My non-vegan friend may have been lying to me about watching some vegan videos for a month

Nda Formus

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Note that my problem is the possible fibbing that would signify little to no value for our friendship/respect for me and it would've been okay if she said she wouldn't watch the videos.

I drive my non-vegan friend home just about daily Mon-Fri. We talk a lot on the drives and some time ago, she said something about the climate worsening and I reminded her that I told her how impactful animal agriculture is when it comes to climate change and that veganism is the best way to fight climate change. We reintroduced the topic of veganism to our conversations, discussing it a few times and one notable excuse about for not going vegan she gave me was that veganism is expensive. I told her it wasn't, but then she said something else to counter what i said that I can't remember. So a month ago now, I shared 3 videos with her debunking the uneducated justification.

I asked her if she'd seen the videos I linked her next time I took her home. She said no, but that she would watch them. The second time I ask her, she says no again and I should have the expectation she won't and she'll tell me when she's watched them so I can be surprised. It was another long time before I asked her again and it was the same answer. I asked her 1-2 times a week since then. Last Friday was when spring break was to start. When I asked her about the videos, she told me she'd watch them in the car the next day since she was traveling. Well, I asked her again today, and once more, the response is no. I've already informed her of my diminishing trust in her about this when it had been a week (?) and I told her I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth when she said she'd watch, but she still reassured me. Her reasons for not watching had been that she was busy or watching "Surviving R. Kelly." Today when I asked her what happened, she just said, "A lot."

My friend should know that I will not forget about something concerning something important to me like veganism, so I think she must know I won't eventually forget about the videos and stop asking her. She knows that serious dishonesty will quickly get you cut off with me because it had happened to someone else in a past friend group of ours. Thinking these two things, I've been giving her the benefit of the doubt, but today I realized I've been doing that for way too long. I've been suspecting that she just wants to be willfully ignorant and keep believing her excuse that "veganism is too expensive" to continue eating what she's eating.

"Why are you so busy? Do you have no free time? " "So you could watch R. Kelly, but not what I shared with you? " "So you say, [A lot] happened over break? What could've happened to prevent you from watching one of the 3 videos (one being approx 3/4, another 4/5, and the last 12 min.) on the car ride?" "There was really so much that happened that you couldn't take 5 minutes out of a single day of 9 to watch one?" These are the questions I should have asked.

I don't know how to deeply question her to get to the bottom of what's been going on with her and find out if she's been bullshitting me the whole time. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you just ask the questions I said I should've?
 

Sax

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Hey, I'm in MO too :)

It sounds like you're pushing this stuff on her way too hard. She obviously doesn't want to watch these videos, and I'm guessing she doesn't want to jeopardize her transportation by telling you that.

Don't push an agenda when she's a captive audience, don't make demands on her free time and don't interrogate her about all this.

Some people just aren't going to be receptive. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink".
 

Nda Formus

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She has someone else to drive her when I don't, so she'll be fine. Anyway, as I said at the beginning of my post, It would've been fine if she told me she wasn't gonna watch the videos because I already know from past experience that most people don't care about the impacts of their diet and that my problem is the possibility of dishonesty.
 
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Nekodaiden

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I completely agree with Sax.

You can't force people to change their mind or become open to something, and it sounds like your providing a ride is being used as leverage in an attempt to do this. All you will likely achieve is to turn her off to veganism. If your only reason for giving her a ride is in the hope of converting her, then stop.

If instead she is bringing up a subject that relates, this is different. I have this happen at work. Currently, I work with a woman who is always talking about food. What she eats, makes for her family, etc. So naturally, I've engaged with her on the subject and it's given me an opportunity to express my views. I've also provided informative websites if she is interested further - but that's where I leave it.

If she wishes to continue to talk about the animal products she eats, I'll always have a reply ready. So either she will learn not to talk about this subject, or she'll just have to accept that if she does she'll be exposed to a different viewpoint.

I perceive that likely a major difference in our scenarios is that I have no interest at all in this woman. She is just someone I work with right now, and not someone I'd be involved with otherwise. If the female you are giving a ride to is someone you are interested in, and she obviously does not want to look into it, then this should affect your interest level in her, and you should stifle the desire to dominate. She isn't open to being what you want. If she's lying to you, then there's another reason not to be interested. I don't tolerate liars in my life either, nor keep/maintain friendships with people who lie to me. So another reason interest level should drop. Why get angry? Turn your attention and interest away or to someone else.
 

TofuRobot

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I am struggling to think of a time when I have suggested/recommended/given a book/movie/music/whatever to someone and asked them more than once if they had watched/read/listened to/whatever. I sometimes never even ask. I do not agree that you should have asked all those questions in your "should have asked" paragraph. I don't agree with any and all of it but the first, *maybe* second inquiry. The rest is really quite obsessive. I'm surprised she hasn't given you a good 2 cents about it, TBH. She is tolerating a hell of a lot more than I would from anyone - ever. Ride or no ride - I would get out and walk if I had to be subjected to that every day. Honestly, my gut-level response to this story is why don't you leave her alone???
 

Slonaut

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I agree with TofuRobot. Don't try to convince people. Respect everyone's free will. You wouldn't want someone trying to convince you to eat meat. So let people be themselves. Be cool.
 
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Forest Nymph

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I agree with TofuRobot. Don't try to convince people. Respect everyone's free will. You wouldn't want someone trying to convince you to eat meat. So let people be themselves. Be cool.
Yeah since I don't want to be a racist or molest children and don't want White Supremacists and NAMBLA pushing their views on me, I won't push my views of racial equality and consenting sexuality between adults on them.

I think people like you should stop calling yourselves vegan. Mass agricultural murder and climate change aren't things to be cool about. If you think being cool is the pinnacle of existence maybe you should emotionally leave high school.

To the OP: stop giving this passive aggressive liar a ride home. Problem solved. She's not your friend.
 
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