Transitioning with an unsupportive husband

BevRid

Newcomer
Joined
May 1, 2020
Reaction score
4
Age
29
Location
Evesham
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan
Hi everyone!

I was vegetarian for years before I met my partner (now Husband) and transitioned to being Vegan for about 6 months. He was never against me being vegan or vegetarian but he wouldn’t even consider adding in a few plant-based meals. Slowly, over the next year or so I started eating more non-vegan products until I ended up eating almost everything he did! I know he never encouraged me to do this it just became easier to go along with him!

Anyway, I’ve had enough of feeling awful (emotionally and physically)! I’ve recently gone back to being fully vegan and we’ll just have to figure it out as a family! Does anyone have any advice for transition when you do almost all the cooking but partner won’t eat plant-based more than once or twice a week? This was the reason I stopped being vegan before.

Also, we have a 1 year old daughter and I know I don’t want her to eat meat either, but there is no way my husband would agree to this! Two other babies in her nursery are vegan and my partner just found this absolutely insane! He’s just completely convinced that meat is essential for babies and children! Should I just keep trying to discuss it with him or think about it more when she’s a little older?

Thanks for reading all of this! TIA for any responses!
 
Is meat essential to babies and children? It's a valid question and it shows that he has your child's health in mind by presenting this idea. There might be some validity to it. There might be a good amount of b12 and other growth factors in breastmilk. Maybe breastfeeding is a better option?

Thanks for you response Garrett. I completely understand his concern and whilst I’m not in a major rush to change her whole diet, I would like him to read into in and make an informed opinion in the future. I am currently breastfeeding her and guidelines state that B12 is passed on through breast milk - so as long as I have enough she should too.
 
Welcome, BevRid, and congrats on your return to veganism!

My daughter was "born vegan" as both her mother and I had been vegan for multiple years at that point. She's always been "off the charts" in terms of height and weight for her age. She's also always been way ahead of most of her peers in terms of language: vocabulary, speaking, reading, writing. She's generally awesome, and a giant PITA when she puts her mind to it ...

I suggest reading up on vegan nutrition, join online groups for vegan parents and meet-up groups for vegan families in your area.

Of course, make sure you supplement with B12 and D. The Veg1 supplement (promoted by the Vegan Society) is suitable for 2 y.o. and up. There are others you can take while your daughter is younger, but breast-feeding provides most of what she needs.

As for your husband, different people have different attitudes and beliefs regarding diet, ethics and so on. As you were vegetarian/vegan and he was an omnivore when you met, and you were both fine with that, then there would be an expectation for that to continue. It's usually the mother that decides the diet of the children, as she's usually the one who does the cooking. Therefore, unless he has any actual rational science-based objections - there really aren't any - he just needs to accept your decision about you and your daughter's diets. Meanwhile, I guess you're sort of obligated to continue cooking non-veg meals for him. There are other members here who are in relationships with an omnivore, so perhaps they can provide some advice.
 
Welcome, BevRid, and congrats on your return to veganism!

My daughter was "born vegan" as both her mother and I had been vegan for multiple years at that point. She's always been "off the charts" in terms of height and weight for her age. She's also always been way ahead of most of her peers in terms of language: vocabulary, speaking, reading, writing. She's generally awesome, and a giant PITA when she puts her mind to it ...

I suggest reading up on vegan nutrition, join online groups for vegan parents and meet-up groups for vegan families in your area.

Of course, make sure you supplement with B12 and D. The Veg1 supplement (promoted by the Vegan Society) is suitable for 2 y.o. and up. There are others you can take while your daughter is younger, but breast-feeding provides most of what she needs.

As for your husband, different people have different attitudes and beliefs regarding diet, ethics and so on. As you were vegetarian/vegan and he was an omnivore when you met, and you were both fine with that, then there would be an expectation for that to continue. It's usually the mother that decides the diet of the children, as she's usually the one who does the cooking. Therefore, unless he has any actual rational science-based objections - there really aren't any - he just needs to accept your decision about you and your daughter's diets. Meanwhile, I guess you're sort of obligated to continue cooking non-veg meals for him. There are other members here who are in relationships with an omnivore, so perhaps they can provide some advice.

