I'm the only vegan I know

I think it had something to do with the judgment 🙄 . Not sure who here meets their definition of 'vegan'. Maybe someone in the vegan pets thread.
It's not my definition, it's the definition, according to the Vegan society: "Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose."

If someone said to you, "I have a bottle of wine." And you said, "Oh, that's actually grape juice - I know it's seems similar, but it's actually quite different," would that be judgement? Definitions are important. That's why we have a differentiation between vegan and plant-based. They seem similar, and like wine and grape juice, have a lot in common, but they are distinctly different.

If I come onto a vegan forum, I expect to hear from other vegans. I came here for support because I don't have any vegans IRL to talk to and I was desperate to connect with others who could relate. Instead, the replies I received just furthered the predicament I was hoping to receive support for: feeling alone and having others view my ethical choices as too extreme. It was tremendously disappointing and I feel more alone than ever.
 
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It's not my definition, it's the definition, according to the Vegan society: "Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose."

If someone said to you, "I have a bottle of wine." And you said, "Oh, that's actually grape juice - I know it's seems similar, but it's actually quite different," would that be judgement? Definitions are important. That's why we have a differentiation between vegan and plant-based. They seem similar, and like wine and grape juice, have a lot in common, but they are distinctly different.

If I come onto a vegan forum, I expect to hear from other vegans. I came here for support because I don't have any vegans IRL to talk to and I was desperate to connect with others who could relate. Instead, the replies I received just furthered the predicament I was hoping to receive support for: feeling alone and having others view my ethical choices as too extreme. It was tremendously disappointing and I feel more alone than ever.
You are hearing from other vegans. The definition of veganism that you quoted includes the phrase "as far as is possible and practicable," which is a pretty broad phrase, as it means different things to different people. It's an out clause, basically, that relieves people from perfectionism/purity, which is unattainable no matter how you slice it. And there is nothing wrong with that. That phrase offers a range of what is possible and practicable. There are people who live in food deserts, for instance, who don't have access to affordable fresh fruit and vegetables or the financial means to be so selective about their diets. It's not as black and white as you portray it. There are things humans do just by existing that harm animals, and in many cases, those things are unavoidable. That is the reality of the world we live in. But what we can do is lead by example, live the best vegan life possible and get involved in animal rights activities.

I'm sorry that you didn't find the support you were looking for. Most of us don't have other vegans in our off-line lives, either, so this is indeed a place of support.
 
I'm sorry that you didn't find the support you were looking for. Most of us don't have other vegans in our off-line lives, either, so this is indeed a place of support.

If this were indeed a place of support, I would be supported. Instead, I've been mocked, judged, and critiqued. The few people who weren't outright critical had nothing supportive to say. This isn't a supportive community.
 
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If this were indeed a place of support, I would be supported. Instead, I've been mocked, judged, and critiqued. The few people who weren't outright critical had nothing supportive to say. This isn't a supportive community.
No, you just have encountered some people who might disagree with your point of view and are challenging it with their points of view. This is also a discussion board, so people are going to discuss.
 
Chickenmammalover

Some people think I'm a hypocrit because I am not cuddly with cats and dogs. They say things like you are a vegetarian/vegan aren't you supposed to love animals! I try to explain that I like animals enough to not kill them but not enough to be costantly stroking and cooing over them. This seems to me to be perfectly logically and consistent. Depending on my mood I might then ask them how it is consistent that they cuddle some animals and eat others!
 
If this were indeed a place of support, I would be supported. Instead, I've been mocked, judged, and critiqued. The few people who weren't outright critical had nothing supportive to say. This isn't a supportive community.

Read through this thread again. It is you mocking, judging and being critical, it is you alienating others with your extreme definition of veganism. Do you remember the 'practicable and possible' bit about the definition of veganism? As I said earlier, I am now 100% vegan, I do not consume or use any animal products - my wife has just dyed her hair and took great care to choose a vegan hair dye from Amazon, oh, and she took delivery of a pair of vegan shoes the other day. Yet despite all this, you told me that I was not a vegan, simply because my sons do not wish to follow this path and so I have to provide alternative meals for them - I am not about to start a war within my household and make life a misery for everyone by enforcing a vegan diet on my sons. (who's judging and critiquing whom now?) - it's called pragmatism and falls under that part of the definition you so conveniently ignore: 'practicable and possible'. It is you who is clearly not accepting the textbook definition of veganism and leaving out the bits that you don't like, and mocking others for not being like you.

