My vegan wedding

[Mama_Veg96]

So I am getting married this June and am having the food be vegan. In my mind, this was an obvious choice for us (my fiance and I) He is not vegan, but I am and understands why I feel so strongly about having vegan food at our wedding. Our families, however, do not. My mother and grandmother in particular feel as if "I am shoving my personal beliefs down other people's throats and am not being considerate to my guests because not everyone wants to eat vegan food." I tried to explain to them why it's important to me, and how I am not comfortable serving animal products at my wedding but they just became more aggressive, comparing it to religion. Saying, "it's like going to a catholic church and the pastor tells you that you can't attend church unless you get a baptism first." I see where they are coming from, however, I don't feel as if they are right at all. I just don't know the right way to articulate to them why it seems wrong to me. I just don't understand why it's such a big deal to eat vegan food for 1 night. I want to word it better than I am in my head as all I can think of at this point is through frustration and I don't want to come off as a militant vegan. This is why I often don't talk about veganism with family, I am not good at rebutle. If anyone has any suggestions or even just support, I would be so grateful for any advice. Thank you!

 

[Sax]

Remind them it's your wedding and the menu isn't up for negotiation. If they won't leave it alone tell them they'll be so happy for you two they won't even be thinking about the food - dare them to disagree!

Congrats

 

[Nekodaiden]

I would put it explicitly on the invitation:

"Dear friends and family. It is important to me that animal products are not served on our special day. The wedding and reception celebrations will be but a few hours of your time. Plenty of delicious food will be available, enough to satisfy everyone during this period. However, for those who feel they cannot go even this short period without, please take this into consideration prior to attending. Abstinance from animal foods is very important to me, and I hope that in choosing to attend you can understand their absence for only a few hours celebrating our union. "

Your guests should be there for you and your husband to be, whatever the meal arrangements, and not for the "trade off" of getting a free meal in exchange for their gifts/presence that involves things you do not believe in. It is not a big ask, to provide adequate food while also notifying them beforehand. It is certainly not akin to asking for a conversion.

Make sure enough bathroom facilities are available for any of the chronic flesh eaters who dare to partake in any higher fiber meals.

 

[Mama_Veg96]

Remind them it's your wedding and the menu isn't up for negotiation. If they won't leave it alone tell them they'll be so happy for you two they won't even be thinking about the food - dare them to disagree!

Congrats

Thank you! This is very helpful!

 

[Mama_Veg96]

I would put it explicitly on the invitation:

"Dear friends and family. It is important to me that animal products are not served on our special day. The wedding and reception celebrations will be but a few hours of your time. Plenty of delicious food will be available, enough to satisfy everyone during this period. However, for those who feel they cannot go even this short period without, please take this into consideration prior to attending. Abstinance from animal foods is very important to me, and I hope that in choosing to attend you can understand their absence for only a few hours celebrating our union. "

Your guests should be there for you and your husband to be, whatever the meal arrangements, and not for the "trade off" of getting a free meal in exchange for their gifts/presence that involves things you do not believe in. It is not a big ask, to provide adequate food while also notifying them beforehand. It is certainly not akin to asking for a conversion.

Make sure enough bathroom facilities are available for any of the chronic flesh eaters who dare to partake in any higher fiber meals.

Thank you! This is very helpful! My usual instinct is rage, which is why I often don't say anything, haha! You put this so eloquently, so it will definitely give me a reference next time it's brought up.

 

[Emma JC]

welcome to the forum, @Mama_Veg96

You are getting a tiny glimpse of the future.... it is not going to stop with your wedding. They will have opinions of what you and your husband eat going into the future, how you raise your children.... Christmases, birthdays etc. I am not saying this to discourage you only to warn you that you will need to build up a strategy that works for you and keeps peace in the family.

I would suggest, for the wedding, that you figure out your menu before discussing it further with them. When you have it clear what will be served and they see that it will be delicious and joyous and also peaceful from a lack of animal cruelty, then they will have less to say.

I am not sure that saying anything on your invitations is neccesary although I would maybe have something on the table (maybe with the table menu) that states something similar to what @Nekodaiden suggested.

I wish you all the best going forward and please keep us up to date so we can help along the way if possible.

Emma JC

 

[Mama_Veg96]

welcome to the forum, @Mama_Veg96

You are getting a tiny glimpse of the future.... it is not going to stop with your wedding. They will have opinions of what you and your husband eat going into the future, how you raise your children.... Christmases, birthdays etc. I am not saying this to discourage you only to warn you that you will need to build up a strategy that works for you and keeps peace in the family.

