Were You Raised By Wolves? The Proliferaton of Rude Behavior and Lack of Civility in Today's Society

Amy SF

Amy SF

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What the title says.

Discuss.

Btw, real wolves have such a strong pack/family bond that some Native American tribes have modeled their own tribal values on that of the wolf pack structure; for example, the entire tribe taking care of the children and feeding the entire tribe after a hunting party brings food back, and making sure everyone gets something to eat.

ETA: And could a moderator please fix the typo in my title? Thanks. *blushes*
 
Apart from the internet, I don't know whether society has actually gotten ruder/less civil. Every generation, back to the ancient Greeks, has complained that it has. If that had been true, we would long since have devolved to a state of complete mayhem.

I am constantly encountering thoughtful people who extend small courtesies to me, and I try to do likewise.

The internet does bring out the ugly and the ignorant in a lot of people - I try to avoid reading comments to articles for that reason. But on many discussion boards, people do self regulate very well.
 
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mlp said:
Apart from the internet, I don't know whether society has actually gotten ruder/less civil. Every generation, back to the ancient Greeks, has complained that it has. If that had been true, we would long since have devolved to a state of complete mayhem.

I am constantly encountering thoughtful people who extend small courtesies to me, and I try to do likewise.

The internet does bring out the ugly and the ignorant in a lot of people - I try to avoid reading comments to articles for that reason. But on many discussion boards, people do self regulate very well.
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I agree. Back in the days we didn't have the news on tv, the daily paper, the internet to get informed every second about cruelty in the world. That didn't mean it didn't happen, you just didn't hear about it if it was too far away.
 
Standards also vary a lot between different societies, areas, social classes/groups, etc. People are probably a lot more exposed to each other now, and have plenty of chances for their expectations of one another to conflict.

Personally I tend to steer clear of being disgusting, but I make no effort to avoid swearing and I speak very directly about things regardless of how sensitive the topic might be. I'll also find humour in virtually anything, as long as I can do it without contradicting the first part (or my interpretation of it, at least). Some people definitely find me rude, usually from older generations. I once had someone berate me for not removing my hat when I had entered a building (I forget where now). To this day, I still don't understand why this was an issue for them. I think I asked what they were on about, but they didn't seem to be able to explain why it was rude, only reiterate that it was.

I also don't go to much effort to repair people's interpretations of my actions. For instance in a post office a few years ago, I was at a desk to fill out some form or another, and the desk had a bunch of pens all connected to it with string. They were pretty messily arranged, so I just picked up a pen in string-range of my form and started filling it out. The man next to me started going on like 'oh, don't worry about me' as people do when they want to make others feel guilty or something. I had no idea what he was talking about, and offered a sort of vaguely interested 'huh?' to which he responded by pointing out how the pen I was using was - ideally - meant to be the one for where he was standing. Not really giving a **** either way, I was like 'Oh. You can have it if you want.' but he kept on about how he was 'fine' and dramatically moved over about 1 ft to the next space (this was a desk for like 6 people, we were the only ones there). As much as he seemed to expect some sort of apology, I really just couldn't bring myself to care, and accepted his sarcasm as genuine. So, I'm pretty sure he didn't like me much. :p

One of my favourite memories from highschool following a similar theme was having been talking to my friends in mathematics class, and swearing in exclamation over something they said lead to the following exchange with the teacher:

me: '****!'
her: 'don't swear, thank you'
me: 'uh... god dammit!'
her: 'don't take the lord's name in vain either'
me: 'jes- uh... ****.'
 
I can see your point that there is rudeness and then there is the perception of rudeness. Although I think people like that who accuse others of being rude are just weird. For my own example, one time I was walking towards the time clock at work to clock out from my shift, which, like a lot of employees there, ends at 4:30. Sometimes when I arrive at the time clock, there is already a line of people waiting to clock out, and I don't mind waiting in line. This day, however, there wasn't a line, just two women standing by the time clock chatting. I walked up, took my time card, and waited. The time clock counts down in seconds as well as hours and minutes, and we all pretty much tend to wait until the magic moment of 4:30 to clock out. At this point, it was only about 30 seconds away from 4:30. Abruptly one of the women stopped talking to say to me in a slightly hostile voice that there was "a line". What? There was no line, just two women standing on either side of the time clock. WTF, was she so hostile that she couldn't bear the thought of somebody else clocking out 12 seconds before she did? Geez. :rolleyes:

People who know me know that I'm a pretty polite person (politeness having been drilled into me by my parents), and like a lot of people, I sometimes forget to be polite in a rush-rush society. So I was wondering if people who behave rudely are just rude people or polite people who lose it at various times?

After one of my aunts died, there were condolence calls at the home of another aunt. I was there with my father and my brother. After we'd been there a while, my brother came over and said that Dad wanted to leave, so I went up to my cousin, opened my mouth, and out came, "Thank you very much, I had a very nice time" because that's what I was taught to say to the host or hostess when leaving a party or social event. The minute I said it, though, I realized that was wrong and apologized. My cousin was understanding and said she knew what I meant and that under better circumstances I would have had a very nice time. :p
 
Readin' books from a while ago makes me think that they certainly were rude back then as well, but in different ways perhaps.
 
I'm not sure about whether or not people are more rude today than they were in the past. Sometimes I think parents today don't stress enough on the niceties/politeness rules as much as might have been done in years gone by. Not saying ALL parents, mind you. Just in general. But this could be because they are caught up in so many extra curricular activities and there are more things that parents are aware of nowadays so they concentrate more on things like a child's self esteem and not so much on the please and thank yous.

