Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I'm looking for advice or just support from like-minded people for dealing with non-vegan family members. I'm 19, I've been vegan for almost three years and I live at home with my parents and younger brother. My mum does the majority of the cooking, although I cook my own meals too. I'm very lucky that she's happy to cook vegan food for me, and will eat it with me too because she enjoys it. She is not vegan though, she consumes dairy and some meat but a lot less than she used to. While I have told her about the awful things that happen to animals and explained my views, she still cooks meat for my dad and brother and will eat certain meals and products. I do feel some anger/disappointment towards her that she is aware of the issues but still chooses not to be vegan, but she is concerned about the environment in other areas and does a lot more than other people. My dad basically just enjoys meat and dairy and doesn't think it's necessary to go vegan, which also makes me angry/disappointed. My main issue is with my brother. He is 16 and as we are both young people growing up in this awful world I feel a responsibility to try and educate him because it's our job to try and stop climate change and all the other problems getting worse. He also just enjoys meat and dairy, but he takes it a step further than my dad and says things like "animals are there to be eaten", "they don't need space to roam because they'll be killed anyway" and makes fun of me when I have fake meat products and calls my vegan food "weird" or "disgusting" or acts as if it smells awful. Logically I know that he's just trying to provoke a reaction from me because that's just what siblings do, and I try very hard not to rise to it. But it's so depressing and makes me feel so hopeless. My boyfriend's family is fully vegan and I spend a lot of time with them, and being with people who all eat and think the same as me I forget that it's still not seen as normal. I haven't been close to my brother since we were both children and I don't really want to be so we basically just don't talk to each other. Still, when he says or does those things it really gets me down. I don't think it's worth arguing with him and presenting the facts because he'll just say "but meat tastes good" or something else, and I don't think I could manage to be logical anyway because I just get angry or upset. I'm sure lots of other people have situations like this, does anyone have any advice for not getting completely weighed down by it?
Dealing with non-vegan family members
- Thread starter yourlocalvegan
- Start date
This is just my two cents, but in my humble opinion, education is the key. It might be shocking for your little brother to see, but perhaps the reality of factory farming, as in seeing it close up, might be effective in convincing him of the horrors of the industry. I'm not sure what the age limit is on the documentary "Earthlings" but that is an eye opener documentary. There's several very graphic documentaries out there that would shock any non-vegan.
While this isn't a documentary, it is a heart warming story that could possibly touch his meat-eating little heart - watch the movie Okja with him. Also watch some educational vegan documentaries with him. Do everything you can to educate him why you are vegan. That is my best advice. Give him a reason not to laugh or make fun.
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While this isn't a documentary, it is a heart warming story that could possibly touch his meat-eating little heart - watch the movie Okja with him. Also watch some educational vegan documentaries with him. Do everything you can to educate him why you are vegan. That is my best advice. Give him a reason not to laugh or make fun.
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welcome to the forum and congrats on making this lifestyle decision at such a young age!
I would suggest trying not to react to your brother's taunts as that will just encourage him to continue. Show compassion to your family as you do to the animals and by being a great example you may influence them, maybe not immediately, but in the future.
So happy you have a safe family to spend time with and we are happy to have you join ours.
Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com
I would suggest trying not to react to your brother's taunts as that will just encourage him to continue. Show compassion to your family as you do to the animals and by being a great example you may influence them, maybe not immediately, but in the future.
So happy you have a safe family to spend time with and we are happy to have you join ours.
Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com
rogerjolly
Forum Legend
Hi, and a very warm welcome to the forum.
Oh, the tribulations of sibling rivalry! It can be particularly stressful when one sibling is on the verge of adulthood and the other is still in the throes of adolescence with all its associated traumas.
I would deal with your problem like this:
Don’t try too hard on the conversion trail with your brother, at least not yet. It is likely to just end up being counter-productive.
Attempt to find a quiet moment with him alone and ask if you can have a heart to heart. Say that veganism is very important to you. Even though he does not agree with it you would like him to respect your views and not to be taking the Micky.
His response will likely be, “Right. How about you respecting mine?”
You respond, “I won’t harass you but I cannot respect your views because mine are based on an ethical stance while yours are based on just what you want. It is the wanting of things for selfish reasons that people sometimes resort to theft or rape.”
Above all…. Keep your cool and even try to smile. Good luck.
You appear to be fortunate for two reasons. Your parents may not be actively supporting your veganism but at least they are not being obnoxious or arguing that you are risking your health or actively spiking your food.
And you appear to have understanding and support outside the family. Many young vegans, often much younger than you, have to battle through with their beliefs outside of these circumstances.
I don’t agree with you that it is an awful world. It is a wonderfully beautiful world and I am thoroughly enjoying my final couple of decades in it. It is true that people can do terrible things to each other and to the planet. All we can do is to try to change that even though we understand that progress is always painfully slow.
“Always look on the bright side of life.” Monty Python.
Roger.
Oh, the tribulations of sibling rivalry! It can be particularly stressful when one sibling is on the verge of adulthood and the other is still in the throes of adolescence with all its associated traumas.
I would deal with your problem like this:
Don’t try too hard on the conversion trail with your brother, at least not yet. It is likely to just end up being counter-productive.
Attempt to find a quiet moment with him alone and ask if you can have a heart to heart. Say that veganism is very important to you. Even though he does not agree with it you would like him to respect your views and not to be taking the Micky.
