Sperm bank

[SuicideBlonde]

I started this question in the chat thread but I am asking it here. If your partner told you that he was looking into donating sperm, for a little more money, would you be upset?

My partner just said he was trying to do so. I do understand it is his sperm and he can do what he pleases with it and it helps other couples who are trying for kids, but something upset me. I can not quite pinpoint what is is though. I basically flipped out and said well I will strip then. I made no sense. We tried to have a conversation after that, but I was not talking. It might have to do with the fact I am adopted and felt outcast around everyone all my life or other personal reasons, yet irrational in the circumstance.

I heard of children of donors finding the father and I have heard of mothers trying to sue for child support. It is his choice if he wants to know he might have someone with his DNA that he does not know about.


(Sorry if I am no making much sense, my brain is bouncing right now.)

 

[nog]

I would not be upset. His body, his sperm, his choice.

 

[Lord Snot]

Aww, I'm sorry you're going through that

I think I would feel the same as you. I wouldn't like the idea of my husband having children with (by?) random women whilst we were in a relationship, but ultimately it would be his choice and I would try and be supportive if it's something he really wanted to do for ethical reasons. But if it was just for extra money I would try and discourage him and find other ways he could make a bit extra.

I also think you did make sense. Consciously or unconsciously you likened it to stripping, which presumably he wouldn't be happy with you doing? Both are kind of like being unfaithful to some couples; donating sperm because it has connotations of sleeping with other women, and stripping because it has connotations of sleeping with other men. I would definitely explain more why the idea makes you uncomfortable and hopefully he will decide against it to spare your feelings.

 

[Rosie1]

I don't think I'd be upset because it makes me think of how people donate blood, plasma, women donating eggs - it all goes to help someone else.

 

[Lord Snot]

I don't think I'd be upset because it makes me think of how people donate blood, plasma, women donating eggs - it all goes to help someone else.

Wouldn't it bother you that in 18 years a bunch of kids could come knocking on the door wanting to know their father? I think that is what would worry me most, especially since I believe the rules changed recently and sperm donors don't have anonymity any more.

 

[Pickle Juice]

No, it wouldn't upset me. It's just sperm, and it's his business.

I can not quite pinpoint what is is though.

Maybe you could just say this to him, and you and he could have a conversation that might help you to determine exactly what it is that bothers you? While I think it is entirely his choice, you still deserve to have your views understood.

Wouldn't it bother you that in 18 years a bunch of kids could come knocking on the door wanting to know their father? I think that is what would worry me most, especially since I believe the rules changed recently and sperm donors don't have anonymity any more.

No, this would not bother me if I were the sperm donor, and it would not bother me if it happened to my partner. Anyone donating sperm is surely told of all the possible ramifications, so if he was willing to donate or even sell his sperm, knowing there is this possibility, and he is comfortable with it, I can't foresee a problem.

 

[Rosie1]

Ooooooh, no anonymity? That might change things a bit, yeah. But if they knew all of that ahead of time, i don't know.
I've never looked into the whole thing so I don't know the details/rules about it all.

 

[Lord Snot]

No, this would not bother me if I were the sperm donor, and it would not bother me if it happened to my partner. Anyone donating sperm is surely told of all the possible ramifications, so if he was willing to donate or even sell his sperm, knowing there is this possibility, and he is comfortable with it, I can't foresee a problem.

I was thinking more of the children than the effect on me and him. Imagine wondering all your life who your father was and then finally finding him and realising he only helped create you for a bit of extra cash

 

[Envy]

I was thinking more of the children than the effect on me and him. Imagine wondering all your life who your father was and then finally finding him and realising he only helped create you for a bit of extra cash

Wouldn't they already have grown up with another "father" then, usually?

 

[Pickle Juice]

Well hopefully the idea that my mom wanted me enough to try a sperm bank because she had no other option and wanted a baby that much would balance that out. I spent my life with a mom who wished she had never had me, so I guess not having a parent who brought you into the world because they wanted you isn't necessarily the worst thing in the world to cope with.

 

[Lord Snot]

Well hopefully the idea that my mom wanted me enough to try a sperm bank because she had no other option and wanted a baby that much would balance that out. I spent my life with a mom who wished she had never had me, so I guess not having a parent who brought you into the world because they wanted you isn't necessarily the worst thing in the world to cope with.

I can relate to that, I was an unwanted baby as well - but my mum tried her best.

I know my husband would never want to do this and even if he did, he wouldn't do it without my complete support but it's interesting to think about, and to try and work out if my initial reaction is justified or not.

 

[Pickle Juice]

I can relate to that, I was an unwanted baby as well - but my mum tried her best.

I know my husband would never want to do this and even if he did, he wouldn't do it without my complete support but it's interesting to think about, and to try and work out if my initial reaction is justified or not.

I'm pretty neutral on it, but I have friends who have done it, and friends who are aghast at those friends who have done it, and their conversations on it are interesting, to say the least.

 

[Mel]

I wouldn't like it one bit. Maybe I could be convinced to "allow" (for lack of a better word, since we basically always talk things through with the other before making big decisions) him. Maybe if I knew that it would be totally anonymous.

 

[Veggiemama]

It wouldn't bother me at all. I would actually LOVE to donate my eggs but my hubby doesn't like the idea at all. He feels the same way you do about it. I think it's a beautiful thing. To be able to give someone a child is wonderful. I wish I could make that dream come true for someone.

 

[Limes]

I wouldn't really be comfortable with it...thinking about my husband having biological children that weren't created by us together.

Does your boyfriend know whether he qualifies to donate or not? They have very strict rules about physical fitness, education level, family history....if I remember right.

 

[SuicideBlonde]

Does your boyfriend know whether he qualifies to donate or not? They have very strict rules about physical fitness, education level, family history....if I remember right.

I am not quite sure. He is super tall, very good looking and intelligent. I have my doubts because he smokes cigarets and mj sometimes. I am thinking it depends on the company.

 

[KLS52]

For me, personaly, I don't think I like the idea.

 

[Renee1]

I would not be upset. It's none of my damn business.

 

[RascalsMom]

I would be put off by the idea, but at the end of the day it's his body, his sperm, and really isn't my decision at all.

 

[thefadedone]

For me, personaly, I don't think I like the idea.

I feel the same way. I'd like to be open minded about it, but honestly I think I would have some issues with it.

I do know that like Limes mentioned a lot of places are super strict regarding the qualifications. I believe a couple of the general eligible requirements are that you are in good health and have a clean family history (no cancers, heart diseases, etc).