Thanks, your response has been really reassuring! I know a lot of people raise children vegan, but is nice to here how much your daughter is thriving!

I’ll definitely look into the supplements for her as soon as I’m getting ready to stop (or significantly reduce) breastfeeding.

Hopefully he sees it that way. I just think we’d get so much backlash from his parents that he’d never even try to see my point or view (or any scientific reasoning)!
 
Thanks for you response Garrett. I completely understand his concern and whilst I’m not in a major rush to change her whole diet, I would like him to read into in and make an informed opinion in the future. I am currently breastfeeding her and guidelines state that B12 is passed on through breast milk - so as long as I have enough she should too.
"I want you to read [something_I_dont_like]." Sounds like controlling behavior. Not advisable. Probably not going to have good outcome.

Instead: Listen. Find common ground. Ask questions, and listen.

"You're really concerned about her health… I am too."
"I also want to raise her with compassion."
"Is meat really necessary for babies and children?"
"What are the best reasons why it's important for her to eat meat?"

Due your due diligence and see what benefits there might be to babies and children eating meat. Maybe the iron and protein help brain development. I read breastmilk contains both. I read somewhere that iron supplements might impact gut microbiota.

What alternatives do you offer? I remember reading that soy milk, soy formula, and other non-fermented soy products are pretty bad for babies. IIRC daidzein and genistein have an estrogenic impact and also impact thyroid output.

HTH
 
  • Angry
Reactions: Andy_T
My advice would be to stop having conversations about a difficult subject. Continue to cook plant based as much as you can - for the whole family. When it comes to meat, tell your partner that that side of the equation is going to have to be his responsibility going forward. If he wants to add something to the meal you've fixed, he's welcome to add it. Then start cooking, making plenty for the three of you so that he really doesn't need to contribute anything unless he choses. Look for new recipes, try different cuisines, play with naturally vegan dishes - stir fries, soups, bowls. You might even want to look into some of the newer kinds of plant based meat products, like Beyond Brats and Yves "pepperoni" and add those from time to time so that hubby gets his meat "fix" and may reconsider his contribution to the meal. (Even my father accepts a Beyond Burger from time to time.) (But, you might want to stay away from using a lot of vegan cheeses since these are most likely to be different/disappointing lol).

It's funny how some people can be set in their ways about food. My husband can be too. So be patient, play a long game. It'll get easier with time.
 
  • Like
Reactions: fakei and Veganismo
This vegetarian nutrition guide for infants was published by the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics--which is NOT a vegan leaning group. Brenda David RD has published much on plant based pregnancy, infant and child nutrition.
I have to say, youlll probably always regret not trying to give your baby the best start by promoting plant based from the start. We have so little data of just how much diet plays in health as most of us transitioned later in life

 
You might even want to look into some of the newer kinds of plant based meat products, like Beyond Brats and Yves "pepperoni" and add those from time to time so that hubby gets his meat "fix"

The husband's primary stated concern is the daughter's health.
stop having conversations about a difficult subject

Ignoring the husband's stated concern and the avoiding further communication disrespectfully undermines his intent. Feeding soy-based protein to her daughter, undermines the health of her daughter, as stated.

It's the sort of behavior that makes me want to throw your food in the trash, no matter how much I might have enjoyed it otherwise.
 
  • Angry
Reactions: Andy_T
"I want you to read [something_I_dont_like]." Sounds like controlling behavior. Not advisable. Probably not going to have good outcome.

Instead: Listen. Find common ground. Ask questions, and listen.

"You're really concerned about her health… I am too."
"I also want to raise her with compassion."
"Is meat really necessary for babies and children?"
"What are the best reasons why it's important for her to eat meat?"

Due your due diligence and see what benefits there might be to babies and children eating meat. Maybe the iron and protein help brain development. I read breastmilk contains both. I read somewhere that iron supplements might impact gut microbiota.

