I guess I know what I should do or need to do, but it's hard. She's my mum, she always tells me or has told me what to do.
She maybe is your mum, but you are allowing her to tell you what to do.
"Chicken Stock Doesn't Count As Meat"
- Thread starter LuvOurMother
- Start date
She maybe is your mum, but you are allowing her to tell you what to do.
SummerRain
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
I can't believe peoples families sneak meat into their foods. That's just so rude and nasty.
Clueless Git
Plant powered
I stood up to my mom. I brought my food dish and some sides when I went over. She blew up at me. How dare I do such a thing, it how dare I call her actions into question.
I felt so small, so much anxiety. I was shaking so bad, looking at the ground. I had tears in my eyes. I just wanted to vanish.
I thought h was in the other room, but it turned out he was there holding my hand. I heard him say "mom, is grandma being mean again? I don't like it here any more"
It gave me some strength that I don't have to put up with the BS. I had to do it for me but also for h. He needs to know strength.
So I looked at my mother, she was crying then. I told her she won't bully me anymore. That I have my values. That I'm an adult. If she can't respect that, then there's no room for us in my life. I took h, our stuff and left.
It was a long drive home. But I had to do it. She called the next day apologizing, saying she wouldn't do it again. That she'd respect my food choices. I told her I needed time, and didn't want to associate with her for a couple weeks.
In two weeks she could come over and we'd have dinner at my house.
I cried a lot, but I'm glad I did it.
I felt so small, so much anxiety. I was shaking so bad, looking at the ground. I had tears in my eyes. I just wanted to vanish.
I thought h was in the other room, but it turned out he was there holding my hand. I heard him say "mom, is grandma being mean again? I don't like it here any more"
It gave me some strength that I don't have to put up with the BS. I had to do it for me but also for h. He needs to know strength.
So I looked at my mother, she was crying then. I told her she won't bully me anymore. That I have my values. That I'm an adult. If she can't respect that, then there's no room for us in my life. I took h, our stuff and left.
It was a long drive home. But I had to do it. She called the next day apologizing, saying she wouldn't do it again. That she'd respect my food choices. I told her I needed time, and didn't want to associate with her for a couple weeks.
In two weeks she could come over and we'd have dinner at my house.
I cried a lot, but I'm glad I did it.
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Wonderful! You did a good thing by standing up to your mom! You forced her to see you differently and to respect you and your choices. 
thefadedone
Needs a life
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Wow, this is huge...so glad it worked out. I wish it didn't have to come down to this and that people would just listen and accept each others choices.
beancounter
The Fire That Burns Within
Go gelhair, go.
RabbitLuvr
I love rabbits.
SuicideBlonde
Adorkable rockstar!
I remember being younger out of town, at family's house and there was a large dinner. Mom made green bean casserole (gross stuff) and a family member asked what she used in it because it was good. Mom said :"Well I used cream of chicken soup instead of cream of mushroom". I already had a few bites of it and was upset. Stormed up stairs and had a hissy fit. Mom could not understand why I was upset. One of my sisters had to explain and calm me down.
Gelhair, good for you for standing up for what you believe in. If anything, your mom should be proud that you have the courage do that.
She may come around. I know with family, situations can be uncomfortable, but you are doing what's right for you. Good on you!
She may come around. I know with family, situations can be uncomfortable, but you are doing what's right for you. Good on you!
thefadedone
Needs a life
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It should be illegal for professional chefs to lie to and mislead customers about the ingredients in their food.
This reminds me of me and my mum when I first went veg 8 years ago. My daughter was 8 at the time, and I had just met my husband (lived overseas at the time, it was long distance for a few years), so I was still essentially a single mother. My mother, at one point, said that I was unfit as a mother to make my daughter go through that. I had to make something very clear to her. My daughter was too old for me to start forbidding her to eat meat (IMO anyway) but I wasn't going to make two meals for each meal, so there was no meat being cooked at home, although she was free to eat what she wanted outside the home, including school. This has always been good enough for her (my daughter). My mother absolutely thought that I was depriving her. We once had a huge screaming match about it. She apologised later on.
