Feeling out of place at work

[QuietTurtle]

I'm a pretty quiet, nonconfrontional person. So at work, I have sat back without participating as teammates discuss what kind of meat they like on National Taco Day or see a picture of a meat sandwich as we have to go around and say what our favorite cold cut is (with the joking "threat" that if we don't have one, we'll be talked to after the meeting). Since we work remote and I'm socially anxious anyway, I disconnected from that latter meeting as it was not any pertinence to my job and I didn't really care to hear 50 or so people share this information.

There was one vegan who piped in during the taco discussion and said he of course has the imitation meats. Sometimes I wish I could say something that would get people thinking but at the same time, there's a time and place and the audience has to be receptive. But I fail even to state my own preference which at the least could give people reinforcement that another choice can be made.

I am leaving my job for other reasons and at least I won't have to see the background of a coworker's that was taken while they were out hunting.

 

[Kathy Lauren]

I am pretty nonconfrontational, too. But I refuse to act like I am ashamed of who I am. So if someone asks a question like that, I just tell them I am vegan. I say it like I am daring them to make something of it, except politely, so they will look bad if they do. I yam what I yam, and they'll just have to deal with it.

I have had some interesting discussions that way. And it has ended some discussions. But I have had no grief from it.

It is not the only facet of my life that is unconventional, and the same approach applies to all aspects of who I am. No apologies. This is who I am. Deal with it. That tends to de-fuse any confrontation before it begins.

It is when you act embarrassed or cagey about your choices that confrontations happen. Predators see you as prey and start stalking you. Keep your head up, be who you are, own it, and take no prisoners, and they leave you alone.

 

[silva]

I love to talk about food and at some point found I could disconnect from having feeling about what was being talked about, and just join in with all the things I like. People for the most part aren't wired to think about using plant foods in ways they use meat. I don't need to say I'm vegan, just talk about how I like food. Vegan will come up if I'm asked and by that time it's clear I like to eat

 

[Second Summer]

I agree with Kathy - no apologies for who I am. I'm a balding, middle-aged, beard-and-pony-tail, long-term vegan dude with a foreign accent. Deal with it! I also have rare, but crucial technical skills, so the company would struggle without me. And my colleagues know it.

My wife and daughter are also vegans. Even our dog eats mostly vegan. We drive an electric car. Of course we do. The world is burning and cruelty is being committed on an unfathomable scale thanks to incredible technological advances unfortunately without corresponding, necessary advances in ethics, society and culture.

In short, I have good reasons for being who I am, and I'm proud of the choices and achievements I've made, because of course it's never easy to go against social conventions and take the less travelled path.

 

[Emma JC]

I agree with @silva in that I would just say what my favourite is and not make a big deal out of that fact that my choice is vegan. Taco Tuesday being a prime example, I would say "I use Gardein ground plus black beans and lots of spices added, as a base, and then add all the other great toppings". If they wish to know what Gardein ground is, then I would tell them if not, no harm done and I have participated.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[majorbloodnok]

I agree with @silva in that I would just say what my favourite is and not make a big deal out of that fact that my choice is vegan. Taco Tuesday being a prime example, I would say "I use Gardein ground plus black beans and lots of spices added, as a base, and then add all the other great toppings". If they wish to know what Gardein ground is, then I would tell them if not, no harm done and I have participated.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

I would perhaps go even further and simply focus on the key ingredients that make your favourite fillings.

“I‘ve experimented quite a bit and like mixing things up a bit; the only things I can’t comfortably do without are the cumin and smoked paprika in with the beans, and the lime and garlic in the mayonnaise.”

You’ve contributed to the conversation and focused on common ground rather than avoided the areas of difficulty. To be frank, if you’re hinting at knowing what you’re doing with spices, you might find others admitting that as a bit of a weakness and wanting to learn - surprisingly few people actually do understand the basics of spices - at which point you’ve opened up the whole discussion wide.

