So trying to not just drink

VeganAnon

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So I am struggling with drinking. I checked out AA and ....I know it helps some people and I love that. To me they are a creepy cult. Normally I am good b ut tonight, talked with the ex. Sigh everyone in my life hates it when I talk with him. I miss him and I want to kill him....again and makes we really want to drink.
 
So I am struggling with drinking. I checked out AA and ....I know it helps some people and I love that. To me they are a creepy cult. Normally I am good b ut tonight, talked with the ex. Sigh everyone in my life hates it when I talk with him. I miss him and I want to kill him....again and makes we really want to drink.
Hello @VeganAnon so sorry that you are struggling with drinking and with your ex. After the death of my husband - which was a few years ago I started drinking Way too much wine...Last year I finally just stopped. Didn’t drink for about 5months.
Then in August I started drinking fairly reasonably up until the Holidays when I went off the rails....About a month ago I decided to stop once again...so far so good.... I don’t have any real advice as to how to go about it I have never gone to AA so no idea there, but if you don’t feel comfortable with that maybe look for some other support...Post here if that helps.

As for the ex. Sounds like you have a dilemma... Is there a reason your friends don’t want you to talk with him?
Remember that there is a reason that you are not together any more. Do the pros of being with him outweigh the cons?
Or do you just miss having someone in your life? A Very long time ago I was in an abusive relationship it took me 3 long years to get out of it... If this relationship is not good for you please don’t waste your time in it. Don’t settle, you deserve someone who is worthy of your love...
 
Hello @VeganAnon so sorry that you are struggling with drinking and with your ex. After the death of my husband - which was a few years ago I started drinking Way too much wine...Last year I finally just stopped. Didn’t drink for about 5months.
Then in August I started drinking fairly reasonably up until the Holidays when I went off the rails....About a month ago I decided to stop once again...so far so good.... I don’t have any real advice as to how to go about it I have never gone to AA so no idea there, but if you don’t feel comfortable with that maybe look for some other support...Post here if that helps.

As for the ex. Sounds like you have a dilemma... Is there a reason your friends don’t want you to talk with him?
Remember that there is a reason that you are not together any more. Do the pros of being with him outweigh the cons?
Or do you just miss having someone in your life? A Very long time ago I was in an abusive relationship it took me 3 long years to get out of it... If this relationship is not good for you please don’t waste your time in it. Don’t settle, you deserve someone who is worthy of your love...
I have a good friend that AA helped him a lot and I think NA, recovering from both drug and alcohol abuse. Tried it, went with him to meetings. Just not a good fit for me. And I understand your situation, it got worse for me after parents died even though I always struggled with it before. I know for me it is not like a drug addiction where "oh my god I need a drink" thing. It's a treating the symptoms thing, tired of feeling this way so drink to feel better for a bit. Not that it makes it any better or easier.

And my ex. Double edge sword he is. He is the one person I never have to censor myself with. Not to sound elitist but with most people, I have to dummy myself down for or bite my tongue a lot. I don't think most people are stupid by design but they allow themselves to remain ignorant yet expressing that to them generally does not go over well. But he is a broken person and a bit of an ....emotional vampire. I tend to stop being me and just being his ....***** for lack of a better term. His never ending struggles and demands just wear me down to where I'm not me and just a walking zombie. I miss him horrible and yet am a much better person without him.
 
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I relate to your thoughts on AA (and their affiliate 12 step groups). I’ve known a lot of members and they do seem like a cult. It’s like they’re taking advantage of people at a vulnerable point in their lives, and replacing addiction with cult membership.

Fortunately, there are plenty of other options.

There are tons of sobriety groups out there today. A wide variety.

I think there are also advantages to just going it alone. Groups can keep you stuck in the addict / post-substance-use identity, whereas alone, you can shed that and just move on with your life.

Posting on VF can be helpful. We have a health thread where we talk about our goals and progress. Just checking in with internet friends and getting some encouragement every day can make a difference.
 
Why I Think AA Is a Cult:

- They strongly discourage people from leaving. They actually pathologize it and make dire predictions about what will happen to you.

- They claim to be the only real path to recovery.

- They encourage members to share, “everything,” which is a standard tactic that cults use to encourage loyalty (because it results in fear of blackmail).

- They seem to require a huge time commitment, at least from the members who are in mentorship roles.

- They seem to do some religious indoctrination - you can’t complete the steps as an atheist, and many people get involved in religion after joining them.

I could go on.

I’m sure there are people who benefit from it without being affected by the cultish side. So that’s fine.

Just explaining my own concerns.
 
Sorry you're going through that! I've thankfully never struggled with drinking but I've seen family and close friends have a really hard time with it. AA helps a lot of people but it's not for everyone.

My advice based on dealing with my own bad habits:

Pay attention to your triggers. Think of ways you can avoid them. And have a plan for what you'll do instead of drinking when you can't avoid a trigger.

Sometimes triggers are related to a particular location or time of day, sometimes an event or emotional state, sometimes it's a person. You can come up with different plans for different types of triggers. If you often feel like drinking after eating, for example, you can substitute a non-alcoholic drink or another kind of treat instead, but if you're being triggered by loneliness you're probably better off reaching out to a friend instead of indulging in a treat, or turning to a hobby if you're triggered by boredom. That way you're not just resisting temptation through sheer will power but addressing the underlying cause.