People don't understand &/or respect veganism

[Deleted member 10066]

Hey.
I'm new to this site. How is everyone? I am looking to connect with someone who understands feeling alone and unsupported in their commitment to veganism.
I sometimes feel like my loved ones are resentful toward me. They act like it is a huge inconvenience for them that I don't eat or exploit animals. They say they totally understand. Then they seem to get angry with me.
I am tired of people not caring enough. I am sick of the hypocrisy.
My dog had a vet appointment today. As I sat waiting in the exam room, I could hear all the employees up front discussing where they would go for lunch. They discussed salads w/ bacon and bbq joints. How do they not see the irony it that? These people work to save the lives of some animals, then eat the dead bodies of other animals.
I just don't get it.

 

[Ahimsa]

Hey.
I'm new to this site. How is everyone? I am looking to connect with someone who understands feeling alone and unsupported in their commitment to veganism.
I sometimes feel like my loved ones are resentful toward me. They act like it is a huge inconvenience for them that I don't eat or exploit animals. They say they totally understand. Then they seem to get angry with me.
I am tired of people not caring enough. I am sick of the hypocrisy.
My dog had a vet appointment today. As I sat waiting in the exam room, I could hear all the employees up front discussing where they would go for lunch. They discussed salads w/ bacon and bbq joints. How do they not see the irony it that? These people work to save the lives of some animals, then eat the dead bodies of other animals.
I just don't get it.

I quite understand. You can get quite isolated as an ethical vegan, precisely for the reasons you've mentioned. However, this is the life we have chosen and we're better humans because if it. Try and make as many vegan friends as you can, but don't expect to get on with all of them! Lol.

 

[IC_]

I understand this very well, another example is my grandmother donating a lot of money to an organization that helps rescued animals, and then telling me how good her dinner tasted...
Most "normal" people probably don't even think where meat comes from, and this results in a lot of dumb things and hypocrisy like you mentioned. Recently I was at my grandmother's house for a few hours and she asked me if I wanted some bread with cheese, I had to remind her two or three times before she remembered what cheese is made out of. You could say it's because of age, but I think it can be the same for a lot of younger people. Things like this result in a lot of conflicts when I'm with my family, it's hard for me to call them my family at this point.

 

[Deleted member 10066]

That is difficult. No. It is maddening. I do wonder why it is so hard for others to grasp. Yes, you could say age is a factor, but you are right about the rest too. People of all ages have been so severely conditioned that they don't want to see the truth.
It's even harder when you are dealing with family. For me, it feels like family members don't have respect for my stance. So that feels like they don't respect me. The hope for family(aside from them having empathy for the animal victims and ultimately changing their ways)is they at least be supportive of my feelings and how important this is to me.
Maybe they are trying, but I have trouble understanding why, after seeing and hearing all the facts, I am still alone in making the compassionate choice. How is it a no brainer for me, and not for the people I am related to?

 

[Ahimsa]

I understand this very well, another example is my grandmother donating a lot of money to an organization that helps rescued animals, and then telling me how good her dinner tasted...
Most "normal" people probably don't even think where meat comes from, and this results in a lot of dumb things and hypocrisy like you mentioned. Recently I was at my grandmother's house for a few hours and she asked me if I wanted some bread with cheese, I had to remind her two or three times before she remembered what cheese is made out of. You could say it's because of age, but I think it can be the same for a lot of younger people. Things like this result in a lot of conflicts when I'm with my family, it's hard for me to call them my family at this point.

You need more empathy than average to be a vegan. Most people only have enough for family, friends and pets etc but when it comes to extending it to include those not in their circle, humans prove to be lacking. I think empathy is rather like a muscle, it can be developed from what we have originally but it can't be developed if, as in the case of psychopaths, there's nothing there in the first place.

