Dating a non-vegan/vegetarian

[ParallelUniverse]

I've been out on dates with meat eaters after 2 wonderful vegan boyfriends and I must say its not for me. I'm vegan for moral reasons and if someone thinks animals are here for us to use them as we please then our values don't align and nothing would work longterm, saying that short term/fling wouldn't work either as I would not want to kiss them or be intimate with them. I always thought dating a vegetarian could be a reasonable compromise, but so far no meat eater I've been out with was understanding or open minded enough to consider giving up flesh. So my focus is back on veg*ns, those who are already very much awake and aware.

 

[Malcolm Johnson]

I love reading all the comments here. My wife of three years has never eaten meat, but she enjoyed milk, eggs and cheese. I was vegetarian at home, but ate meat when out for a meal. In March this year, after reading How Not To Die, I gave up meat, eggs and dairy overnight, and have not once gone back on that decision. My vegetarian wife oddly found the transition more difficult, mostly missing the cheese and milk chocolate. So I guess I am lucky in having a partner who has been both understanding when I ate meat at restaurants and equally understanding when I asked her to go completely plant-based.

I guess if you're willing to date a non-vegan, but not willing to date a cannibal, or murderer, or child abuser, that must tell you how strongly you believe in each cause or how important each cause is. Would you date someone who tortured animals? How about someone who ate the meat of animals obviously and always killed inhumanely by some factory? How about someone who ate the meat of animals mostly killed mostly humanely but occasionally inhumanely? How about someone who only ate the meat of animals always killed humanely? How about a vegetarian? How about someone, like me and my wife, who are plant-based eaters who still eat honey?

My wife and I could easily remove honey from our diets. But would you date someone who followed a vegan diet but did so purely for health reasons and cared nothing about the ethical reasons?

 

[VeganBel]

My boyfriend isn't Vegan or Vegetarian, he eats meat and dairy, I'm ok with that. We don't live together so maybe that's why it's not an issue. He eats completely vegan whenever we cook together and enjoys the food we make. We eat out at places where I can get vegan options, he is very supportive and respectful of my beliefs.

Same with my family, huge meat eaters but I am always catered for and they're supportive. I can't imagine alienating people who are important to me because of their food choices.

 

[Paul Gammage]

I am 51, my girlfriend - or should that be lady friend? - is 59. She has spent her whole life being omnivorous. I've only been seeing her a month. She, not I, immediately decided that she would become a vegan. I'm moving in with her soon. She is getting rid of her leather settee, her feather-filled pillows, and any other items that are animal orientated. She told me that she just couldn't offend my sensibilities by continuing to eat meat and consume dairy products. She ingested very little dairy produce anyway - being Italian, well, mozerella... - but she did it for her OWN health reasons, NOT for the animals. Now, however, she thinks differently. I see a lot of people on here complaining that they haven't lost enough weight being a vegan - like it's just a diet. People that think being a vegan will help them lose weight, have better skin, silkier hair etc. A fie 'pon 'em! I would still be a vegan if it made me fat and spotty and bald. I do it for the animals, not for my own selfish reasons. If my lady friend had not decided to join me in veganism, well, I think that I would have - over time - felt more and more uncomfortable with her.

In a nut: a vegan in a relationship with a carnivore, omnivore or vegetarian would be like a Jew being in a relationship with a Nazi...

 

[Vegandy]

There are some really good points made in this thread and some interesting experiences. I think it's nice to meet someone who shares the same values as you, such as being a vegan. That's similar perhaps to wanting to meet someone of the same faith; you know that you're going to share the same world view.

However just to add a cautionary note, it's also nice to meet someone who doesn't lie, and isn't unfaithful; even though they may also be a vegan for all the right reasons! I write from personal experience, and what I learnt from that is that a persons diet and ethics is important, but it's just as important to meet someone that you can trust and feel relaxed around.

 

[Liz Echo]

When I started dating my boyfriend two years ago, I wasn't a vegetarian yet. I ate meat frequently and so did he. I only became a vegetarian less than a year ago and I am working on transitioning to veganism. Being that it took me a long time to become a vegetarian, after thinking about it for years, I don't feel that I can expect my boyfriend to change his diet just because I have. That fact that he eats meat bothers me to a degree but he is also really open to the idea of veganism. I've met a lot of people in my life who could not imagine themselves giving up meat. That fact that my boyfriend isn't judgmental about veganism and is willing to try vegan products helps a lot. Of course in a perfect world he would be vegan but you can't force someone to change. I'm just grateful that he is extremely accepting and supportive of my choice to go vegan.

 

[Oatter]

I respect her choices, and she respects mine.

I'll quote my reply to a similar thread:

Dietary preference is: 'I like kale; you like apples'. And here 'we' are calling murder and torture dietary preference because the victim ends on our plate. Few people would date a cannibal or serial killer, on sheer moral basis (if not for self-preservation instinct).
This is not about diet, it's about core values, compassion and their consequences on lives of others.

