Need to vent...

[wildr0se2]

I'm really tired. I keep trying to commit to being vegan, and I'm crumbling from the Reddit community's posts and the jokes the people have made toward me. I'm tired of going into my favorite cafe and having them consider honey vegan and justifying it with "you gotta do what makes you happy". I'm tired of worrying I'm a bad person because I keep planning on taking my cat to the vet and haven't been able to because of financial struggles. I haven't been working enough hours with my work-study in college to save up, my mom and I agreed to go halves but it hasn't materialized. I did tell my mom that we should aim for the first week of March to bring him to a clinic because we are worried about him getting cold. I just feel like a terrible person.

Now tonight, my brother who is a carnist kept making jokes again and I said "you don't like when I make fun of your tics" because he has medical conditions and he got upset because he felt I was comparing his tics to veganism (which was not my intention, and me making fun was not meant to be malicious, it was me being stupid so I am working on being more mindful).

I did apologize, I did keep asking if he was upset and he was. I just feel like a failure. I still consume artificial dyes, monoglycerides sometimes, natural flavors. When I was inpatient, I had a chicken pot pie because I was worried about stressing out about my veganism and I had a nightmare about animal suffering so I went back to transitioning to vegan.

My journey has been all over the place, it's discouraging hearing Reddit users say you are plant-based and not vegan because anyone who has gone on and off a plant-based diet isn't vegan. Like I'm so frustrated. My heart is in the right place and I keep making poor choices. I just want to be okay, I want to be happy with my choices, I want a better life for animals. Why is it so hard? "Eating is just eating" no it isn't!!! The amount of people who don't care about animals is taking a toll on me and I don't know what to do anymore. I miss my old foods too I used to eat, and I hope in time, I'll stop craving them. My mom wants to go to the aquarium and I lied saying we should go because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. My brother also felt I should just go anyway because my mom was happy at the idea. I just feel so alone and frustrated and I want to cry and I'm sorry I failed.

 

[KLS52]

Gosh, I don't even know what to say. I feel so sad for you, reading this. I don't know if I'm the right person to be giving you advice as I was vegan for 15 years before sliding by sliding backwards a bit to consuming minimal dairy. It started with Covid when it became difficult to get some of the items that I, personally, needed. It took a few years but I'm comfortable with where I am at now. I haven't given up… I still celebrate even the smallest of winds when I have days or weeks in a row staying vegan. But I don't need to call myself vegan anymore ...I don't need a label. I'm doing the best I can considering my physical and mental limitations.

You will always run into people who find veganism to be extremely easy. I'm not one of those people. I've always struggled. I feel lucky that I lasted for 15 years. I would tell you to just keep trying. It does not have to be all or nothing. Any reduction in consuming/using animal products, in my opinion, is a good thing. It's a journey for some people and it's OK if you fail along the way as long as you don't give up.

It hurts my heart that you are so sad. Try not to look at it as a complete failure. If being vegan is something you really want to do I believe you will get there but you need to be a little easier on yourself. Guilt is rarely beneficial. Maybe go back to the beginning and make a fresh start… We probably have a lot of information in the files to help people transition to vegan. Hopefully someone else will chime in with some specifics. I'm not very good at doing searches myself but I will give it a try and maybe post a few links. Hugs to you.

 

[wildr0se2]

Gosh, I don't even know what to say. I feel so sad for you, reading this. I don't know if I'm the right person to be giving you advice as I was vegan for 15 years before sliding by sliding backwards a bit to consuming minimal dairy. It started with Covid when it became difficult to get some of the items that I, personally, needed. It took a few years but I'm comfortable with where I am at now. I haven't given up… I still celebrate even the smallest of winds when I have days or weeks in a row staying vegan. But I don't need to call myself vegan anymore ...I don't need a label. I'm doing the best I can considering my physical and mental limitations.

You will always run into people who find veganism to be extremely easy. I'm not one of those people. I've always struggled. I feel lucky that I lasted for 15 years. I would tell you to just keep trying. It does not have to be all or nothing. Any reduction in consuming/using animal products, in my opinion, is a good thing. It's a journey for some people and it's OK if you fail along the way as long as you don't give up.

It hurts my heart that you are so sad. Try not to look at it as a complete failure. If being vegan is something you really want to do I believe you will get there but you need to be a little easier on yourself. Guilt is rarely beneficial. Maybe go back to the beginning and make a fresh start… We probably have a lot of information in the files to help people transition to vegan. Hopefully someone else will chime in with some specifics. I'm not very good at doing searches myself but I will give it a try and maybe post a few links. Hugs to you.