You have received good advice from people here, but choose to ignore it completely because it doesn't suit your 'high standards' and prefer instead to sit in judgement on others. I wish you well in your pursuit of perfection, but please don't sneer at people who are simply trying their hardest and doing their best.

One final thing. Support is not always about telling a person what they want to hear. It's not always about offering a virtual hug. It's not always about agreeing with someone in order to make them feel better. Often it's about telling them what they need to hear, whether they agree with it or not. And when someone does give you advice that you disagree with, try to reflect on what they're saying, Step back and perhaps consider whether they just might have a point.
 
Being vegan is like being an atheist, a introvert or homosexual. Some personal preferences are usually perceived akward considering that many people are not open minded. To avoid being judged or ignored, most individuals choose to conform (join the crowd) or be discreet (do things secretly). That is why you may not come across a vegan that easily out there. Luckily, as a member of this forum you can interact and even meetup with a fellow vegan. And make a point to eat out in local vegan restaurants where you can readily meet and befriend other vegans.
 
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Read through this thread again. It is you mocking, judging and being critical, it is you alienating others with your extreme definition of veganism. Do you remember the 'practicable and possible' bit about the definition of veganism? As I said earlier, I am now 100% vegan, I do not consume or use any animal products - my wife has just dyed her hair and took great care to choose a vegan hair dye from Amazon, oh, and she took delivery of a pair of vegan shoes the other day. Yet despite all this, you told me that I was not a vegan, simply because my sons do not wish to follow this path and so I have to provide alternative meals for them - I am not about to start a war within my household and make life a misery for everyone by enforcing a vegan diet on my sons. (who's judging and critiquing whom now?) - it's called pragmatism and falls under that part of the definition you so conveniently ignore: 'practicable and possible'. It is you who is clearly not accepting the textbook definition of veganism and leaving out the bits that you don't like, and mocking others for not being like you.

You have received good advice from people here, but choose to ignore it completely because it doesn't suit your 'high standards' and prefer instead to sit in judgement on others. I wish you well in your pursuit of perfection, but please don't sneer at people who are simply trying their hardest and doing their best.

One final thing. Support is not always about telling a person what they want to hear. It's not always about offering a virtual hug. It's not always about agreeing with someone in order to make them feel better. Often it's about telling them what they need to hear, whether they agree with it or not. And when someone does give you advice that you disagree with, try to reflect on what they're saying, Step back and perhaps consider whether they just might have a point.

There are many things I could say in argument of your points, but that's not why I came here. I'm not here to defend myself or argue about veganism or convince anyone to do anything. Stating facts and being judgemental are not the same thing. You seem to have them confused. I came here seeking support. I didn't post here for a lecture or to make anyone feel defensive. I posted for encouragement and to hear from others who were going through something similar. It doesn't seem to matter because no one here seems to be a terribly good listener/reader. I wish you could take your own advice. Remember when you post that there is a real person on the other end reading your words.
 
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It is cognitive dissonance, which is Standard Operating Procedure for humans. I've been vegan for 23 years, and my family has not taken advantage of my expertise in this area, choosing instead to remain Creeple. I have helped turn a few people vegan, for example, my Ex and her mother. Like you I am an extremely emotional being, an artist, and I always have felt like a different species, even before becoming enlightened about the cosmos. 99% of people do not have any critical thinking skills, and regurgitate popular ideas and ways of doing things out of fear. It is evolutionary herd psychology.

