Animal Rights doesn't feel good anymore

[polkkadot]

I was keeping this to myself, but it was hurting me. I need to talk to other people.



I've always had a lot of anger issues, tendencies toward violence, and a possible case of undiagnosed sociopathy. I have a history of violence against people and animals.



When I started getting interested in animal rights, it was the best session I've ever had in my entire life. Not about the diet, I really couldn't care less; being vegan isn't as hard as people say.



I never felt empathy before, then suddenly i learned it, and it was such a genuinely magical experience, and for a year i was the happiest i was ever, animal rights felt like a better version of myself, one that could genuinely be a good person, and for 1 whole year almost all of my bad tendencies were gone, everyone noticed how much happier i was.



But not anymore. A couple of months doing active activism, and now im violent again, and I dont want to be. And I just want to know, would I ever feel good again? Like before? I not happy anymore, in general, I just want to be happy again

 

[1956]

I was keeping this to myself, but it was hurting me. I need to talk to other people.



I've always had a lot of anger issues, tendencies toward violence, and a possible case of undiagnosed sociopathy. I have a history of violence against people and animals.



When I started getting interested in animal rights, it was the best session I've ever had in my entire life. Not about the diet, I really couldn't care less; being vegan isn't as hard as people say.



I never felt empathy before, then suddenly i learned it, and it was such a genuinely magical experience, and for a year i was the happiest i was ever, animal rights felt like a better version of myself, one that could genuinely be a good person, and for 1 whole year almost all of my bad tendencies were gone, everyone noticed how much happier i was.



But not anymore. A couple of months doing active activism, and now im violent again, and I dont want to be. And I just want to know, would I ever feel good again? Like before? I not happy anymore, in general, I just want to be happy again

Hello there @polkkadot and thank you for your honest and heartfelt post…
It’s good that you were able to express yourself…

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly that it’s not hard to eat a Vegan diet! What is probably more difficult though is to be deeply involved in the Animal Rights movement… Being exposed to the Senseless cruelty towards animals through media and talking about it, surrendering yourself with people who are Angry and Rightly so! It may have been exhilarating to feel Empathy for the first time, to be part of a movement to create change and to fight to make animals lives better - however, I imagine that it is also Exhausting!

It sounds to me like you are suffering from Burnout! From what you described about your previous behaviour - being part of the Animal Rights movement has possibly triggered this response of violent feelings… As for not feeling the Happiness that you were feeling at first I’m not surprised - initially you felt good about what you were doing… It’s often very frustrating when we don’t see the change we would like to see… You have been doing Good things for the animals, I hope that you will feel that you are a “better” version of yourself, because in my opinion you have been! Experiencing burnout doesn’t mean that you won’t ever feel happy again… Perhaps you need to step back a bit from activism and to participate in some other activities?

Do you have a good support system around you? Have you had counselling sessions for your issues? Are you in counselling now? Could that help you?
You have made Tremendous progress! You deserve to feel proud of what you’ve achieved! My hope is that you can find ways to continue to help the animals while remaining happy yourself…
All the Best to you!

 

[silva]

Do you have any understanding of where your anger and violent feeling stem from?
You don't need to feel empathy to be kind, I sometimes think too many people think they need to understand others to accept them, or want to help.
What parts of activism do you think caused you to feel good? I mean like, did you enjoy being with others sharing a common goal? Felt as if you were helping, had a purpose? Do you feel your positive feelings were specific to animal activism, or maybe something else?
Could you try maybe volunteering, like at an animal shelter, or food bank, rather than activism?

 

[KLS52]

@polkkadot sounds like a scary position to be in. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Admittedly, I don't really have anything to offer other than what's already been suggested. I hope you can find that part of yourself again, when you felt purposeful and happy.

 

[Jamie in Chile]

Stay connected to the animal rights movement in some way, at some time, in a way that connects you to that empathy you first felt, is the only thing I can think of. Good luck.

 

[Marian1942]

I have anger issues, too, but I don't get violent, except one time I threw the phone across the street. I have clinical depression. What has helped me is a psychiatrist, medication, and weekly psychotherapy. I hope you will consider those options to help with your anger issues. I hope you have insurance that will pay for them. If you can't afford the medication, the pharmaceutical company that makes them will send them to you, probably for free. And of course, keep up with your animal rights work.

 

[Marian1942]

Dear Polkadot, I thought of some other things that might help you feel a lot better. One is, find a creative thing to do. What is your favorite music? Learn to play an instrument. After you've learned a few things, join a slow jam session -- maybe there is one in your area, of you could start one. Even as an adult, you can learn to play music. Do you sing? Singing helps me so much! I play acoustic guitar, and sing. Be sure to learn by ear, as it is natural and learning to read music is maybe not worth it. I can do both, but my early piano teacher would not let me play by ear, so I taught myself to do it when I was in my 30s. Another thing is, Art Therapy helped me overcome PTSD/Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It was process therapy; that means acting out the stresses that have you upset. There was a clinic where I live where the Art Therapist did Jungian Art Therapy. I acted out my dreams sometimes. Art Therapy also got me started doing art. There are many ways to do art, including just brushing beautiful colors onto paper. This can be very therapeutic. Creativity is so important, and if you don't live in a country where everyone is creative, one might think it's not possible for you. But it is. There is also hort-therapy, which is gardening. And writing poetry or stories, but that can be very solitary, and you say you need to be around people. It is also recommended to stay away from screens for a certain number of hours every day.