Existence…

[1956]

The thread that was started by @polkkadot earlier has got me thinking…
How often do We keep our feelings to ourselves? Seeing the Lack of response to the thread it’s Obvious to me Why we don’t share more Honestly… It doesn’t seem like many people have a desire to interact with someone who has Difficult issues! I’ve been Vegan for over 30 years, I have a small group of acquaintances who are Vegan, but they are Not close friends with whom I would like to share my personal difficulties with.
As a result I keep my emotions bottled up - my life isn’t awful, however, it isn’t joyful either… But - who wants to hear about My problems?!?
I’m widowed -living without my husband is The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Had to Experience! But, I rarely talk about it because people Don’t want to hear about it…

I’m not trying to be judgmental about Why no one else responded earlier, however -I’m curious Why there weren’t any other comments?!?

 

[PTree15]

I guess I wasn't sure what to say to polkkadot when I first saw the post. I've responded to others who've posted their difficulties in either life or veganism, but I think when I saw it, it was late at night, and it would have required some thinking on my part, as it was a heavy post, and I when I respond to such posts, I want to make sure I don't say the wrong thing.

 

[silva]

Because we don't all share the same feelings .
I rarely feel a need to share my feelings about things, I'm honestly tired of this trend of people asking 'how are you?' and really wanting to know.
It irks me to have people question people about why they took a day off, or why are you limping, you look upset are you ok?
I find people talk about things on their own terms, as I do.
Honestly, I love online discussions.They're noncontrontational, uncommited, and you can just walk away when you want!

I just read the post you referred to, and sooooo much more information is needed to even begin to think of an appropriate response.
It sounds to me like animal activism served as a temporary deflection

 

[Second Summer]

I have responded to other mental health related threads in the past. It takes quite a bit of effort, and right now I just don't have the capacity.

 

[Emma JC]

I did read that post and was very concerned yet am not qualified to begin to respond.

I have shared lots here and received amazing kindness in return and yet I don't feel the need to share daily.

So so sorry that you lost your husband and are lonely and I hope that you are able to reach out to others who maybe do relate to your loss. I have been a listener for many people and yet now I am much more reluctant to get into the nitty gritty of someone else's issues because I am extremely empathetic and so their issues can spill over into my life. I am very happy with life as it is. My circle of daily contacts is very small now although I have a lot of friends with whom I have a deep soul connection that know I would be there for them in a heartbeat if they needed me and vice versa. I reach out to everyone at Christmas with a personalized email and that yearly connection, for most, sustains me all year. I also have a habit of naming off my family and any friends who may need healing, every night, and also name all the things that I am grateful for.

I wish the same sense of joy and connection for you.

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[KLS52]

I also feel that the post required more than I was able to give at the time.

I'm fortunate that I have three groups of friends that afford me the ability to have deep and meaningful conversations. I tend to to be too free with what I share so it takes a lot for me to try and hold back and not put everything out there. I love opening up and talking about feelings but I find that most people here are not necessarily the same. Yes, everyone is kind and offers hugs and well wishes but I don't think it's often that they offer much more than that. But then I can talk certain subjects to death and I can see how that could be off putting to some.

A personal example...I had breast cancer surgery last December and radiation therapy in February. I desperately wanted to post it here but something made me hold back. Now that I'm several months out I feel like it's ok to post this. I had some really hard emotional reactions...more towards the radiation than the cancer itself. I reached out privately to a few members and unloaded. I guess I didn't want to make anyone else here uncomfortable. I know it can be difficult sometimes to know what to say, especially nowadays when we are constantly being told what we should and shouldn't say when someone is going through a difficult time.

So back to your original question, I don't always find that people online are open to wanting to have difficult discussions.

I have my original 6-8 friends who are very supportive in general. I have my library Mindset group. It's turned into something like a support group where everyone shares their personal experiences. We all chime in with suggestions and support. It's very cathartic and I've bonded with five other women there. We now meet for breakfast 1-2 times a month. Then I have my anxiety friends. Three women I've become close too. We also get together 1-2 times a month and talk about everything and anything.

I'm going to go back and re-read the post by polkkadot because I kind of skimmed it.

 

[KLS52]

I've re-read the post. For me, personally , it made me uncomfortable (violence) and I iterate what I said prior, about not really knowing how to respond. I'm fortunate to have little to no personal experience on the subject.

