UK news ... Brides family refuses to attend wedding- vegan menu

[Andy_T]

Somehow this made the news ...

Bride's family refuse to attend wedding because of vegan menu

I get many of us are quite happy to be supported by our relative families...

Of course, if you read the article you will see that e.g. the brides mother supports her (though she is annoyed), so likely it is not the immediate family that is refusing.

 

[PTree15]

I really don't understand how people can be so put off over what, one meal? Seriously? And I don't agree with the people who say she should provide options for the omnivores. Why should she have to abandon her principles to satisfy the taste buds of so many close-minded people? It's not about the guests; it's about the couple.

 

[ledboots]

I really don't understand how people can be so put off over what, one meal? Seriously? And I don't agree with the people who say she should provide options for the omnivores. Why should she have to abandon her principles to satisfy the taste buds of so many close-minded people? It's not about the guests; it's about the couple.

It seems that the guests are trying to "get back at" the vegan bride for having the temerity to have not eaten their offerings on previous occasions. In addition, the groom is omni, so the poor bride must be tearing out her hair at this point.

I would be tempted to be like, OK, NO FOOD AT ALL THEN, asshats! Then have a table of warm koolaid and some stale accidentally vegan cookies set up in the church hall. Use the $ not spent towards a down payment on a home. [emoji6] [emoji48]

 

[AeryFairy]

I saw this because my best friend/maid of honour's mum (who attended my wedding) commented on the link on Facebook, saying:

One of the best weddings we attended was a vegan one. Food was delicious, particularly the vegan wedding cupcakes. It's one day and it's for someone you love, why not.

Gotta say, it made me smile reading that!

Also, a lot of the other comments were really positive and understanding about veganism/vegan food/vegan wedding food... very few "but why can't she just serve the meat?" type comments. Evidently times are changing!

 

[Amy SF]

And I'm sure the same people who wanted the bride to accommodate omnis would think it's ridiculous to accommodate vegans at an omni wedding. "There won't be enough vegans coming to justify it! Too expensive! The caterers don't do that! I don't want tasteless rabbit food at my wedding reception! They can suck it up and eat bread and salad, it's just one meal! If they don't like it, they can just not come!"

 

[Andy_T]

And I'm sure the same people who wanted the bride to accommodate omnis would think it's ridiculous to accommodate vegans at an omni wedding.

Well, my experience with attending weddings (and that was already some decades ago, so vegetarian and not vegan) is that it is normally not a problem to accommodate one person if they know it in advance...

 

[Amy SF]

Well, my perception of people who say they wouldn't attend a vegan wedding and think the bride should put aside her principles to accommodate omnis is that they're spoiled, petulant brats, so I think that's what they'd say when planning their own wedding.

 

[Andy_T]

Well, I hope they state that openly "No, we won't be offering vegan options as we think that vegans are spoiled, petulant brats", so I know which weddings not to attend

 

[AeryFairy]

And I'm sure the same people who wanted the bride to accommodate omnis would think it's ridiculous to accommodate vegans at an omni wedding. "There won't be enough vegans coming to justify it! Too expensive! The caterers don't do that! I don't want tasteless rabbit food at my wedding reception! They can suck it up and eat bread and salad, it's just one meal! If they don't like it, they can just not come!"

To be honest I think that most people who think that she should serve meat are coming from a perspective of "well I'd provide a vegan meal for her so she should provide a non-vegan meal for me", rather than thinking they should be served meat even though they wouldn't cater for a vegan. But it's obviously a false equivalency - they don't have any moral opposition to vegetables.

I'm really glad I stuck to my guns and kept the entire wedding vegan. I considered at one point making it just vegetarian with vegan options (under severe pressure from my mother who was worried the guests would find the food "weird" and wanted me to have a "normal" cake option as well), but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

In the end, pretty much everyone loved the food - we had to ask the caterers to stay later than planned because people were going up for seconds and thirds. Only one person complained about it (repeatedly, which was a bit annoying), and it was a relative of my husband who constantly puts down vegetarianism and veganism, claimed that she was veggie for 10 years and that everyone will realise it's "just a phase", and hid meat in her vegetarian daughter's food for years. So you can imagine what we thought of her opinion

 

[Second Summer]

We had no refusals of the vegan food at our wedding, fortunately. Of course, we are both vegans, and it was mostly just the immediate family and friends who came anyway. (It was a long way to travel for everyone.) Our food wasn't that great to be honest, but there were no complaints. And I was in a state of shock during the whole event (all those people!), so didn't really have the focus to try and enjoy the food anyway.

 

[Mel]

It makes me angry when I read something like this, because the reasons that omnis have for being put off by this are so different for vegans' reasons of being annoyed of not being catered to.

Omnis' morals aren't put into question here, only their tastebuds, and even there, they just don't THINK that the food can be tasty while began. Geeze, it's just one frikkin day.