 

[IC_]

That is difficult. No. It is maddening. I do wonder why it is so hard for others to grasp. Yes, you could say age is a factor, but you are right about the rest too. People of all ages have been so severely conditioned that they don't want to see the truth.
It's even harder when you are dealing with family. For me, it feels like family members don't have respect for my stance. So that feels like they don't respect me. The hope for family(aside from them having empathy for the animal victims and ultimately changing their ways)is they at least be supportive of my feelings and how important this is to me.
Maybe they are trying, but I have trouble understanding why, after seeing and hearing all the facts, I am still alone in making the compassionate choice. How is it a no brainer for me, and not for the people I am related to?

That's a really hard question to answer, it's hard to understand humanity in general.
My family mostly tries to respect me, but when they start cooking pieces of a dead animal in front of me and can't wait a few minutes until I leave the kitchen, it's hard for me to respect them and think that they do actually respect and care about me.

 

[Deleted member 10066]

That's a really hard question to answer, it's hard to understand humanity in general.
My family mostly tries to respect me, but when they start cooking pieces of a dead animal in front of me and can't wait a few minutes until I leave the kitchen, it's hard for me to respect them and think that they do actually respect and care about me.

Yes! Exactly! That is what I am saying. It's like people try to push your boudaries. It's like they are only supportive when it is convenient for them to be. Then they turn around and force it on you. How is that supportive or respectful? It feels more combative to me.

 

[Emma JC]

Maybe they are trying, but I have trouble understanding why, after seeing and hearing all the facts, I am still alone in making the compassionate choice. How is it a no brainer for me, and not for the people I am related to?

hello and welcome to the forum

You don't say what your age is or how long you have been vegan. That might be helpful to know to help you put it into perspective.

Those of us that are north of 50 mostly didn't even know what veganism was until much later in life and then when we did find out it took a number of years and a lot of 'falling off the wagon' and getting back on again to make it to where we are today. I did not know of or have any close friends/acquaintances that were vegan for all of my life and other than my spouse and his daughter, still don't. I do not live close to my family however when I do see them they are very accommodating and I also supply good vegan foods/cook for them so we do not have any confrontations.

There are many issues to deal with in life, especially these days, and for some people they just don't have the bandwidth to deal with such a huge life change.

I would suggest that, for your own peace of mind, you stop taking their behaviours as a personal affront to you. Be a good example to them including kindness, compassion and understanding and when/where you can, offer them tasty and healthy alternatives. Compassion can be extended towards humans, just like to the animals. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

Emma JC
Find your vegan soulmate or just a friend. www.spiritualmatchmaking.com

 

[Lou]

How is it a no brainer for me, and not for the people I am related to?

Hello, and welcome to the site.

Your first issue, about feeling alone has quite a few solutions. The first one that comes to mind is to spend a few minutes here in this forum. You might search for other threads similar to this one and see what others have had to say. There are also opportunities IRL to meet vegans. We can talk about that later - not much you can do now with the stay-at-home order anyway.

The other issue I will address right now. First I will mention that Emma's advice is very good and I only have some things to add to it.

You are not alone in these feelings. As others have already expressed. Many others before you have started similar threads. The following is the advice I gave to the last person who expressed this frustration.

----

One vegan advocate that has some good advice that might work for you is Dr. Melanie Joy. She has written books that you might be able to buy or borrow. She has given Ted Talks and she has made some YouTubes, too.

This video is a great place to start. It addresses your issues and is really short.
-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M42nwvIpOLA

I think this video is a good introduction to Dr. Joy and where she is coming from. It probably isn't as relevant to your issues as some of her others but I like it because it's personal and animated.
-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao2GL3NAWQU

Another good clip is when Earthling Ed interviews her.
-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-vyFKvlus8

Maybe the most relevant video to your issues is the one that was done at an animal rights conference. ( I thought I saw her do a Ted conference once, but I can't find that one). This one is also very long so I didn't put it on the top of my list.
-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVnGqibEWVQ&t=54s

She expresses herself much better than I can so I hope you take the time and check some of her stuff out.

 

[Thundergleep]

I had literally the same thought at a vet clinic.

It was the beginning of the pandemic and I was buying my cats prescription food. While I was waiting the employees were all chatting about needing to stock up on chicken and beef in their freezers. Here I am thinking about the freezer they have full of dead cats and dogs in the back and they don't even see the comparison. Not to mention that people eating meat started the pandemic in the first place.