Then...I think some people are rude because they think it's cool or funny and they like the 'shock factor'...they are entertained by people's reactions. I also think these people have issues. This probably belongs in the unpopular opinions thread. :p

There are ways of expressing yourself and speaking your mind without being rude. But then I guess rude is subjective. What's rude to me may not be rude to someone else.

That being said, I rarely come across, what I would consider, intentionally rude people.
 
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Amy SF said:
People who know me know that I'm a pretty polite person (politeness having been drilled into me by my parents), and like a lot of people, I sometimes forget to be polite in a rush-rush society. So I was wondering if people who behave rudely are just rude people or polite people who lose it at various times?. :p
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I believe it's a mixture of both. Some people are just raised to be rude assholes and others just find themselves being "accidently" rude due to being in a bad/stressed mood at the time.
 
KLS52 said:
I'm not sure about whether or not people are more rude today than they were in the past. Sometimes I think parents today don't stress enough on the niceties/politeness rules as much as might have been done in years gone by. Not saying ALL parents, mind you. Just in general. But this could be because they are caught up in so many extra curricular activities and there are more things that parents are aware of nowadays so they concentrate more on things like a child's self esteem and not so much on the please and thank yous.
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Of course, if people aren't taught to expect that, the lack of it won't bother them either. I find it awkward and formal when people say 'please' or 'thank you' (I can live with 'thanks' for some reason, and it makes a useful marker for the end of that particular exchange/subject). The use of 'please' that I was initially taught (basically to tack it onto any sort of request) is served just as well in most situations by listening to the way someone talks. Better, in fact, since prefacing things with 'please' out of tradition becomes meaningless. Some people who still use it habitually will say 'please' and 'thank you' even when they're audibly and visibly expressing very different feelings.
 
We have some extremely rude people where I work. Most of the nursing staff gets along pretty well for the most part. Usually minor flare ups. But some of the front office staff and the little central supply snit we have are out of control. Asking for a supply usually evokes some snotty answer like "did you even LOOK?" or she'll start bitching at anyone in ear shot if an empty box was left in the supply room. "who left this box in here. take it out"
Ah no.

I find you mentioning tribes as interesting Amy. Since I've lived a rather isolated life I've wondered at times what it would have been like to be a member of a village or tribe or other community and be an actual part of that community.

I don't know if people have become worse. Probably not. I think it's just people. Some good some bad, many in-between. I don't know. I don't even know where I fall on that line.
 
I think people were rude and unkind for thousands of years, its just seems more common today because some people should never have access to internet or any computers or even television that matter. I wish people stops the hate among themselves. I am hated on from Christians because I am voting for Obama and I am standing for woman's rights too choose and other things and plus defending American's and Freedoms. I was looked down upon with so called Christians that I had swayed away from some the Church settings and stuff because of the rudeness. I had a few tell me that they hope my and my husband's ssi gets cut for voting for Obama and so on. I am not trying to hijack this as political but that is a few rude comments I had recently from people that should be more loving.
 
I think today's society (at least in the US) is less rude than it used to be in many ways. That doesn't mean rudeness isn't still a problem though. I'm not sure how to combat it other than setting a good example.
 
What bothers me is that people think being offended or outraged at something gives them license to forget their manners and be as rude and nasty as they please. Being nice doesn't count for much when everything is going your way. It's when things get unpleasant that a real commitment to behaving in a civil way shines.
 
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Rude people will always be rude... what I'm noticing more is the general lack of courtesy in general.
 
I thought about this thread recently as I had to walk past a neighbour in my road the other day and he stopped and gestured for me to walk ahead of him in a polite and "gentlemanly" fashion but I know for a fact that he beats up his girlfriend.

I think people are generally quite rude in London because it is a fast-paced way of life and I know I get very impatient if people slow me down or get in my way.
 
Moll Flanders said:
I thought about this thread recently as I had to walk past a neighbour in my road the other day and he stopped and gestured for me to walk ahead of him in a polite and "gentlemanly" fashion but I know for a fact that he beats up his girlfriend.

I think people are generally quite rude in London because it is a fast-paced way of life and I know I get very impatient if people slow me down or get in my way.
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One of the most outwardly courteous/gentlemanly men I'm acquainted with is a wife beater. Appearances are not what they seem.
 
Yes, I don't trust charming, polite men at all! I always think they have something to hide. I think it smacks of sexism when a man offers me a seat on the train too. I do tend to take it if my feet hurt though.:cool:
 
You've thought more about it than most of us have. Most of us were simply raised that way. It's disingenuous, but it's often an automatic thing for some of us, almost a reflex. You simply do things for women and that's that. I will say that I've modified my behavior somewhat. I hold the door for anyone within a certain distance behind me and I will give up my seat on the bus for anyone who appears older than I am. Anyone younger can stand there.
 
Cerebellion said:
I hold the door for anyone within a certain distance behind me
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That is what I try to do too, :) it just makes me feel awkward when men try and be chivalrous towards me. I find it faintly annoying. I always stand up for a pregnant woman on public transport though.
 
As horrible as it sounds, someone once told me that men hold doors for women so they can look at her *** as they walk by.

I try to be nice, though, and hope it's not mistaken for chivalry. Sometimes, results may vary
 
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