Thank you so much. I do try to keep a growth mindset when it comes to plant-based dieting and veganism. I am sorry you had to go back to consuming dairy, but I am proud of you for being plant-based and vegan to the best of your ability. I think I'm just so worried about being a bad person for not being 100% vegan sometimes. I have carried the mantra of "perfection is the enemy of good" with me throughout these last few months (I think it was Lou who taught me that? If so, thank you Lou )

I try to use my Bluesky account to discuss veganism as well. Though sometimes I am very aggressive in my opinions on it, I enjoy having a platform where I can speak my mind relating to animal rights issues.

Hugs to you as well!

 

[Emma JC]

all of life is a journey and veganism is no exception - that journey is not the same for any of us - being self aware is probably the most important part of the vegan or plant-based journey and you already have that accomplished so kudos to you for that!! I became aware of veganism years before I fully committed and I was not as young as you are, so you are so much further ahead than many of us here... I think you should limit your Reddit exposure and go easier on yourself and do the best you can in both you personal life and in veganism - it is not a contest, there are no prizes for perfection - every little bit you do to reduce animal suffering will feel awesome and the animals, the environment and your health will thank you

you always have support here

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[Lou]

Yes turn off Reddit and Facebook.
The Vegan Forum has the most compassionate, educated, kind, reasonable vegans on the planet.
Don't be so hard on yourself
Perfection is not the goal. Compasion is the goal. Veganism is just the path.
Don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[PTree15]

I third staying as far away from FB and reddit as possible. It's full of trolls/mean-spirited people, AI garbage and just overall doom. I feel for the younger generations who are saddled with the mess that is social media these days. It's relentless.

I''m sorry you are struggling so much, and I really hope you take to heart what everybody here has suggested. As someone on another veggie board said years ago, "Veganism is a journey, not a destination." And as Emma said, the fact that you are self-aware is huge! There are so many who aren't. You're doing the best you can at this time. Focus on what you can do today, not yesterday or tomorrow.

 

[ewomack]

Hello, @wildr0se2! I'm also sorry to hear about your struggles and frustrations. Reducing meat intake is not an easy road to travel. You will find both compassionate and uncompassionate people as you mosey along. Sadly, the world seems to have an increasing amount of uncompassionate people these days. I hope it's a passing spell, but we'll see.

On Reddit: I have known others who tried that path and came out shell-shocked at the mean-spirited, dogmatic vibes there. Though I can't speak for the experience myself, I've heard enough from people I know well enough to encourage keeping away. I've never checked it out, but, having had some personal encounters of my own, I can only imagine. Dogmatism tends to only feed into more dogmatism.

Don't worry too much about being "a vegan." The word has become a little smooshy and nebulous as various groups have staked a claim to it and declared "vegan wars" against "heretics" to their particular interpretations. If the world would just come together and commit to using and eating fewer animal products and finding useful, tasty, and amenable alternatives, we could help alleviate the problem. You are on that path and that is something to feel very good about. Try to accept when you can't measure up to your standards because situations present practical or social barriers. That's okay. You're still doing the right thing. You need to do what you need to do to both fulfill your standards and live life the way it gets thrown at you. It will likely never be perfect, but you can aim for 70% - 80% and feel good about it. You don't have to be "100% vegan" (whatever that means this week) to make a difference. You're already making a difference.

Good luck!

 

[secondmayfly]

I'm really tired. I keep trying to commit to being vegan, and I'm crumbling from the Reddit community's posts and the jokes the people have made toward me. I'm tired of going into my favorite cafe and having them consider honey vegan and justifying it with "you gotta do what makes you happy". I'm tired of worrying I'm a bad person because I keep planning on taking my cat to the vet and haven't been able to because of financial struggles. I haven't been working enough hours with my work-study in college to save up, my mom and I agreed to go halves but it hasn't materialized. I did tell my mom that we should aim for the first week of March to bring him to a clinic because we are worried about him getting cold. I just feel like a terrible person.

Now tonight, my brother who is a carnist kept making jokes again and I said "you don't like when I make fun of your tics" because he has medical conditions and he got upset because he felt I was comparing his tics to veganism (which was not my intention, and me making fun was not meant to be malicious, it was me being stupid so I am working on being more mindful).

I did apologize, I did keep asking if he was upset and he was. I just feel like a failure. I still consume artificial dyes, monoglycerides sometimes, natural flavors. When I was inpatient, I had a chicken pot pie because I was worried about stressing out about my veganism and I had a nightmare about animal suffering so I went back to transitioning to vegan.

My journey has been all over the place, it's discouraging hearing Reddit users say you are plant-based and not vegan because anyone who has gone on and off a plant-based diet isn't vegan. Like I'm so frustrated. My heart is in the right place and I keep making poor choices. I just want to be okay, I want to be happy with my choices, I want a better life for animals. Why is it so hard? "Eating is just eating" no it isn't!!! The amount of people who don't care about animals is taking a toll on me and I don't know what to do anymore. I miss my old foods too I used to eat, and I hope in time, I'll stop craving them. My mom wants to go to the aquarium and I lied saying we should go because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. My brother also felt I should just go anyway because my mom was happy at the idea. I just feel so alone and frustrated and I want to cry and I'm sorry I failed.

