Spoof anti-vegan arguments

[spencer]

If everyone were vegan, what would we do with all the cows and bulls? Would we just release them into the wild?

(A veg world is not likely anytime soon and if it does happen, it would certainly be gradual so breeding of cattle would gradually decrease.)

 

[MichaelHauer]

We were born to rip the flesh off the bones of mammoths with our teeth in the great circle of life. We have now replaced mammoths with super-sized chickens & 140,000 are slaughtered every minute globally. The circle of life continues.

Have you ever seen how tofu is made? A disgusting process.

 

[MichaelHauer]

Veganism is against the poor. The poor only have access to meat & can only afford meat. Vegans want the poor to starve & demand they eat only chia and wheatgrass, which are foods you can only buy online from Instagram influencers.

Only wealthy yacht-owners can afford to be vegan.

 

[MichaelHauer]

Evolutionary biology tells us that we are meant to eat anything we can catch (apart from buses or trains, ofc).

Veganism is the privilege of wealthy westerners.

200 years ago there were no vegetables, humans would've starved if they became
vegan.

Vegetables were created in a secret lab in 1927.

 

[MichaelHauer]

I am not vegan myself but have many vegan friends who appreciate my aim to reduce animal products consumption, rather than just completely cut it out.

They understand that changing my diet would be very hard for me, and they appreciate me thinking of the animals too.

#harmperpetuation

 

[MichaelHauer]

I often find vegans online & tell them l'd like to go vegan lol but it's inaccessible for me due to multiple issues & not being able to eat anything not from an animal. When they ask questions I tell them they are ableist and they should leave me alone.

My doctor is an actual lion from Africa.

 

[MichaelHauer]

Let's apply some logic here. Cows were vegan thousands of years before the word 'vegan' was invented, so when human vegans say humans should stop farming cows they are sentencing millions of vegans to death by not being born. So, apart from having no common sense, vegans also have the blood of the unborn on their hands.

 

[MichaelHauer]

I have found that one should never trust someone who isn't kind to animals. But this doesn't include animals that are raised to be exploited, tortured, and slaughtered. These are just farm animals and they are meant to suffer horrible and short lives so we can eat them. They are designed for that.

 

[MichaelHauer]

I could never give up cheese, veal, or caviar harvested repeatedly from live sturgeon, or foie gras, but I also have my vegan days!

But l'm not a fake food person. If you're not eating animals that's totally valid, but you shouldn't eat anything 'fun' like eggless cake. No need for that nonsense.

 

[MichaelHauer]

I can't get why vegans don't understand that most humans are in survival mode because of abject poverty.

Poor people don't have ethics or morality because they're too poor to enjoy such luxuries.

I have seen poor people in the city & in Africa (on tv) & they're like wild dogs fighting over scraps.

 

[MichaelHauer]

I asked you politely to provide scholarly papers to prove your case & you just sent me a bunch of links.

Then when I pointed out that all these papers are forgeries you decided to insult me by saying I was a troll!

The real science is very clear: the majority of ruminants do NOT belch methane.

 

[MichaelHauer]

Veganism is not for me, just look at RFK Jr!

He’s in charge of Health & Human Services and despite having been clinically pronounced dead several years ago HE IS RIPPED!

 

[spencer]

So you're a vegetarian? I am too (he says while chewing on a chicken leg). I mainly eat spaghetti and meat balls, chicken, fish, sushi, you know, vegan stuff.