I have been repulsed when a girl tried to kiss me after eating meat.

I'm repulsed at the very thought of them not being at least vegetarian


There's always an option in theory that you could make an omnivore go vegan, but...I'm assuming that around my age everyone who wanted to go vegan already has and I don't feel like spying on him to find him gulping down cheap burgers while he's reportedly taking his dog for a walk and laughing at me behind my back with his friends about 'knocking up that stupid naive vegan' No, 'thanks'.

 

[Vegandy]

"There's always an option in theory that you could make an omnivore go vegan, but...I'm assuming that around my age everyone who wanted to go vegan already has and I don't feel like spying on him to find him gulping down cheap burgers while he's reportedly taking his dog for a walk and laughing at me behind my back with his friends about 'knocking up that stupid naive vegan' No, 'thanks'.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your post, I do hope you weren't being laughed at behind your back that would just have been horrible :-(

 

[Oatter]

Thanks for your post, I do hope you weren't being laughed at behind your back that would just have been horrible :-

No worries, those people are usually easy to see through before that happens.

 

[Mariah]

I think that you answered your own question.

If you are in good relationships with your spouse and both of you are understanding, then no one will force anyone to change their lifestyles.

My ex-boyfriend also was an omnivore and we had 0 problems. We even cooked together. Always vegan meals, he would just thow some meat on the side pan and cook it for himself. Although I don't support it, I never complained about it and if he chooses do eat meat that is his deal and I shouldn't get in the way.

Supporting each others choices is the cornerstone of good relationships.

 

[teacup]

My husband eats vegan when at home (it is what I cook & what we have in the house) ... when out, if we are somewhere having a meal or when he is at work he eats what he wants which is often not vegan ... it does not cause friction between us ...

 

[Kate911]

My boyfriend stopped eating meat because of my diet. I'm so proud of him!

 

[bratvada]

I am dating a girl who eats meat. When I brought up veganism she ignored it. Maybe she does not read books. I am irritated by it, and would prefer a vegan girl

 

[Vegan Artist BJT]

I would show them cowspiracy and some Gary Yourofsky videos and if they don't go vegan after that.... Find a partner with a heart....

 

[Sally]

My boyfriend stopped eating meat because of my diet. I'm so proud of him!

Lucky you, hang on to him.

 

[mamamellie_114]

I'm a dairy-free vegetarian and have been with my fiance for 5 years. I do all the grocery shopping and cooking, so he doesn't really get a choice at home because I won't buy or prepare it. But when we eat out or go to parties he eats dairy and meat. You just have to realize there's more to a person than their diet. We have a great relationship, it's possible.

 

[Punkmorg]

I have just read through this thread with interest.
Some good points made.
However although veganism seems to be growing rapidly right now, vegans are still few and far between.
I am a 55 year old punk rocker, my age and the way i dress severely restricts my dating options to start with, but if i also insisted on any prospective partners being vegan then i would have no chance at all lol.
My last partner was a big meat eater.
Although obviously i would have preferred her to be vegan, her diet choice never caused me any real problems.
Now that many many more places are doing vegan options than a few years ago, it meant that we could eat out together when we wanted.
If she ate at my place she would eat vegan food that i cooked.
If i ate at hers she would cook meat based for her and her son's, and vegan for me.
Sadly the relationship didn't work out in the end, but this was nothing to do with our different diet choices.

 

[DCab]

Everyone has made such great points in this thread and I see there are a variety of experiences and points of view on this topic. This topic is of great interest to me. I went vegan (raw vegan first) after I was already married. I currently live in a rural farm community - beef country for sure - and I can honestly say that I'm probably the only vegan in the whole town. (The town is very small - LOL).

I wrote an article on this topic - I have it here in just a google document - I would love anyone's feedback on my point of view. I would love to know what you all think about how we vegans relate socially. Also, I hope the article doesn't anger anyone - I know we're all passionate about our food and lifestyle choices. Here is the link if anyone is interested in reading it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HkRUm-BfbSKPiIhB-kI5WrjzuL43sEBmOAnUw-csfyY/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Christine]

My ex ate a lot of meat, (I was a lacto-ovo vegetarian until very recently), and I do recall a few problems with this divergence in our diets, though this was one sided on my end as he was very accommodating. Vegetarians are more easy to accept, I believe. Dealing with his diet was sometimes mentally challenging for me because it forced me to hold in check my automatic thoughts regarding his meal choices, but it would have been very unfair of me to proselytize his choices without expecting a similar counterattack - we held the peace!

This said, I feel compelled to share the time he kissed me as I waited for him outside a McDonalds once... he did it on automatic but had also been automatically eating his horrible purchase (not fries!) as he came out the door. This experience was probably my worst take on a meat eater/non-meat eater relationship, selfish as it may be.

Regarding this whole scenario, compromise is my watchword. It's how I survived not being torn apart by angry non-veggies in the past and it's how I'll survive now, lol.

 

[Rita]

It's so difficult to find guys to date that have the same thought about becoming vegetarian or vegan.