Smart person living in a dumb person's mind.

[Animallover21]

So,
This is probably a weird thing to post but I need to vent about this to someone, but have no one I feel I can.

I have severe social anxiety. Sometimes it's crippling. I mess up when I speak, and I cannot think properly around people because my anxiety is so bad. I have been to people about it but it's been quite a while. But the only problem I am having due to this is that my social anxiety MAKES ME COME OFF AS STUPID. Not only that, but two summers ago, I had surgery, and for whatever reason, my heart wasn't happy and my blood pressure increased like crazy (I have had high blood pressure issues for unknown reasons since I was 20). Because of the huge increase in BP that my surgery caused, I had to double the BP medication dose I had already been on, doctors knew. Well, the dose I was on was super high. And the side effects were bad. I mean bad. I am not exaggerating this, but the high dose really messed up my thinking. Like I said, I'm not exaggerating. It dumbed me down. I know I'm smart, at least I use to be, but ever since that high medication increase (stayed on that high of a dose for maybe a year and then they changed my meds around) I am different. Mentally. My mind is always super foggy. I cannot think the same. Like there's a bag over my brain suffocating it. I am not smart anymore. I know the smart woman is in there, but she can't get out, she's trapped.
And before my that high medication increase, I never came off dumb like I do now, even with my social anxiety.

It's embarrassing. The worst thing I think someone could think about me is that I am stupid. I wish I knew how to change this. But there is no way to and I am forever stuck like this, as in the affects it caused on my brain. I figured it would go away when they changed my meds around but no.

I don't want to come off stupid.

I asked a girl at my work if I in general come off stupid and asked her to be honest and she said yes. I wanted to start balling but didn't. I asked her. I wanted the truth and I already knew it. But I needed to hear from an outsider. But it doesn't make it any less hurtful. But it's the truth. And I want to know how I can fix it.

I want to cry all the time now because I just feel like everyone thinks I am so dumb and unlikable. I want to be intelligent.

Sorry, for the vent. I really needed to get this out somewhere.

 

[Amy SF]

Well, if it helps at all, you come across as pretty smart here on VeggieViews. Perhaps that's because you have the opportunity to go slowly and think about what you want to say, and that's probably a bit less stressful and anxiety-inducing than talking to people in the same room with you.

 

[Animallover21]

Thank you, that means a lot!!!!

 

[Chryssie]

I agree with Amy. You are an intelligent person. Focus on the "smart" things you do. You obviously have a job and can use a computer. You take care of yourself and your pets. You are a very capable person. Tell yourself this every day. You are SMART! Do not worry so much about what other people think.

 

[Animallover21]

Thank you so much. That helps a lot!

 

[KLS52]

Bumping this so I can say something later and find the thread.

 

[silva]

@Animallover21 --Come back!!!
I know just how that feels! When it comes to dealing with people on a personal level I'm a mess! I've always felt as though I wasn't the same as other people, like I have to study how to interact, how to look, how to talk, what's expected of me. I hate it! Today I've had such anxiety because I know I'm someones friend and they expect me to visit, and I'm completely shut down!It can feel like I'm having an internal meltdown wanting to get away. So much like a typical cat that stays with you for so long then runs off when it's done being friendly. That's what got me to like cats so much- when I discovered we had so much in common!