Your heart is beautiful, and you are right and they are wrong, no matter what they say. Have you read John Robbins? As a a kid he was being groomed to take over the Baskin Robbins ice cream goliath, yet he chose a very different path, writing Diet For A New America, and helping jumpstart the vegan revolution - no one could understand what you are talking about more than him. And he is very inspiring in how he stays positive, even eventually influencing his father, which is no small feat. Finding inspiration from other vegans, even if it is not in person, helps a bit. But no matter what it is challenging to be so emotionally tuned in, enlightened, because the facades crumbles away and the propaganda and brainwashing becomes obnoxious in its obviousness - like Roddy Piper in the cheesy sci-fi classic They Live:
)

Anyway, hugs from this vegan weirdo, know that you are NOT alone!




I don't understand how people can live such contradictory lives. They are such hypocrites. As if that weren't bad enough, they all attack me for being, "too extreme."
 
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I'm sorry I reached out to this forum. I thought I would receive support, that maybe I wasn't the only one who felt this way. Now I feel more alone than ever.

Michael, you're not vegan. You're plant based. There's a difference. If you're using your money to support animal agriculture, you're not vegan by definition. That's why I spelled out the definition in my OP. You can justify your actions all you want - omnivores do it all the time. It doesn't change the fact that you value your sons' taste pleasure or your family getting along more than the lives of many animals.

Not that I see anything wrong with therapy, but I find it confounding that your reaction to my experience is that my emotions are uncalled for or debilitating given the situation at hand. Would you say the same thing if I had those reactions to known human suffering? If, say, I witnessed child trafficking or abuse on a regular basis and couldn't make it stop and everyone around me acted like it was normal? What if it was dogs and cats cut up and wrapped in plastic instead of pigs and cows? I choose to not bury my head in the sand regarding the atrocities we inflict on billions of animals. I also, despite society's tendencyntomdo so, don't value one species over the other. I don't think there's anything wrong with having an emotional reaction to babies being murdered and feeling helpless to stop it and witnessing people I love and respect support this cruelty. I thought in coming here that others might have had a similar experience. There are certainly many vegan youtubers who have and will sometimes share it in their videos. I was just hoping to have an actual exchange and thought that a vegan forum would be a space to find like minded people. I guess not.
I am with you. I completely relate to what you have said. I feel completely isolated and alone much of the time. Seeing the truth, being emotionally affected, being angry, needing support and conection, but being met with a general lack of respect and empathy.
Where are the people who actually understand and share the same outrage?
Thank you for posting.
 
I am with you. I completely relate to what you have said. I feel completely isolated and alone much of the time. Seeing the truth, being emotionally affected, being angry, needing support and conection, but being met with a general lack of respect and empathy.
Where are the people who actually understand and share the same outrage?
Thank you for posting.

Continuing this discussion from the other thread...

I chose not to live in a toxic atmosphere of 'outrage', how does that help the animals or help other people? I try to bring joy into my own life and into other people's lives and into animal's lives. If anyone in my life (and there are some) chooses to live in a constant state of anger I separate my daily life from theirs and I certainly would not take advice from them on any topic, especially a topic like veganism.

I get my support for veganism and a healthy plant-based life style from this forum, from watching YouTube videos and following the greats in the industry. I also watch people like Earthling Ed who deals with confrontation on veganism on a daily basis and not once have I seen him act in an angry or disrespectful way to non-vegans, even farmers. Does he have discussions and disagreements? yes, but not in a personal angry way.

Our "truth" is ours and being a shining example will get you far more followers than will anger and "why are you so blind" confrontations.
IMO

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com
 
I just want to start off by saying that I consider veganism to be an ethical lifestyle that is against all animal exploitation, so far as is practicable and possible (vegan society definition). So, if someone doesn't eat any animal products, but still wears animal skin or fur, he's not vegan. If someone doesn't eat animal products, but will buy them for those who do, she's not vegan.

Most of the people in my life claim to be animal lovers. They love their dogs, their cats - they love specific species, like seals or eagles. But they're happy to eat animals and support animal exploitation. This, to me, is so hypocritical.

My mother, for instance, claims to be vegan. She buys leather, wool, silk, and beeswax without a second thought. She buys meat, dairy, and eggs for her omnivorous family members. She says she loves animals and she owns dogs, who happened to be bought from a breeder. She's outraged by people who use shock collars or otherwise cause pain to their dogs. And yet, she doesn't see any harm in paying someone to kill pigs just because her son wants to eat bacon.