What alternatives do you offer? I remember reading that soy milk, soy formula, and other non-fermented soy products are pretty bad for babies. IIRC daidzein and genistein have an estrogenic impact and also impact thyroid output.

HTH

Hi Garrett, and welcome to the forum.

Although your communication advice is valid and appreciated, your nutrition claims are not supported by objective nutrition information.

Breast milk contains almost no iron (per the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention): Do infants get enough iron from breast milk?

The American Academy of Pediatrics generally approves the use of soy-based formulas for infant feeding, with some exceptions:
  1. In term infants, although isolated soy protein-based formulas may be used to provide nutrition for normal growth and development, there are few indications for their use in place of cow milk-based formula. These indications include (a) for infants with galactosemia and hereditary lactase deficiency (rare) and (b) in situations in which a vegetarian diet is preferred.
  2. For infants with documented cow milk protein allergy, extensively hydrolyzed protein formula should be considered, because 10% to 14% of these infants will also have a soy protein allergy.
  3. Most previously well infants with acute gastroenteritis can be managed after rehydration with continued use of human milk or standard dilutions of cow milk-based formulas. Isolated soy protein-based formulas may be indicated when secondary lactose intolerance occurs.
  4. Isolated soy protein-based formula has no advantage over cow milk protein-based formula as a supplement for the breastfed infant, unless the infant has 1 of the indications noted previously.
  5. Soy protein-based formulas are not designed for or recommended for preterm infants.
  6. The routine use of isolated soy protein-based formula has no proven value in the prevention or management of infantile colic or fussiness.
  7. Infants with documented cow milk protein-induced enteropathy or enterocolitis frequently are as sensitive to soy protein and should not be given isolated soy protein-based formula. They should be provided formula derived from hydrolyzed protein or synthetic amino acids.
  8. The routine use of isolated soy protein-based formula has no proven value in the prevention of atopic disease in healthy or high-risk infants.
.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Andy_T
The husband's primary stated concern is the daughter's health.


Ignoring the husband's stated concern and the avoiding further communication disrespectfully undermines his intent. Feeding soy-based protein to her daughter, undermines the health of her daughter, as stated.

It's the sort of behavior that makes me want to throw your food in the trash, no matter how much I might have enjoyed it otherwise.

.
As the American Academy of Pediatrics has stated, soy-based formulas are generally approved for infants, with some exceptions. Please see my post and link above.

.
 
Last edited:
Thanks for you response Garrett. I completely understand his concern and whilst I’m not in a major rush to change her whole diet, I would like him to read into in and make an informed opinion in the future. I am currently breastfeeding her and guidelines state that B12 is passed on through breast milk - so as long as I have enough she should too.

Hi BevRid,

The American Academy of Pediatrics has stated that properly-planned vegetarian diets can be a healthy option for children: Vegetarian Diets for Children .

No mainstream health organization has stated that meat is essential for children's healthy development.

Because early childhood is a time of critical growth, it's advisable for you to plan your child's vegetarian diet with the help of a Registered Dietitian (RD) who specializes in pediatric nutrition and in vegetarian nutrition. Nobody here in this forum is an RD, but you can find a local Registered Dietitian through the website of the British Dietetic Association: Freelance Dietitians Group | BDA | Freelance Dietitians UK
.
 
Last edited:
My advice would be to stop having conversations about a difficult subject.

It's funny how some people can be set in their ways about food. My husband can be too. So be patient, play a long game. It'll get easier with time.

.
Is it fair to simply "stop" discussing a child's nutrition with a concerned spouse?

Is it a game?
.
 
.
Is it fair to simply "stop" discussing a child's nutrition with a concerned spouse?

Is it a game?
.
I think she meant that directed towards the husband, not the baby!
This is a tough one and of course now too late to properly address! Sounds like it's your nature to be the one to give in, as was in my case when I married. I turned "mostly vegetarian" , and really didn't fight for how our babies were fed.
If I were to have to make that decision now.....would be a very different outcome, and probably lead to divorce! So much more research on what role nutrition play in health, and how much our dna is changed by how and what we eat.
Honestly, if you want to come to a good compromise, agree on all organic, pastured meat or fish that meets the sustainable guidelines, and set limits to how much.
I would not be the one to cook it either, as you are not the one to approve.

