Thanksgiving woes..

[JamieVA]

This will be my second Thanksgiving with my soon-to-be in-laws. They are always incredibly accommodating whenever we go visit them, especially considering they are "country folk" who grew up on farms and live off meat and potato diets. My fiance's mother went out of her way last year to make 3-4 vegan-friendly dishes (even though I insisted I would be fine with what I was bringing), and she always has something vegan that she's made or purchased for me every single time we go visit. They wanted to do something different this year, so they booked a nice little cottage in a beach town a few hours away, for all of us to stay in for a few days. Sounded great to me and I was actually pretty excited to spend some time with everyone; we only get to see them once every few months because they live a few hours away. Here's the kicker.. they've made reservations at a local restaurant that is holding a Thanksgiving Day buffet, with the mindset that everyone can enjoy the trip and dinner without slaving over an oven. It's a raw bar and grille. They have posted their holiday menu and there is not a single thing on the menu, even as far as side dishes, that is vegan-friendly. The buffet is $35 a head and my fiance's father is paying for everyone. They acknowledged that I probably wouldn't have a lot of options and that we could make sure I eat something else ahead of time (I doubt they realize there is *nothing* I can eat), but this isn't really the same to me. The entire holiday revolves around eating with your family. I am going to be sitting at a table, in a restaurant, with everyone around me eating, with absolutely nothing in front of me. And will be having someone pay $35 for me to do so (I could offer for day but they would not let me pay for anything)... It sounds uncomfortable and embarrassing and honestly I'm absolutely dreading the experience. And I know the people around you always feel uncomfortable in these situations too. I've always survived these kinds of things fine by bringing my own food, or if we're eating in a non-veg-friendly place, just eating ahead of time, but this just seems totally different since it's Thanksgiving. Does anyone have any advice? The whole thought of this dinner has my anxiety tearing up my stomach. I'm so close to cancelling on the trip but I know I would really be letting my fiance down, and I don't want to make them feel bad about doing something they want to do, for a trip they've totally planned and paid for, for their family that I'm not even officially a part of yet.

 

[Emma JC]

I would suggest calling restaurant and explaining the situation and asking if they have any suggestions they can make. If it is a 'raw' bar and grille I am not sure how there can't be vegan options. It is likely that the restaurant would have had this situation in the past and may have some great options for you.

Let us know what they say.

Emma JC

Edit: I get it now, raw pertains to the seafood/oysters - I don't know which bar and grill you are going to, however, I did look up one in that area and they do offer a 'vegetarian' option which could be veganized, most likely. A roasted vegetable/pasta with a side salad etc should be an option no matter where you go.

 

[JamieVA]

Unfortunately not an option My fiancé did try to call and see what they might have. They suggested I eat the feta cheese salad on the buffet, they don’t seem to know what vegan is and didn’t seem to understand even after it was explained (or care much). In addition, they are open exclusively for the Thanksgiving buffet and will not have the kitchen running for regular menu items, custom requests are a definite no-go.

 

[Forest Nymph]

Hmmm honestly I find this kind of thing obnoxious. Not you - them. They know you're vegan, they're insisting on taking you to a fancy holiday buffet, where you won't be able to eat anything. It's a subtle way of trying to guilt you into eating cheese for a day or some garbage like that. I wouldn't go. I would tell my fiance I'm sorry but no, tell your family I'm not feeling well if you're the type who won't be honest. I'd probably be honest. I'd be like "sorry fiance's parents, I can't join you because you've chosen a place where I can't eat" or I'd have my fiance tell them if me doing so would cause problems for him.

 

[Veggie-based Heathen]

What if you made arrangements with the restaurant ahead of time to bring your own food? Perhaps something they could just plate for you (like a salad, or another food that doesn't require heating) and bring it out to you? Or maybe something they could just microwave? If you're paying $35 just to go, it seems like they should at least be willing to accommodate that. Maybe, if possible, you could even drop it off ahead of time and then they'll bring it out to you when you get there so there isn't the awkward "bringing food to a restaurant" ordeal.

Sorry you're in this situation.

 

[TofuRobot]

I'm a little late to this game, but I'm with Forest Nymph and/or Heathen - I would either not go (I'm old enough where I am perfectly comfortable turning down invitations and not caring about how people respond to that) or bring my own food. I guarantee if you don't show up they will remember it for a long time and might change their approach next time. Or better, next time host your own cruelty-free Thanksgiving - disallowing any animal-based "food" into your home. If they don't want to come, their loss. ...

But since it's now Saturday - how did it go?