Had I started this when daughter was a baby, she would have just had to live with the fact that I was raising her veg from birth.
Anyway, sorry for rambling, but I just wanted to show you that you're not alone in this.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. It will get easier. There might always be some tension (or none at all if you are lucky), but your family will come to accept it.Mother still says to me in an exasperated sigh, that she doesn't know what she'll feed me when I visit. Ummm, anything but meat (and eggs and dairy for hubby)?? hehe.
I don't think that the cook was being malicious -- he was just biased, and probably suffering from cognitive dissonance, and willful ignorance. Can we really say that we, who now accept vegan principals, did not suffer the same upon first transitioning? But we had the benefit of wanting to change -- the cook did not.
If someone had done that to me, I would have said something like this:
"Thank you so much for giving to me of your best -- it touches me. I don't want to make a nuisance of myself. I seek to give grace, including to our fellow animals, rather than demanding purity for me. I am desirous of being a gracious guest.
May I be bold? If you might, adopt my most fundamental idea: grace for thee, not purity for me, as I myself do. I mean, that you would give me reciprocity, and make the small sacrifice of culinary purity, out of giving me your grace toward my ideals; otherwise, I am not sure I could continue eating with you. I would never condemn you, however, especially after you have just now done your best for me. I accept that we are all on our own journey through life. And I myself all to often fail....."
However...
I have found that 'not purity for me,' is a little dangerous: after eating meat (etc.) I find my palate adjusting to animal products, and my food addiction, and old lusts, are agitated. That, however, is my fault, not the fault of those trying to help me.
If someone had done that to me, I would have said something like this:
"Thank you so much for giving to me of your best -- it touches me. I don't want to make a nuisance of myself. I seek to give grace, including to our fellow animals, rather than demanding purity for me. I am desirous of being a gracious guest.
May I be bold? If you might, adopt my most fundamental idea: grace for thee, not purity for me, as I myself do. I mean, that you would give me reciprocity, and make the small sacrifice of culinary purity, out of giving me your grace toward my ideals; otherwise, I am not sure I could continue eating with you. I would never condemn you, however, especially after you have just now done your best for me. I accept that we are all on our own journey through life. And I myself all to often fail....."
However...
I have found that 'not purity for me,' is a little dangerous: after eating meat (etc.) I find my palate adjusting to animal products, and my food addiction, and old lusts, are agitated. That, however, is my fault, not the fault of those trying to help me.
I am estranged from both my families -- biological, and adoption. I know the feeling. My Christian adoption mother, who I loved so very much, looked at me as firewood. I can no longer associate with her. I was suicidal for a while. SMH. I'm so sorry you suffered. I am glad you were an exceptional parent in that moment. Be strong.
"I’d hope so, because, to be honest, to do otherwise is really rude. While I realize that etiquette is on the wane at this late date, I maintain that it is very impolite to straight-up refuse something someone has taken the time to make for you (and the other, probably carnivorous people present) because of your personal preference".
Many countries eat meat that American meat eaters consider disgusting.
I wonder whether he would consider it rude to refuse to eat dogs, cats, bats, congealed blood sausage, etc., that are considered as " delicacies" in foreign countries.
Many countries eat meat that American meat eaters consider disgusting.
I wonder whether he would consider it rude to refuse to eat dogs, cats, bats, congealed blood sausage, etc., that are considered as " delicacies" in foreign countries.
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[Nodding in agreement.] I agree; when we consider what else counts as meat, it gives us a new perspective on the meats we subconsciously consider normal. I'll have to keep these examples in mind the next time an old lust temps me.
Still, if I could in no way avoid eating the food served, (bat, durian fruit....) I would do my best, then never attend another dinner.