I would suggest, for the wedding, that you figure out your menu before discussing it further with them. When you have it clear what will be served and they see that it will be delicious and joyous and also peaceful from a lack of animal cruelty, then they will have less to say.

I am not sure that saying anything on your invitations is neccesary although I would maybe have something on the table (maybe with the table menu) that states something similar to what @Nekodaiden suggested.

I wish you all the best going forward and please keep us up to date so we can help along the way if possible.

Emma JC

Great advice, thank you! I will keep y'all updated!

 

[Forest Nymph]

It's your wedding. People eat vegan food constantly - avocado toast, sticky rice, apples, pretzels, lentil soup, dolma, hummus and flat bread, margarine, pasta primavera, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, granola bars or trail mix, celery with peanut butter and raisins, Graham crackers.... people literally give their kids vegan snacks in kindergarten.

So to suggest it will damage them irreplaceably to eat a fancy vegan meal for one night is literal prejudice. They do NOT deserve consideration from either it being YOUR WEDDING (look I know Mormons who had weddings their family couldn't attend because they aren't Mormon) and neither from logic, from my list above.

My friend recently shared her heartbreak. Her family is Catholic so as a vegan she chose to join the 7th Day Adventist Church. Her sisters wouldn't join her at lunch after her Baptism because it was a vegan restaurant, only her mom came.

This is seriously crappy. I can say terrible things about my mom, but I will say she's not afraid to eat a veggie burger. Of all the things. Really, come on, fam.

 

[Forest Nymph]

One of the things I will say is that vegans can experience real, awful rejection from their loved ones and I have no goal to downplay that.

My ex made fun of my vegetarianism, and tried to stop me from becoming vegan. Even as a vegetarian he tried keeping yogurt in the fridge and suggesting "the bagel place" he tried but he also didn't, calling me picky and spoiled and basically suggested I'd die from veganism like River Phoenix (though I am not a heroin addict).

My life goal is to date or marry a vegan. I have had short term vegetarian partners. Even having a long term partner as a veggie is a HUGE thing really.

My sister was vegan before I was and my mom is a flexitarian who drinks soy milk for the past fifteen years because of lactose intolerance. My family would never reject me over a vegan dinner. My oldest nephew follows me on my DXE page.

But my grandparents forced me to eat meat (that I fed to our dog undrr the table) and I still aspire to love them for not being the horrible POS they could have been. People are molested and raped by their folks. People experience physical abuse. People are disowned for being gay.

I went on a drunken rant about my awesome grandpa the other night because wow he didn't xyz me.

Always think of that with your family too. The good they did, the credit they deserve, what stellar people they are for not leaving you to die in a box by a public trash bin, or later try to kill you for talking to a man, or never speak to you again for being trans.

 

[kelli]

LOL Die from veganism like River. He sounds nuts Forest Nymph.Everyone knows he died from drugs.

 

[kelli]

Congrads on ur wedding Mamaveg! It's ur wedding so no one can tell u what u should have on the menu or shouldn't have. It's ur special beautiful happy day!U will make a gorgeous bride. You look like a model! Lucky!

 

[Three Chickpeas]

It's your wedding, it's your choice. Simple.

Don't let them bring you down! You're making an admirable and courageous choice.

Congratulations BTW!

 

[TofuRobot]

Hello and Congratulations!

I agree with what @Emma JC said - about this is merely a snippet of what is to come, so you need to learn how you're going to navigate these situations from the start, as you'll be setting a precedence. And, as everyone else has said, this is YOUR party, and YOU get to decide what is served.

The comment about "shoving your beliefs down other people's throats" is to me, one I always find ridiculous. To suggest that people can't eat food that doesn't include animal products for 3 hours out of their day is, again, ridiculous. To pressure you in that way is the very definition of shoving a belief down your throat.

I don't think you need to make any announcement ahead of time. You might say "Please enjoy the delicious vegan food!" when the meal is served. Beyond that, you don't owe anyone anything!

So, to Mom and Grandma: Thank you so much for your opinion - I love you! This is our wedding and we've picked the menu already. I promise you're going to love it!

Stand your ground. You have zero obligation to cater to your guest's unnecessary addictions.

EDIT: I am the queen of "unconventional weddings." I would never get married again, but the one wedding I was a part of, was a potluck wedding (everyone brought enough for 4 people, along with the recipe, which was later compiled into a recipe book we sent to the attendees), and we didn't have a cake, we had a "tree" of chocolate covered strawberries. All but 2 of the 110 people we invited came, and everyone had a blast. It's your wedding, you only do it once. Do it YOUR way.

EDIT #2: You could simply say "I'm sorry but no animals are going to be harmed in my name for my party! We have a only one chance to do this and our wedding will be cruelty-free! No exceptions!"