I'll stick with my bags of dry rice and beans, thank you. It's much better survival food anyway.

 

[Deleted member 10066]

I had literally the same thought at a vet clinic.

It was the beginning of the pandemic and I was buying my cats prescription food. While I was waiting the employees were all chatting about needing to stock up on chicken and beef in their freezers. Here I am thinking about the freezer they have full of dead cats and dogs in the back and they don't even see the comparison. Not to mention that people eating meat started the pandemic in the first place.

I'll stick with my bags of dry rice and beans, thank you. It's much better survival food anyway.

Absolutely! I appreciate that there are others who can relate. Thank you.

 

[Sproutskies]

Being a noob Vegan at close to 4 months now I can especially relate to the resentment of loved ones. I come from a family of mostly business people, lawyers, and intellectuals (sometimes surprised by the level of success and ability to problem solve). Everyone is very set on their beliefs and life choices. One of the best things that has helped me is to meet (not a pun) them where they are at and slowly give a nudge or a solid logical train of thought into what this lifestyle is all about.

Showing too much emotion towards.. or any investment in them having to cater to my beliefs is too much to ask and always seems like it creates resistance back. Instead I'm listening to, for ex/, my dad talk on the phone about the tuna sandwich he just ate and that he's going to eat x, y, and z later. My response is usually neutral. This sets the stage to talk openly about what's going on in my life and removes any defensiveness to the conversation. It has signaled to him that I'm too confident in myself to really care or get sucked into the games. Then I've mentioned to him how I'm feeling sharper than ever and getting tons of nutrients, protein, ...
Since he could care less about the ethics it's more important to keep everything about being Vegan more on the point of health. Over the past few months he's starting to listen and saying things like maybe he should reduce his meat consumption.

There are also going to be those people/family who are not going to listen to anything you say or who are going to make jokes and try to make you feel small. Giving these people less attention and nurturing the closer relationships seem like it's been my best strategy.

This is a worthwhile battle and you are a warrior doing your best. Don't for a second let these people get under your skin. Slowly dissolve ignorance around the edges by playing the long game. Win hearts before trying wining minds. You get to decide how other people treat you by being a role model example towards them. You got this.

 

[KellJ]

I had literally the same thought at a vet clinic.

It was the beginning of the pandemic and I was buying my cats prescription food. While I was waiting the employees were all chatting about needing to stock up on chicken and beef in their freezers. Here I am thinking about the freezer they have full of dead cats and dogs in the back and they don't even see the comparison. Not to mention that people eating meat started the pandemic in the first place.

I'll stick with my bags of dry rice and beans, thank you. It's much better survival food anyway.

 

[Genuinethedude]

They resent Veganism because they are being told that they are morally wrong by you simply by your actions. They also resent Veganism because most people have huge cognitive dissonance when it comes to animals. Most people love animals, and could never hurt any of them except perhaps insects or arachnids and even then, most will dispatch an insect as quickly as possible. They went through huge mental gymnastics to be able to eat meat facilitated by the meat industry and the government who by means of the USDA supports the meat industry. Almost everyone knows eating meat is morally reprehensible, but does it anyways. Those vets are running at absolute maximum cognitive dissonance. 99.99% chance if they came across an injured pig or cow their very first reaction would be to help it, to get it stabilized and provide first aid, not butcher it, chop it up, conveniently package it, and freeze it.

Now as a Vegan you are producing a clear viable alternative, and proving people wrong. No it doesn't take a herculean willpower effort to be Vegan. If I can do it, anyone can. You are basically pointing out that people are literally hiring someone to kill for their temporary pleasure, and the truth hurts. Saying something like that makes people hyper-defensive.