Most of my family members love dogs. They love dogs more than I do, in terms of how excited they are to spend time with them. They treat their dogs with the level of care most people treat children. And yet, they're happy to support industries who kill or cause cruelty to baby animals who are only days old.

My best friend loves her cat more than most people. And she rescued a dog from the shelter because he was going to be put down. She was so sad about this dog (whoe she didn't know) losing his life that she opened her already crowded home to him and spent her limited finances to buy him heartworm medication and get a trainer to help him with behavioural issues. And yet, when I remarked that pigs were cute, all she could say was that she liked to eat them.

I don't understand how people can live such contradictory lives. They are such hypocrites. As if that weren't bad enough, they all attack me for being, "too extreme." They try to make me feel guilty because I don't want to buy animal products for my neighbour or cook animal products for my grandparents. They think it's strange that I'm not a "dog person," (I think dogs are great, for the record, and I also think cows are) and yet choose to be vegan. They hate that I don't condone their lifestyle, even if the only evidence is from my actions (and granted, tears often, if they're cooking animals while I'm there). I'm sure they wouldn't dare cook a dog or buy a dead cat, even if it was sor someone else's dinner. But then they say things like, "I love animals." Not specific animals or species, just animals in general.

I choose not to lecture or bring up veganism verbally, because I know others will just become defensive. I figure, when they're ready to consider a change, they'll bring it up to me. The most I'll ever do is recommend a book or documentary, and it's very rare that I'll do even that.

I feel so alone though. It's especially hard because I have a few plant-based family members who call themselves vegan (vegans who buy cow skin and flesh?) and as a result I just come across to the rest of the family as an extremest. There's no one in my life whom I can talk to about all of this hypocrisy. It makes me so sad to witness the minute by minute cruelty to animals and I can't even share that I'm upset by it because literally everyone I know supports it and doesn't even think it's wrong. It makes me angry that this injustice is happening without even acknowledgent that it's wrong. I had a nightmare that someone fried a chicken (at a restaurant) and gave it to me, laughing. In my dream, I was sobbing and digging a grave for the chicken, and I woke up crying - the tears had been real. I told my brother and he just thought it was funny.

Do you ever feel alone as a vegan? How do you handle being the only vegan you know? What do you do when people whom you love belittle you for being ethical?
Yes, I feel quite isolated, but I'd rather feel like an alien on my own planet than live like a Nazi amongst the masses. The answer to your question, by the way, is empathy. Most people only have enough for family, friends and pets. They don't have enough to include that which is outside their circle, like vegans do. Therefore, vegans are different, psychologically and physiologically, as the empathic circuitry of the brain is both physical and clinically observable.
 
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I am with you. I completely relate to what you have said. I feel completely isolated and alone much of the time. Seeing the truth, being emotionally affected, being angry, needing support and conection, but being met with a general lack of respect and empathy.
Where are the people who actually understand and share the same outrage?
Thank you for posting.
I appreciate your empathy! It’s so nice to connect with someone who understands how this feels. It can be heartbreaking and often confusing. How can I love and respect someone who’s indifferent to the suffering he supports? We don’t expect others to tolerate blatant racism or child abuse...yet we are forced to tolerate or ignore the abuse our friends and family and colleagues and acquaintances participate in. And when we have a hard time with that, we’re the ones portraying as being in the wrong. It is rough, but I remind myself that it’s nowhere near as terrible as the suffering of the victims, and that’s why we’re vegan, after all: to stand up for them because they cannot defend themselves and no one else will.
 
Yes, I feel quite isolated, but I'd rather feel like an alien on my own planet than live like a Nazi amongst the masses. The answer to your question, by the way, is empathy. Most people only have enough for family, friends and pets. They don't have enough to include that which is outside their circle, like vegans do. Therefore, vegans are different, psychologically and physiologically, as the empathic circuitry of the brain is both physical and clinically observable.
I totally agree: it is better to know and act outside the norm, than be on the wrong side of history. I only wish I’d woken up to reality sooner. I wish the truth had been told to me when I was little, and that I’d started asking questions earlier as an adult.
 
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