EP90

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Hi there, I am new to this forum and desperately seeking some advice from like minded people. I became a vegetarian at the age of 12 and decided to live a vegan lifestyle 3 years ago now. Being a vegan is extremely important to me. I come from a family of meat eaters however my mum is now a vegetarian and I am raising my 5 year old daughter as a vegetarian. I am beginning to introduce her to my vegan values and explain why I have made certain choices to help her understand why I don’t eat some of the things that she currently does. I’ve found she has always understood the concept of not eating animals but struggled to fully understand what exactly comes from animals so I decided not to put this pressure on her at such a young age. She is a proud vegetarian and knows that I am vegan. Eventually I’m sure she’ll fully grasp the difference.

I have already waffled on quite a bit! Many apologies! I’ll get to my main issue now. I am not with my daughters father but I am with a new partner who I have been with for nearly two years. When we first met he made a conscious effort to try veganism and was vegetarian for a number of weeks. It was a new relationship and I respected him massively for cutting out meat and I thought he seemed to understand my reasons for being a vegan. He was a big meat eater before we met and sadly he is eating meat once again. A lot of meat. Our fridge and freezer are now always well stocked with meat. I am finding it incredibly hard to deal with.

I have raised this with him on a couple of occasions but he basically just says that he’s not changing. I shouldn’t expect him to change but I find it so upsetting and disrespectful of my beliefs. It makes me feel so distant from him. His blatant ignorance is so offensive to me but he just doesn’t seem to ‘get that’. Any advice on how I can deal with this issue would be greatly received as I am struggling to get past it and due to my ethical and moral values I do not believe I should have to get past it! But as time goes on it feels like it is becoming increasingly difficult to address. I do not think I can carry on overlooking his consumption of animals but he has made it clear that he loves meat and will not change his diet. And I guess why should he? I don’t want him to feel like he’s been given an ultimatum. I’d be interested to hear from anyone who may have had a similar experience or currently in the same boat. From my perspective it is putting a huge wedge between us but I feel like it has become tricky for me to put this across to him in a constructive, non dictating way.

Sorry for the long post!! Thanks for your time if you made it to the end! Please help!
 
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silva

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You don't make it sound as though he's disrespecting your choices but asserting his own.
You have to decide what YOU want for yourself and your daughter.
What I have a problem with is it doesn't sound like he ever really changed, but something you're now taking issue with?
It's certainly best to know sooner rather than later how your life is going to be like. Living with someone is always a compromise, but what you're willing to compromise is what you need to come to terms with.
Of course your daughter is your first priority
 

EP90

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You don't make it sound as though he's disrespecting your choices but asserting his own.
You have to decide what YOU want for yourself and your daughter.
What I have a problem with is it doesn't sound like he ever really changed, but something you're now taking issue with?
It's certainly best to know sooner rather than later how your life is going to be like. Living with someone is always a compromise, but what you're willing to compromise is what you need to come to terms with.
Of course your daughter is your first priority
Thank you for your reply Silva. It is much appreciated. To be honest it is something that I have always had an issue with as I am passionate about my reasons for being vegan but it has got to the stage where I am questioning whether or not I want to continue living together. I’m finding it so difficult to make a decision. I love him and he is a wonderful person in so many ways but he is very assertive and can be uncompromising at times which can make life hard for me sometimes!
 
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KLS52

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I feel like you know what you need to do but you’re having a hard time coming to terms with it. It doesn’t sound like you want to make a life with someone who eats meat and he’s clearly telling you that he intends to do so. Can he change his mind? Sure. But you can’t continue a relationship in the hopes that he will because what happens a few years from now when/if he doesn’t?

I do understand that you love him and it would be hard to break it off. But at some point you are the only one who can decide what you want/need in a relationship going forward. It is good to talk it out though and here is as good a place as any. 😊

I live with omni husband and adult son. It’s not that hard for me because I was already married for 30 years before giving up meat and then dairy and eggs. I don’t like that they eat meat but it’s something I can overlook based on our history. It’s been 16 years now. It would be easy for me to say let him be, especially if you love him and he is a good person. But I don’t know how I would feel if I were younger and just starting out. My convictions may have been stronger then if I wasn’t so deeply embedded in the relationship yet.

I don’t envy your having to make such a decision. I would just say follow your heart and what you feel is most important to you. Just don’t let some overly idealism cloud your judgment. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise that you can both live with. Good luck!
 

EP90

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Hi Kls52, thank you for your response. I think you’re right in saying I am having trouble coming to terms with the decision I think I need to make. I can’t bear the thought of hurting him but deep down I feel like there’s some things that aren’t right between us and constantly trying to look past his meat consumption is taking its toll on me for sure. Before we got together and after I separated from my daughters father I always said that if I was to meet someone else then they would have to be vegan. When we met my current partner tried but he now eats more meat than ever! 😫
 

Freesia

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There is eating meat, and there is eating lots of meat... a matter of degrees.. i would struggle with loads of it around too...
 
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EP90

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Thank you for your response. It’s really helpful to get advice from people who understand where I’m coming from. My partners a good person but I have been questioning our core values and beliefs for a while now so perhaps you’re right. Easier said than done though!
 

Freesia

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Its hard. i would date an omni because veg people only 4% of population... that would be the ideal but the numbers arent on my side.

but i would not be able to date someome who is a meat lover... maybe someone who doesnt eat a lot? A pescetarian? I would not cook it for them anyway...

luckily i dont have to wory about this right now.
 
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Sproutskies

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Maybe before you would break up, if planning to do so, just give him the understanding that you guys are drifting apart because of how you guys have some differing core values and that you are considering moving out/asking him to leave. He may not understand the relationship consequences yet and giving him some lead time might help in having you be heard and give him a chance to decide losing you is not worth it.

It sounds like he's pretty stubborn so maybe wait until you have your mind mostly made up about breaking up so it will not be as devastating if he chooses meat over you.
 

Blues

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I wouldn’t be in a hurry to split with him .
Can you talk it through so he sees where you are coming from and come to a compromise on his part and have a minimum of one meal a week vegan .
Something he like’s.