 

[anarchist100]

Hey.
I'm new to this site. How is everyone? I am looking to connect with someone who understands feeling alone and unsupported in their commitment to veganism.
I sometimes feel like my loved ones are resentful toward me. They act like it is a huge inconvenience for them that I don't eat or exploit animals. They say they totally understand. Then they seem to get angry with me.
I am tired of people not caring enough. I am sick of the hypocrisy.
My dog had a vet appointment today. As I sat waiting in the exam room, I could hear all the employees up front discussing where they would go for lunch. They discussed salads w/ bacon and bbq joints. How do they not see the irony it that? These people work to save the lives of some animals, then eat the dead bodies of other animals.
I just don't get it.

The reason people don't like veganism is because it states that things that people have done all their life and have just accepted as normal are evil, therefor they see it *** an attack against them personally.

 

[Lou]

I got this article today (and read it). some good points along the ones we have made here.

Eating Animals ❧ Current Affairs

<p>A former vegan explains how she developed a more “nuanced” view.</p>

www.currentaffairs.org

 

[Thundergleep]

I got this article today (and read it). some good points along the ones we have made here.

Eating Animals ❧ Current Affairs

<p>A former vegan explains how she developed a more “nuanced” view.</p>

www.currentaffairs.org

I read it, it's interesting. I don't agree with what I believe the overall point is though. It seems to be saying that we need to advocate for systemic changes as opposed to focusing on our own small changes, but I see no systemic change WITHOUT change from the people, and a communal desire for change. It's true that alienating yourself from your friends and family is a problem, but we also need to not fear change. New traditions are invented all the time, and if you realize that your current traditions don't align with your values, make a change. As for the workers and indigenous people, I think most vegans would agree that people need to be treated fairly and have thier needs met (even if that requires eating meat, for people around the world that require it to survive). But indigenous people hunting to live doesn't justify well-to-do people exploiting animals for pleasure. The world is a mess, and it will take systemic change to fix it, but that doesn't mean we can't do anything to drive the change.

 

[silva]

I got this article today (and read it). some good points along the ones we have made here.

Eating Animals ❧ Current Affairs

<p>A former vegan explains how she developed a more “nuanced” view.</p>

www.currentaffairs.org

That was truly horrible but I'm too tired to respond now

 

[CorinnaClaire]

I quite understand. You can get quite isolated as an ethical vegan, precisely for the reasons you've mentioned. However, this is the life we have chosen and we're better humans because if it. Try and make as many vegan friends as you can, but don't expect to get on with all of them! Lol.

I understand how you feel. I am a very easy going person and I never flaunt my ethically vegan way of life at the people around me. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop them from doing it to me with animal products. It can be painful watching them chomp, gobble, slurp, rub their bellies and laugh in my face. But I would rather feel that pain then become desensitized to the suffering of others or use the very life of others for my base enjoyments and appetite.

 

[Humble Carrot]

Hey.
I'm new to this site. How is everyone? I am looking to connect with someone who understands feeling alone and unsupported in their commitment to veganism.
I sometimes feel like my loved ones are resentful toward me. They act like it is a huge inconvenience for them that I don't eat or exploit animals. They say they totally understand. Then they seem to get angry with me.
I am tired of people not caring enough. I am sick of the hypocrisy.
My dog had a vet appointment today. As I sat waiting in the exam room, I could hear all the employees up front discussing where they would go for lunch. They discussed salads w/ bacon and bbq joints. How do they not see the irony it that? These people work to save the lives of some animals, then eat the dead bodies of other animals.
I just don't get it.

I'm sorry that you feel alone and isolated. But I want you to know that I got your back. You can always message me if you need to vent. I fully support you.
Also, your Vegan lifestyle is truly NOBLE. You have love and compassion in your heart for all animals. Not just the ones that our culture accepts as pets.

It's unfortunate that your friends and family do not respect your lifestyle. They don't have to understand it (I wish they would) but at least love and respect you for your beliefs.

I understand your frustration with people that will love a dog yet eat a cow. These gentle and intelligent sentient beings wish us no harm and offer us kindness and friendship. Yet, our society enslaves, imprisons, and murders them because "it taste good". I wish everyday that people's hearts will change and they will see that all animals deserve our love and protection. Peace starts on our plate. If we have no love for animals, how can we have love for one another?

Keep fighting for what is right. I applaud your strength and resolve.

Ky