The contrarian

[K-II]

I know two contrarians IRL who seem to love to get under my skin. One seems to disagree with everything because he's miserable and pessimistic, the other one seems to just loves to fight and prove how much smarter he is than everyone. You tell him the sky is blue and he'll launch into a long winded spiel about how ignorant you are for it

To be fair, 'the sky is blue' has always been a terrible example of an absolute.

 

[Blobbenstein]

My dad say I disagree with everything he say, which is true some of the time, but sometimes I just want to argue about something because I'm not happy, and sometimes he is just wrong.

It is partly that he probably remembers more readily the times I disagree with him...I agree with him about quite a lot of things.


In some moods of unhappiness or irritability, stress etc, anything anyone says can seem like it is incorrect.


According to Little Big Man, a contrarian is someone who washes in dust, and dries himself in water, and I don't do that!

 

[jeneticallymodified]

No. Quite the opposite. When you are contrary, you risk being ostracized from the group.

People are contrary because they have a different opinion, and feel strongly enough about that opinion to express it.

my bf's daughter is contrary just to be really bloody difficult and exasperating and to try and make me tear out my hair, run screaming around the room, or go prematurely grey.

that's like her raisin de-etre thingy.

I have noticed this sort of 'I don't agree' attitude but also with woman. I have one in my group on the owner's association and she systematically disagrees with anything I say.

have you considered the possibility that you might just always be completely and utterly wrong? cos that's my bf's problem. in fact i'd go as far as to say that i often feel that this is most mens' basic problem.

Although I'm not actually sure if that's what you're talking about. 'Contrarian' isn't really a term I hear people use often (and firefox tells me it's a spelling error).

where i'm from it's known as being a 'right contrary madam' - in polite circles.

or a 'contrary @$&!ing #!@*hole' in less polite ones.

 

[shyvas]

my bf's daughter is contrary just to be really bloody difficult and exasperating and to try and make me tear out my hair, run screaming around the room, or go prematurely grey.

that's like her raisin de-etre thingy.



have you considered the possibility that you might just always be completely and utterly wrong? cos that's my bf's problem. in fact i'd go as far as to say that i often feel that this is most mens' basic problem.



where i'm from it's known as being a 'right contrary madam' - in polite circles.

or a 'contrary @$&!ing #!@*hole' in less polite ones.

I have made 2 very practical suggestions to the group and she just says 'NO' in an arrogant manner. Unfortunately she is backed up by another member who is a friend of mine. I think that this is more of a womans' issue and she want to have the upper hand.

I am a very calm person and like to discuss matters and certainly not have arguments in front of the other people. So it just beats me why she has this rude and arrogant behavior towards me ?

 

[jeneticallymodified]

I have made 2 very practical suggestions to the group and she just says 'NO' in an arrogant manner. Unfortunately she is backed up by another member who is a friend of mine. I think that this is more of a womans' issue and she want to have the upper hand.

I am a very calm person and like to discuss matters and certainly not have arguments in front of the other people. So it just beats me why she has this rude and arrogant behavior towards me ?

there's your problem right there. she's got you by the short and curlies.

seriously though... sounds like she's either uh.... a powerhungry controlfreak psycho-beyatch of doom, or um... just REALLY does not like something about you, for some reason. or quite possibly both.

have you tried asking her very gently and sympathetically (preferably while extending a hand towards her own, in a gesture of solidarity and empathy) whether she's having her 'lady's time'? or handing her a huge bar of chocolate with a big shiny bow stuck on it, at the start of every meeting?

 

[shyvas]

there's your problem right there. she's got you by the short and curlies.

seriously though... sounds like she's either uh.... a powerhungry controlfreak psycho-beyatch of doom, or um... just REALLY does not like something about you, for some reason. or quite possibly both.

have you tried asking her very gently and sympathetically (preferably while extending a hand towards her own, in a gesture of solidarity and empathy) whether she's having her 'lady's time'? or handing her a huge bar of chocolate with a big shiny bow stuck on it, at the start of every meeting?