His response will likely be, “Right. How about you respecting mine?”
You respond, “I won’t harass you but I cannot respect your views because mine are based on an ethical stance while yours are based on just what you want. It is the wanting of things for selfish reasons that people sometimes resort to theft or rape.”
Above all…. Keep your cool and even try to smile. Good luck.
You appear to be fortunate for two reasons. Your parents may not be actively supporting your veganism but at least they are not being obnoxious or arguing that you are risking your health or actively spiking your food.
And you appear to have understanding and support outside the family. Many young vegans, often much younger than you, have to battle through with their beliefs outside of these circumstances.
I don’t agree with you that it is an awful world. It is a wonderfully beautiful world and I am thoroughly enjoying my final couple of decades in it. It is true that people can do terrible things to each other and to the planet. All we can do is to try to change that even though we understand that progress is always painfully slow.
“Always look on the bright side of life.” Monty Python.
Roger.
This is my opinion and it is only an opinion.
Your brother is not ready to learn about animal suffering. Focus your energy on people who are actively interested in going vegan.
I never would have gone vegan without PETA. They had the mentor and the information that I needed. I also needed ongoing online support from veganforums.org to help me remember that I am not Don Quixote fighting battles with windmills.
It takes a community to create a vegan. By actively participating in this forum, you will help build that community. I would also suggest that you continue to associate with other vegans in your daily life. It is healthy for both you and other vegans.
Veganism is also pragmatic even if a person has no interest in animal suffering and the environment. It promotes good health. It saves money. And it reduces pests such as flies and cockroaches.
Please note that it has improved my diet. But, my diet still is not very healthy. Health and saving money is not why I am vegan.
Your brother is not ready to learn about animal suffering. Focus your energy on people who are actively interested in going vegan.
I never would have gone vegan without PETA. They had the mentor and the information that I needed. I also needed ongoing online support from veganforums.org to help me remember that I am not Don Quixote fighting battles with windmills.
It takes a community to create a vegan. By actively participating in this forum, you will help build that community. I would also suggest that you continue to associate with other vegans in your daily life. It is healthy for both you and other vegans.
Veganism is also pragmatic even if a person has no interest in animal suffering and the environment. It promotes good health. It saves money. And it reduces pests such as flies and cockroaches.
Please note that it has improved my diet. But, my diet still is not very healthy. Health and saving money is not why I am vegan.
It is disappointing when you think other people will get it like we do but for whatever reason they don't. In time your brother might change. Most people want to do what most other people are doing especially at his age. Also I'm thinking if your dad is an avid meat eater he no doubt looks up to him. You are very lucky in that your boyfriend's family are all vegan. That's great that you have a good few vegans to talk to so you aren't feeling isolated.
I'm not sure what to suggest.
On the one hand, it's natural and good to make an effort persuading people whom you know to treat animals better.
On the other hand, it didn't work that way with me. I only knew one vegetarian (not vegan) when I was younger, back around 1960. I didn't become vegetarian myself until 1972, although I had gone pescatarian 4 years before. I think the vegetarian I knew influenced me to a degree, but I had always loved animals for some reason, and that was ultimately the reason I stopped eating them. Both my parents had had pets when they were younger, and so did I... but I still don't know precisely why I was moved to take my caring for them quite a bit farther.
I didn't convince them to go veg... but they didn't convince me to keep eating meat, either. So there you go.
On the one hand, it's natural and good to make an effort persuading people whom you know to treat animals better.
On the other hand, it didn't work that way with me. I only knew one vegetarian (not vegan) when I was younger, back around 1960. I didn't become vegetarian myself until 1972, although I had gone pescatarian 4 years before. I think the vegetarian I knew influenced me to a degree, but I had always loved animals for some reason, and that was ultimately the reason I stopped eating them. Both my parents had had pets when they were younger, and so did I... but I still don't know precisely why I was moved to take my caring for them quite a bit farther.
I didn't convince them to go veg... but they didn't convince me to keep eating meat, either. So there you go.
VeganRachel
Forum Legend
We were all brainwashed by a society that accepts eating animals as normal. It is worse for males, as eating
animal protein is linked with masculinity, strength, power, control, virility and testosterone. I grew up in an omnivore family,
and became the only vegan in my family over twenty years ago. It takes courage and strength to be different and
swim upstream, but I love animals and know they are not food. I would not kill a dog or horse to eat it either.
You can take him to a farm animal sanctuary and let him hear what the caretakers say and let him meet
the chickens, cows and pigs in-person. Gary Yurovsky and Earthling Ed have some wonderful speeches to
listen to. Watch the documentary "dominion" or "Earthlings", both are very powerful and graphic.
Congratulations for having the courage and compassion to be vegan in the world that is intimidated by vegans.
animal protein is linked with masculinity, strength, power, control, virility and testosterone. I grew up in an omnivore family,
and became the only vegan in my family over twenty years ago. It takes courage and strength to be different and
swim upstream, but I love animals and know they are not food. I would not kill a dog or horse to eat it either.
You can take him to a farm animal sanctuary and let him hear what the caretakers say and let him meet
the chickens, cows and pigs in-person. Gary Yurovsky and Earthling Ed have some wonderful speeches to
listen to. Watch the documentary "dominion" or "Earthlings", both are very powerful and graphic.
Congratulations for having the courage and compassion to be vegan in the world that is intimidated by vegans.