I'm so sorry to hear about you going through all that. Two things:

1) In my experience, the Reddit vegan forums are very hardline, dogmatic, and generally hateful. I would avoid those communities so they don't negatively influence you.

2) Try to go easier on yourself. Lifestyle changes are difficult and nobody is perfect. Remember that making moral choices choices in your life isn't a binary thing. While going 100% vegan might be your ultimate goal, making an effort to eat/use less animal products than the average person still makes a difference.

 

[g0rph]

I'm really tired. I keep trying to commit to being vegan, and I'm crumbling from the Reddit community's posts and the jokes the people have made toward me.

I sometimes use reddit, especially AskVegans, DebateAVegan and Vegan... The last is a cesspit... "Kept your old leather shoes...not vegan" etc.
There is far too much black and white thinking.

I'm tired of going into my favorite cafe and having them consider honey vegan and justifying it with "you gotta do what makes you happy".

If honey is something that makes you happy for now...Eat it. It's at the very bottom of issues.

Now tonight, my brother who is a carnist kept making jokes again and I said "you don't like when I make fun of your tics" because he has medical conditions and he got upset because he felt I was comparing his tics to veganism (which was not my intention, and me making fun was not meant to be malicious, it was me being stupid so I am working on being more mindful).

It's pretty common for people with issues of their own to lash out at others. People who are bullied, often bully even weaker people.
Try your best to be the better person. Realise that your brother probably feels anxious and embarrassed about the tics. Next time he winds you up, give him a hug.

I did apologize, I did keep asking if he was upset and he was. I just feel like a failure. I still consume artificial dyes, monoglycerides sometimes, natural flavors. When I was inpatient, I had a chicken pot pie because I was worried about stressing out about my veganism and I had a nightmare about animal suffering so I went back to transitioning to vegan.

It's different for different people. It took me about 3 weeks. I'd cut out dairy, eggs and most meat, but ate prawns. Then stopped even that.
But I don't consider myself vegan. I don't tend to worry about if a beer or wine is vegan. I really don't have an issue with rescue eggs, honey, bivalves etc and I still wear old clothes that have leather or wool.

My journey has been all over the place, it's discouraging hearing Reddit users say you are plant-based and not vegan because anyone who has gone on and off a plant-based diet isn't vegan.

Yeah that's just complete nonsense. The human brain still isn't understood properly. I've been virtually vegan for 4 years, but I know full well, that if I don't work on it, I could end up back on the meat train..especially as I am the only one I know...
I was vegetarian for 12 years then all of a sudden was scoffing sausages, bacon, steak again. Self-justification, denial and cognitive dissonance are real and powerful...even for those who understand.

Like I'm so frustrated. My heart is in the right place and I keep making poor choices. I just want to be okay, I want to be happy with my choices, I want a better life for animals. Why is it so hard? "Eating is just eating" no it isn't!!! The amount of people who don't care about animals is taking a toll on me and I don't know what to do anymore. I miss my old foods too I used to eat, and I hope in time, I'll stop craving them. My mom wants to go to the aquarium and I lied saying we should go because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. My brother also felt I should just go anyway because my mom was happy at the idea. I just feel so alone and frustrated and I want to cry and I'm sorry I failed.

Go to the aquarium. It's no biggee.
I try to avoid zoos and aquariums, but if my kids or my mother wanted to go, I would. In the scheme of things it's pretty irrelevant.
It's also one of those black and white rules that many vegans try to enforce, when in reality there are good places and bad places.

Finally, veganism should never turn into a purity test. Perhaps make a tally of how many animals you might have saved, instead of a tally of when you slip up?

 

[wildr0se2]

I was talking to my friend the other day and he talked about how he had his "animal rights" activist phase and a while back, he stopped being vegan due to cost related reasons. It honestly hurt hearing him say that, chalking his veganism off to a "phase". Sadly I've heard this explanation used before when people quit veganism or simply don't understand it. I'm afraid that'll be me one day, and I don't want it to be. I saw another thread about ex-vegans on here and how some feel one was never vegan if you quit (I think that's what it was getting at, anyway). And I feel guilty since I have slipped up multiple times, and then accidentally had carmine the other day when I had a fruit cup with cherries. (I had assumed they were the Dole brand and forgot the cherries had carmine, so my mom and I assumed it was vegan. I felt really bad once I checked the ingredients again!)

More venting lol

 

[wildr0se2]

Finally, veganism should never turn into a purity test. Perhaps make a tally of how many animals you might have saved, instead of a tally of when you slip up?

You're right. I started using an app to track how long I've been vegan and what animals/resources I've saved. I checked off all the main boxes: no fish, no meat, no dairy, no eggs. So I've done 90 percent of the work at least!