Yes, she asked me to meet to discuss the issue after I walked out ( not stormed and did say good bye ) of one of the meetings. She flew of the handle as I had suggested that the manager of the cleaning firm might want to meet the members during one of your meetings. I responded by stating why this was important and she just got angrier and angrier saying 'NO' that it was a bad idea.

Well, the discussion further to this incident lasted 2 hours and she said that she would be more careful and would try to have a morelow profile attitude during our meetings.
However the saying ' a leopoard never changes his spots' can apply and she is still the same bossy person. The other 2 people don't seem to mind and are always asking her for her opinion so she does get on with them.

She has quite a high profile job as district manager in training so thinks that she can do and say anything that pleases her. I says that she can't and that we are not part of her team on the board.

 

[Second Summer]

I thought this was illuminating:

Different than mere dissent and authentic disagreement in various settings such as academic, policy making, personal, social and more; sometimes a contrarian position is taken to gainsay and nay-say another person's statement, and as is evidenced in the word "gainsay" the motivation is not to give an accurate counter point, but rather a misguided attempt to appear "better" by using a contrarian argument, which are often weak and rely only on rhetoric as they reflect as the nay-sayer's pessimism. Some have said it is an attempt to deny clear evidence merely for political gain, as is done by certain industries when it comes to important evidence of public safety and medical concerns that could effect the sales of the companies in the industry. Another form of this can be seen on some Internet forums where comments aren't responded to logically but with rhetoric, flaming or worse, defamatory statements.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contrarian

 

[Sevenseas]

A lot of questions/issues/debates, especially political or ethical, don't resolve themselves completely into one clear established position or ideology -- so if you attempt to give a fair representation to all the different points that (you think) can be made about that question/issue/debate, you end up disagreeing with "both sides". Sometimes people do it to pat themselves on the back for being "free thinkers" or whatever, sometimes they don't.

For example, if I wanted to talk about the ALF, I couldn't see it in the pre-established "GO ALF!!!" position, so I would end up being "contrary" to some AR advocates' view on the ALF. On the other hand, I could also not agree with something like Francione's very literal or radical understanding of "pacifism", so I would be "contrary" to a categorical rejection of property destruction as well. Obviously there are countless other examples like this.

There are exceptions, of course: some issues resolve themselves very clearly. There's no reason to be contrary in any way to the view that Hitler was unethical, or that the blood type diet thing is ********, or that Lady Gaga is to music what a moldy cherry tomato is to a fruit salad.

 

[Forster]

I like to play devils advocate especially with my family... wouldn't really classify that as contrarian more of a verbal exercise... though I verge on being a PITA at times.

 

[cornsail]

I hear things I disagree with all the time, so I can see how I might come off as a "contrarian" if I always expressed my disagreement. I don't always and I try to be tactful if I do. But in general I like disagreement. It stimulates thinking and hopefully leads to one or both of the parties learning something, even if they don't change their minds. Sometimes it's important to speak out against what you disagree with even though it can be challenging to do so without coming off as obnoxious. Unsupported health claims is an example. OTOH it can be obnoxious to provoke arguments with people who aren't interested in arguing at that moment.

 

[kazyeeqen]

I hear things I disagree with all the time, so I can see how I might come off as a "contrarian" if I always expressed my disagreement. I don't always and I try to be tactful if I do. But in general I like disagreement. It stimulates thinking and hopefully leads to one or both of the parties learning something, even if they don't change their minds. Sometimes it's important to speak out against what you disagree with even though it can be challenging to do so without coming off as obnoxious. Unsupported health claims is an example. OTOH it can be obnoxious to provoke arguments with people who aren't interested in arguing at that moment.

Says you!

 

[cornsail]

Says you!

*looks around for banhammer*

Oh yeah, wrong site.

 

[kazyeeqen]

*looks around for banhammer*

Oh yeah, wrong site.

You control nothing here! NOTHING!

 

[das_nut]

Considering our dietary choices, we're all contrarians to mainstream culture.

Personally, I believe that the more you think about, or discuss, or learn about a topic, the more likely you will have a more nuanced view that comes off as being contrarian, assuming that you're bold enough to speak your mind. (And on the Internet, it's pretty easy to speak your mind.)