If I was invited to a no veg option wedding, I'd just eat before going. If I wanted to go that is. I wouldn't make food my main reason for not going.

 

[Andy_T]

I wouldn't make food my main reason for not going.

As a vegan, I possibly would.

 

[Mel]

As a vegan, I possibly would.

It might depend on their attitude over it, but if I actually want to go to this hypothetical wedding, then I probably get along with at least one half of the couple and want to celebrate their day instead of making it about food, or my morals.

If I am thinking of not attending a wedding because of no veg options, then I am probably not that close to the couple in the first place.

That's me though.

 

[Andy_T]

My feeling was, if they are not willing to provide me with vegan options, then that is an indicator that they likely do not feel very close to me ... so yes, exactly, it is the attitude that makes the difference.....

 

[Mel]

My feeling was, if they are not willing to provide me with vegan options, then that is an indicator that they likely do not feel very close to me ... so yes, exactly, it is the attitude that makes the difference.....

That is probably true

 

[Jamie in Chile]

The people who said that they don't want to go, fine, don't come. Save money on the catering.

I think it's fair not to offer a meat option. For one thing, it might provoke someone to think about the issues.

By the way, is this what journalism is reduced to these days. "BigChocFrenzy pointed out that..." Not even a token effort to interview the bride. Not even a "did not respond to request for comment."? Funny thing is a couple of days before the story gets picked up by the Daily Mail someone came on to say that this is heading for Daily Mail territory. Then when it does get picked up by the Daily Mail the mother that put the post actually came on to say the Mail did not contact her.

Pretty poor journalism not to even try to verify the story. Some of the comments suggested that the person was trolling or was actually a journalist posting in the first place to create a story. I don't think that is true in this case actually, but it could be, if no-one checks.

It sounds like the wedding hasn't happened yet. Will be interesting to see if any journalist bothers to get the follow up story.

The comments were interesting to read through, although very very long. The mother eventually comes back and says that they put this on the invites: "Please be aware that the wedding meal will be vegan, which means that no animal products will be used. If you would like to find out more, please visit chooseveg.org" and that links to a website to try and convert people to vegetarians/vegans. Now, that may have been misguided, and it will have annoyed some people. It doesn't excuse people replying to say they are not coming for this reason though. Interestingly there is enough information on the thread that means that anyone who was actually invited to the wedding (assuming it's real) and read all of the comments - especially the one about what was said on the invite, would know that this was the thread for the wedding they were invited to.

 

[ledboots]

My feeling was, if they are not willing to provide me with vegan options, then that is an indicator that they likely do not feel very close to me ... so yes, exactly, it is the attitude that makes the difference.....

I have been to some weddings as a vegan, and I never ask the couple for special food. They have enough to worry about, and if there is nothing vegan for me, I just take whatever pretty vegan thing I brought in my purse and put it on the plate.

When the waiter comes, or at a buffet, I just quietly ask if they have anything for me. Bread, a salad, just something to eat to be social. That's why I always bring something, not that I would starve, but an empty plate makes people uncomfortable.

 

[Andy_T]

I have been to some weddings as a vegan, and I never ask the couple for special food. They have enough to worry about

Ledboots, it might actually be much easier for the couple to place one phone call or email to the caterer so they are aware and have something, then having to try to whip up something for you at the last possible moment...

At least that was my experience when I was still attending weddings as a vegetarian, some 20 years ago...... (I don't choose not to attend weddings on principle, but all my eligible friends married a long time ago. Or, they heard about me being difficult with the menu and stopped inviting me to weddings )

 

[ledboots]

Ledboots, it might actually be much easier for the couple to place one phone call or email to the caterer so they are aware and have something, then having to try to whip up something for you at the last possible moment...

At least that was my experience when I was still attending weddings as a vegetarian, some 20 years ago...... (I don't choose not to attend weddings on principle, but all my eligible friends married a long time ago. Or, they heard about me being difficult with the menu and stopped inviting me to weddings )

I see your point of view, but I don't care about the food, tbh. I'm a good guest, give a nice gift, am one of the first to encourage everyone to dance, etc.

Just don't want to be That Vegan, and I feel like that if I ask for special accommodations for one meal (that will either be tasteless or not actually vegan), so I don't. Just my way, not everyone's.

 

[AeryFairy]

I see your point of view, but I don't care about the food, tbh. I'm a good guest, give a nice gift, am one of the first to encourage everyone to dance, etc.

Just don't want to be That Vegan, and I feel like that if I ask for special accommodations for one meal (that will either be tasteless or not actually vegan), so I don't. Just my way, not everyone's.

I kind of play it by ear. If the couple makes a point of asking about dietary requirements, I speak up. If they don't, then I don't. But in cases where I haven't asked, they've already had something vegan prepared