 

[silva]

Wow, that's really awful, and I would think really hard to keep to yourself, but I could certainly understand why you would. I probably would too, it's awful to get responses that don't fit, and then need to still be polite, and it just sucks.
So glad you're okay!

 

[KLS52]

As a result I keep my emotions bottled up - my life isn’t awful, however, it isn’t joyful either… But - who wants to hear about My problems?!?
I’m widowed -living without my husband is The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Had to Experience! But, I rarely talk about it because people Don’t want to hear about it…

Sorry...I neglected to acknowledge how difficult it must be living without your husband. Have you considered a support/grief group? As I've mentioned, connecting with like minded people has really been a blessing for me since moving to another state in 2020. You don't have to worry that "no one wants to hear about your problems". It's what they're there for.

 

[Freesia]

I also feel that the post required more than I was able to give at the time.

I'm fortunate that I have three groups of friends that afford me the ability to have deep and meaningful conversations. I tend to to be too free with what I share so it takes a lot for me to try and hold back and not put everything out there. I love opening up and talking about feelings but I find that most people here are not necessarily the same. Yes, everyone is kind and offers hugs and well wishes but I don't think it's often that they offer much more than that. But then I can talk certain subjects to death and I can see how that could be off putting to some.

A personal example...I had breast cancer surgery last December and radiation therapy in February. I desperately wanted to post it here but something made me hold back. Now that I'm several months out I feel like it's ok to post this. I had some really hard emotional reactions...more towards the radiation than the cancer itself. I reached out privately to a few members and unloaded. I guess I didn't want to make anyone else here uncomfortable. I know it can be difficult sometimes to know what to say, especially nowadays when we are constantly being told what we should and shouldn't say when someone is going through a difficult time.

So back to your original question, I don't always find that people online are open to wanting to have difficult discussions.

I have my original 6-8 friends who are very supportive in general. I have my library Mindset group. It's turned into something like a support group where everyone shares their personal experiences. We all chime in with suggestions and support. It's very cathartic and I've bonded with five other women there. We now meet for breakfast 1-2 times a month. Then I have my anxiety friends. Three women I've become close too. We also get together 1-2 times a month and talk about everything and anything.

I'm going to go back and re-read the post by polkkadot because I kind of skimmed it.

((((((hugs))))))) It cant be easy to write about something like this. I am glad you are ok and glad you have some real life support, it is such a valuable thing

 

[1956]

Sorry...I neglected to acknowledge how difficult it must be living without your husband. Have you considered a support/grief group? As I've mentioned, connecting with like minded people has really been a blessing for me since moving to another state in 2020. You don't have to worry that "no one wants to hear about your problems". It's what they're there for.

Thank You @KLS52 - and I would like to acknowledge How difficult it must have been for You going through breast cancer surgery and radiation… I’m glad that you have had local support and some members here who you could privately message with…
Strangely enough I have a friend in France who I wasn’t That close to before my husband was diagnosed with cancer…She and her husband were Super supportive to us, we became close while he was ill… She had breast cancer way back in the 90’s which she beat, it has now returned 30 years later! She has had it removed once again - Hopefully for good! I hesitated to write that, but 30 years clear is Damn good! I only bring her up because She is probably the only person to say What I feel… During our last phone call she said to me that - I - meaning Me have been Cursed with Good Health! She is one of the Few people who seems to Understand that it is So Hard to go on without my Husband… However, this isn’t something that we have Ever spoken about before! Prior to her recurrence we Mostly complain about the Sorry state of the US! We have both been Expats for Over 30 years, but we Still care!
Apologies for my digressions, I’m glad that you have found a connection… I will admit that much of my problems come from only wanting one thing - my husband… There are a few people who I help in their gardens and that does bring me some pleasure - and then I come back to an Empty apartment… Which honestly is sometimes Worse than having done Nothing at all…
Animals and the Environment are the Only things that matter to me now and I haven’t found a way to Contribute as Much as I would like…For myself I guess that I find it difficult to accept that I’m 69 years old - when I Certainly don’t Feel it physically or emotionally! Well, sometimes I do feel it Physically!
Thanks for sharing what You have been through and for reaching out to me…
All the Best to You…