 

[Veganite]

I have had my share of non-vegan scenarios where it feels awkward or even occasionally offensive. Usually my carnist family for me are my source of torment. I will not be celebrating Thanksgiving with them this weekend. I hate to say this, as I am invited, but I just can't stand the smell of turkey cooking. The second I open their front door, it will be wafting in my face. I refuse to go. They seem to understand, so no hard feelings.

I try to be passive in my approach to veganism with friends and family. Nonetheless, I think we're all going to run into situations we don't like, whether we like it or not. Outdoor events are easier, obviously, as I don't usually have to smell what they're cooking.

Personally, I'd rather not argue with people, especially such smart meat eating types *sarcasm intended*. They always have a good argument...and then brag about how good their bacon tastes. It's all so predictable. Let's not forget the protein thing.

I don't blame anyone for taking a passive approach. We're not all suitable to be outspoken activists. However, I support those that do, but don't preach veganism to anyone these days, myself. What I will do though is, if they ask questions, I always rave about how much I enjoy vegan cuisine and how good I feel eating vegan food. I truly find it exciting to share recipes and talk about vegan food. I love when people are interested enough to engage with me.

I have the opportunity these days to invite what non-vegan friends I have for drinks, appetizers and/or dinner, or backyard barbecues, occasionally. I love surprising people with something vegan, delicious, and even satiating. That surprises people, and I enjoy doing it. Vegan food is great!

*

 

[majorbloodnok]

...
I have the opportunity these days to invite what non-vegan friends I have for drinks, appetizers and/or dinner, or backyard barbecues, occasionally. I love surprising people with something vegan, delicious, and even satiating. That surprises people, and I enjoy doing it. Vegan food is great!

I can certainly attest that that approach will work for anyone who honestly lets the food speak for itself. Raving about something because it’s vegan will impress very few. Raving about something because it tastes good will impress loads of people.

Of course, it won’t do anything for someone who predicts what it will taste like based on whether or not it contains one ingredient or another; they are a lost cause. However, what you’re doing is offering to share food. Not vegan food, not plant-based food, simply food. It just so happens there’s nothing animal based in it, so it’s not pre-loaded with significance so meets your criteria whilst allowing your guests to judge the effect purely on its merits.

Being an omnivore and having attended so many disappointing barbecues, I’d be over the moon to be served something flavoursome and cooked well, no matter what it did or didn’t contain. Gimme a competently made lentil pattie over a charred mass-produced hamburger from a wannabe pitmaster any day.

 

[Veganite]

Being an omnivore and having attended so many disappointing barbecues, I’d be over the moon to be served something flavoursome and cooked well, no matter what it did or didn’t contain.

I worked as an executive chef for most of my life, mostly in high-end hotels and also a few restaurants. Going vegan I basically had to learn to cook all over again. Nonetheless, I have a passion for cooking and love it. People will drive far out of their way for something really yummy. I've always said that good food will sell itself. There's a lot of truth to that.

*

 

[QuietTurtle]

Maybe it would be better if I was actually a good cook and can talk about amazing recipes! LOL. I'm more of a simple rice and beans in skill, oatmeal is my mainstay for breakfast! I strive for the WFPB end but haven't eliminated my treats yet; however, I don't have oil in my house to cook with. Personally I would like to make good tasting refried beans as that is my favorite taco filling It was ironic to hear them talk about the meat fillings on National Taco Day while it was also supposedly some sort of Be Kind of Animal Day.

I suppose my frustration just comes from not having anyone friendly enough to talk to and vent or discuss with, and the slowness of change. I'm different in a lot of ways I suppose, not just in being vegan.

 

[silva]

Maybe it would be better if I was actually a good cook and can talk about amazing recipes! LOL. I'm more of a simple rice and beans in skill, oatmeal is my mainstay for breakfast! I strive for the WFPB end but haven't eliminated my treats yet; however, I don't have oil in my house to cook with. Personally I would like to make good tasting refried beans as that is my favorite taco filling It was ironic to hear them talk about the meat fillings on National Taco Day while it was also supposedly some sort of Be Kind of Animal Day.

