I am having a hard time, looking for support.

[wildr0se2]

I figured I'd just make a new post instead of adding too much on my old venting one.

After six months, I violated my plant-based diet. Not by accident, but intentionally, and I feel ashamed. I have been struggling to not put so much pressure on myself to be a perfect vegan...that I did the exact opposite and went back to eating animal products. I had a psych ward stay too recently, and when I was upset, a staff member offered me a cupcake and I just ate it. So because of my mental health issues, which are not a solid excuse I know...I went back to vegetarian. Except now I am starting to regret it, because I can tell the dairy in what I ate today are slightly upsetting my stomach, given how I went without eating most animal products for a period of time.

I was trying to see if there were any stories of ex-vegans becoming vegetarian and I can't find anything. And I also don't want to live my life knowing I disregarded the animals and I feel a level of wrongness from incorporating just dairy and eggs.

I'm looking for any tips about what direction to go in. I know part of my spiraling was because I made my plant-based eating too restrictive, so maybe I can brainstorm what else I'd like to try and eat. I know in the vegan communities, sometimes there's a lot of discourse about vegetarians and please know that is not my intention here. I feel at home on this forum, so I have a good level of trust in the users here.

I hope everyone is well.

 

[1956]

I figured I'd just make a new post instead of adding too much on my old venting one.

After six months, I violated my plant-based diet. Not by accident, but intentionally, and I feel ashamed. I have been struggling to not put so much pressure on myself to be a perfect vegan...that I did the exact opposite and went back to eating animal products. I had a psych ward stay too recently, and when I was upset, a staff member offered me a cupcake and I just ate it. So because of my mental health issues, which are not a solid excuse I know...I went back to vegetarian. Except now I am starting to regret it, because I can tell the dairy in what I ate today are slightly upsetting my stomach, given how I went without eating most animal products for a period of time.

I was trying to see if there were any stories of ex-vegans becoming vegetarian and I can't find anything. And I also don't want to live my life knowing I disregarded the animals and I feel a level of wrongness from incorporating just dairy and eggs.

I'm looking for any tips about what direction to go in. I know part of my spiraling was because I made my plant-based eating too restrictive, so maybe I can brainstorm what else I'd like to try and eat. I know in the vegan communities, sometimes there's a lot of discourse about vegetarians and please know that is not my intention here. I feel at home on this forum, so I have a good level of trust in the users here.

I hope everyone is well.

Hello @wildr0se2

My concern for you at the moment is getting your mental health balanced so that you don’t need to go back into the psych ward…
Are you getting the adequate care and support that you need?

In nature food is fuel - it is what we need to survive… However, in our modern society ( wealthier ones anyway ) food has become how we Reward ourselves… In my view this has created Enormous problems…Eating disorders have become prevalent…
Personally I find it quite easy to eat Vegan because I eat simply whole foods - grains, fruits and veggies… Yes, I might occasionally treat myself to a Vegan Magnum bar or some Vegan chocolate, but I don’t feel like I am Missing out if something like that is not available… That is My mindset…
Dealing with mental health issues as you are, you might need some extra support…
It’s good that you have reached out for support here and I hope that you that you are also able to get some In person support…
All the best to you…

Edited to add that I too have mental health issues…
Most of my life I’ve lived with depression and anxiety which is not uncommon for someone who is Neurodivergent…
However since the death of my husband 12 years ago it’s become much worse…
Just would like you to know that although our circumstances may differ I do understand…

 

[shyvas]

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[Jenny3315]

What stands out to me is when you say you know mental health is not an excuse. You're right but it is a contributing factor, a reason. Things are not black and white and mental health can absolutely be a legitimate contributing factor to becoming/remaining vegetarian and/or vegan. I'm a new vegan and hesitated to make the switch from vegetarianism for a long time due to a massive history of eating disorders. So far I'm okay, but I could easily see myself in your position in the future. I would probably beat myself up like you are, but as somebody on the outside I can see that there is absolutely no need to beat yourself up. Your health (and I'm not going to single out mental here because it doesn't matter, both are equally as valid) needs to come first. Without it you are no good to anybody, including animals. If you do vegetarian for a bit but step back from vegan that doesn't mean it's forever and that you will have to live your life knowing how you are harming animals with your choice to eat dairy/eggs. It just means that right now, at this moment it is what you need to do. There is a high likelihood that when you are. more stable you will decide to go back to being vegan. And after that you may need to become vegetarian again - we can't predict the future, we can simply do the best we can in the current moment. You are clearly somebody who cares deeply about animals so hopefully you can trust that you will make the best decision at any given moment and forgive yourself for being human and sometimes needing to step back.

And I'm sure plenty of people have gone from vegan to vegetarian, they may just not share it - we do tend to like to present the most ideal version of ourself online.

Hope this helps, at least a litte bit.

 

[Jenny3315]

Oh and on a practical note as to concrete advice on to how to actually eat you could maybe focus on cutting out one thing at a time, with baked in dairy and eggs being last as they by far require the most restriction for the least reward. I think that is what I would do.

 

[LoreD]

My advice is; don't be so hard on yourself. The best way is slowly. For you I would recommend the Reductionist method. Plan one plant based day per week. Enjoy it. The next month plan 2 plant based days per week. Make it an enjoyable experience.

The quickest way to failure is making food a restriction/punishment/guilt experience. It should be an enjoyable experience.

I've been doing this for 40+ years. If I am at a birthday party, and am offered cake; I eat it. I found out that the Culver's veggie burger (which I loved) had cheese in it. I wasn't filled with guilt. I just shrugged and moved on.

Lighten up a little. If you reduced your consumption of an animal products by 25%, then I would give you a big high five. Sometimes it can be just looking in your fridge and switching butter for a plant based spread, and next month switching cow milk for soy milk.

Go slowly. And don't sweat the small things.