sat down and talked with them and expressed my discomfort with purchasing these things and after some much needed communication they really came around and they don't ask me to buy non-vegan items anymore, and it's really positively influenced their diet !! I would suggest you stay true to yourself, it may cause a little bit of confrontation in the beginning but I think it'll be really worth it. Best of luck!!