I suppose my frustration just comes from not having anyone friendly enough to talk to and vent or discuss with, and the slowness of change. I'm different in a lot of ways I suppose, not just in being vegan.

Do you have an Instant Pot? My favorite appliance!
I love making 'refried' beans in the IP (or any electric pressure cooker). I soak pintos, then drain and just cover with water, add an onion cut in chunks, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, whatever spices you like, like cumin, oregano...Set for 20 mins and let it depressurize. I pour out the liquid and save it, use an immersion blender to blend, adding liquid as needed.
I often have tacos shells just filled with this an topped with salsa, lettuce, homemade ranch if I have it.


Many people here feel much the same, and why we talk so much beyond veganism

 

[Emma JC]

Maybe it would be better if I was actually a good cook and can talk about amazing recipes! LOL. I'm more of a simple rice and beans in skill, oatmeal is my mainstay for breakfast! I strive for the WFPB end but haven't eliminated my treats yet; however, I don't have oil in my house to cook with. Personally I would like to make good tasting refried beans as that is my favorite taco filling It was ironic to hear them talk about the meat fillings on National Taco Day while it was also supposedly some sort of Be Kind of Animal Day.

I suppose my frustration just comes from not having anyone friendly enough to talk to and vent or discuss with, and the slowness of change. I'm different in a lot of ways I suppose, not just in being vegan.

yup, that's what we're here for.... to talk all thing vegan and especially food!!

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[ewomack]

I usually gauge my audience before talking about "leaning the vegan way," no matter at work or out in the world. At work, if people don't seem tolerant or amenable, which has usually been the case in my experience, then I just avoid the subject. It's not a battle worth fighting in that situation. If I find myself trapped into a work lunch, which happens a lot less often in the Covid-world, then I quietly order a non-meat item. If anyone asks, I say "it looks good." If anyone goes further, depending on the group, I might say that I'm cutting down on meat for health reasons, which isn't a lie. Only once has someone asked me outright, in a work group setting, "are you a vegan?" In that case, I didn't answer. It's not their business, nor anyone else's. Thankfully, no one has ever challenged me to eat meat in a work setting. I don't see it happening, but in that case, I would refuse.

Typically, I am neither a quiet nor a non-confrontational person. I talk a lot. I ask a lot of questions. But I don't need to tell any of my co-workers anything about my personal life that I don't want to. If the "what are you eating for dinner?" question comes up, I say "good question, I don't know yet." I'm not at work to prove anything to my co-workers. I am different and I know it, but that doesn't mean I have to reveal anything about myself. I'll find friends, which often proves difficult enough, to discuss such things with, outside of the context of work.

At one job, pre-Covid, another vegetarian/vegan found me serendipitously and we started going to lunch together because we had the same problem. It was fantastic. We took each other to our favorite places and even tried some new places. That has happened only once to me.

I have also experienced many meat, cookout and hunting conversations at work. I have decided to not let them bother me, but I also don't engage in them, either. The vast majority of people grow up in carnivorous environments and it never even occurs to them to do something else. They eat meat not because they are bad or stupid people, they usually haven't even broached the thought of not eating meat in their minds. In my experience, bringing that topic up usually leads to awkward or regrettable conversations, so I find it best to avoid such discussions. So far, it's worked. Sure, I would rather not hear about co-workers' brat parties or bacon binges, but I also need to get along with them and show them the same tolerance that I would want them to show me. Once you gain trust and respect, then such topics as the why of veganism can arise in a much less confrontational manner. Then they may actually listen to you without judgement. You may not change their mind, but it may lead to more understanding. But if they think they're going to get a sermon, they will typically just write you off as a stereotype and walk away. Sadly, for a lot of people the words "I'm vegan" signals that a sermon is immanent, one that includes them getting shamed for their awful meat-eating behavior, and they don't want to deal with it. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want meat eaters to talk to me like that, either.

A little tolerance on all sides might help to increase mutual understanding and possibly help open some eyes and minds.