A very very good read that goes into so much than weight loss is Dr Michael Gregers newest book How Not to Diet. It delves into the evidence based research of how our diet affects every aspect of ourselves, from birth on up
 
This is a tough one and of course now too late to properly address! Sounds like it's your nature to be the one to give in, as was in my case when I married.

Not really. It's in my nature to marry carefully, to minimize worst-case conflicts.
.
 
  • Like
Reactions: fakei
Thanks, your response has been really reassuring! I know a lot of people raise children vegan, but is nice to here how much your daughter is thriving!
Glad I could help! I should add that our daughter's height/weight at least in part should be attributed to both parents being tall-ish, she was born late so had the advantage of an extra week on the inside, she was breastfed until 2 y.o. or so, and we've never held back too much on high calorie foods, soya products or fake meats etc. Basically, as long as it's vegan, we're fine with it... within reason and some minor restrictions, like avoiding high fructose cornsyrup, most artificial sweeteners and sugary fizzy-drinks.

I’ll definitely look into the supplements for her as soon as I’m getting ready to stop (or significantly reduce) breastfeeding.
You may want to look into vitamin D supplements before then as breastmilk becomes insufficient at some point.
 
  • Like
  • Informative
Reactions: KLS52 and fakei
Thanks Everyone for your replies!

Indian Summer, when my baby was more I was told by the midwife that vitamin D can’t pass through breast milk so she has been getting drops every day 😊. I am also planning on breast feeding her until 2+ years (I don’t think she’s let me stop now 😂)!

David 3, In regards to the Soya Formula.. it just happens that my daughter has a cow milk protein allergy that we found out about when she was 6 months (the first and only time she tried formula). Soy was suggest by our doctor as the substitute, but I was breast feeding so there was no need for it at that point. When we started weaning her onto solid foods, we gave her vegan custard.. turned out she was also allergic to soya! following the doctors plan to reintroduce dairy we’ve been progressing through the ‘milk ladder’ but using soy based products first (recommenced by her dietician) and now she can eat anything containing soy, but I don’t want to introduce her to dairy.. she hasn’t had any her entire life (except that one incident) and she thriving with soy, coconut and oat milks! I think that is why my husband wants her eating meat, because she’s already dairy free and he thinks she’s missing too many nutrients if she avoids both dairy and meat - no amount of clear evidence and research will change his mind unfortunately!

Poppy and Silva, thanks for the advice! I definitely want her to have the best start and my research shows a clear winner on that front! I’ll definitely try giving my husband more vegan ‘meats’ and see how it goes! I have tried Vegan cheeses before.. I’ll be avoiding those 😂
 
  • Like
Reactions: KLS52
Hi everyone!

I was vegetarian for years before I met my partner (now Husband) and transitioned to being Vegan for about 6 months. He was never against me being vegan or vegetarian but he wouldn’t even consider adding in a few plant-based meals. Slowly, over the next year or so I started eating more non-vegan products until I ended up eating almost everything he did! I know he never encouraged me to do this it just became easier to go along with him!

Anyway, I’ve had enough of feeling awful (emotionally and physically)! I’ve recently gone back to being fully vegan and we’ll just have to figure it out as a family! Does anyone have any advice for transition when you do almost all the cooking but partner won’t eat plant-based more than once or twice a week? This was the reason I stopped being vegan before.

Also, we have a 1 year old daughter and I know I don’t want her to eat meat either, but there is no way my husband would agree to this! Two other babies in her nursery are vegan and my partner just found this absolutely insane! He’s just completely convinced that meat is essential for babies and children! Should I just keep trying to discuss it with him or think about it more when she’s a little older?

Thanks for reading all of this! TIA for any responses!
Your husband should respect your beliefs even if he doesn't agree with them. Unfortunately, many men have the same attitude, which is one reason I'm no particular fan of my own sex. My advice to you is to just do your own thing and ignore what your husband does. Not easy I know, but what choice do you have?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Andy_T