 

[VeganRachel]

I usually gauge my audience before talking about "leaning the vegan way," no matter at work or out in the world. At work, if people don't seem tolerant or amenable, which has usually been the case in my experience, then I just avoid the subject. It's not a battle worth fighting in that situation. If I find myself trapped into a work lunch, which happens a lot less often in the Covid-world, then I quietly order a non-meat item. If anyone asks, I say "it looks good." If anyone goes further, depending on the group, I might say that I'm cutting down on meat for health reasons, which isn't a lie. Only once has someone asked me outright, in a work group setting, "are you a vegan?" In that case, I didn't answer. It's not their business, nor anyone else's. Thankfully, no one has ever challenged me to eat meat in a work setting. I don't see it happening, but in that case, I would refuse.

Typically, I am neither a quiet nor a non-confrontational person. I talk a lot. I ask a lot of questions. But I don't need to tell any of my co-workers anything about my personal life that I don't want to. If the "what are you eating for dinner?" question comes up, I say "good question, I don't know yet." I'm not at work to prove anything to my co-workers. I am different and I know it, but that doesn't mean I have to reveal anything about myself. I'll find friends, which often proves difficult enough, to discuss such things with, outside of the context of work.

At one job, pre-Covid, another vegetarian/vegan found me serendipitously and we started going to lunch together because we had the same problem. It was fantastic. We took each other to our favorite places and even tried some new places. That has happened only once to me.

I have also experienced many meat, cookout and hunting conversations at work. I have decided to not let them bother me, but I also don't engage in them, either. The vast majority of people grow up in carnivorous environments and it never even occurs to them to do something else. They eat meat not because they are bad or stupid people, they usually haven't even broached the thought of not eating meat in their minds. In my experience, bringing that topic up usually leads to awkward or regrettable conversations, so I find it best to avoid such discussions. So far, it's worked. Sure, I would rather not hear about co-workers' brat parties or bacon binges, but I also need to get along with them and show them the same tolerance that I would want them to show me. Once you gain trust and respect, then such topics as the why of veganism can arise in a much less confrontational manner. Then they may actually listen to you without judgement. You may not change their mind, but it may lead to more understanding. But if they think they're going to get a sermon, they will typically just write you off as a stereotype and walk away. Sadly, for a lot of people the words "I'm vegan" signals that a sermon is immanent, one that includes them getting shamed for their awful meat-eating behavior, and they don't want to deal with it. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want meat eaters to talk to me like that, either.

A little tolerance on all sides might help to increase mutual understanding and possibly help open some eyes and minds.

Good points about normal natural necessary t the majority in carnivorous environments.
Most humans do not think about it as it is so habitual and automatic.
In an office situation I would relate my story of being raised in an omnivore home where we loved our doggies and thought
we cared about animals. Yet when I learned the truth about how animals were treated i knew they were as sentient as dogs.
Another focus is to talk about the health benefits of plants versus animal products. Males believe eating animals produces
virility and strength, yet vegan males have higher levels of testosterone, lower rates of heart disease, diabetes, and many forms
of cancer (as women do). vegan Plants foods do not create E.D., but saturated fats in animal products, can.
Women also have 5x less rates of having twins. (which is a risky pregnancy)

 

[TVS]

Has anybody quit because of your coworkers were too meat leaning? At my current job there is around 40-50 employees and I am still the only vegan, not even one other vegetarian.. Often I think I should change jobs because it is ridiculous to be in an environment like that, surely it says something about the company and its values if that is the case!

 

[Danielle]

I was hoping to avoid bringing it up too, but they cook for their employees and people notice if you don't eat anything...
My foreman's going to cook me mushrooms

 

[bEt]

I suppose my frustration just comes from not having anyone friendly enough to talk to and vent or discuss with, and the slowness of change. I'm different in a lot of ways I suppose, not just in being vegan.

Yes I can relate, and I'm sure a lot of others can too. I have often felt very lonely in work environments. You try to be friendly with your coworkers, but if there are deep rifts between your value system and theirs, it can still feel lonely.