My husband‘s family terrorizing us

rusiks

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Hi everyone!
So I am vegan already for 2 years and lately (around 6 month ago) my husband transitioned as well!
We are very young family so he still contacting his family a lot. Everything has began with just stupid vegan hateful jokes (like they were asking him quietly but at the same time loud enough so I can hear em, if he wants to eat meat when I’m not looking and so on), then they were confronting me that it’s my shitty influence. I was crying a lot because I didn’t know how to explain everything to them.
Lately we have been reading his and his grandmother conversation on what’s app and she’s saying stuff like “U R A MAN U HAVE TO EAT MEAT DONT LISEN TO HER” and it’s hurts me af.
I’ve tried to explain veganism to them but I just don’t know how? What I should say to them?
My husband seems to be chilled and not giving fucks about what they say and keep going on a plant based diet.
Thanks and I hope to hear your opinions!
 
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TofuRobot

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And, if he can't, you do it. Seriously, tell them to shut the f up and mind their own lives and business. If they still want to run their grown son's life, tell them to readopt him. Maybe tell them you don't have a death wish on your husband's life, them slap them with a load of links to health information and all the other information you can find. Lastly, who says you must hang out with these toxic people? You have a right to say No. Maybe it's time to exercise it for your own mental and emotional well being.

Sorry - not in the mood to sugar coat anything today ;)
 

Jai

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I was going to suggest exactly a what TofuRobot said. Tell them to shut the F up.Not quite sure why you give their words power by being so upset about it. Your husband seems unfazed, and it's his troll family, so take a leaf out of his playbook
 
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Jamie in Chile

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Comments are a bit harsh. No messing about! It's hard to judge these situations though without being there.

I suggest telling your husband (when no-one else is there) that this upsets you and ask him to have a word with them, and then stand up for you later on. I mean when they are being mean to you when he is there, he should be interjecting to defend you, if he isn't already doing so, rather than leaving you to defend yourself alone.
 

Jai

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Comments are a bit harsh. No messing about!
Well these people are clearly a-holes. It's one thing to disagree with a person being meat-free, but to be so toxic about it, to the point of relentless bullying, and trying to turn her husband against her, these types of fools cannot be communicated to with rationale
 

Emma JC

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There is toxic food and there are toxic friends and there is toxic family.

I prefer to limit all of the above.

Lots of sympathy, for you @rusiks , as being younger and feeling vulnerable can be challenging. Try your best to be strong within yourself and within your smaller family and let their toxicity just roll off you. Stay off social media that is disparaging to you!!

hugs, Emma JC

ps If they are willing to treat you and your husband this way then it is unlikely they will ever have sympathy for the plight of abused animals.
 
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rusiks

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ps If they are willing to treat you and your husband this way then it is unlikely they will ever have sympathy for the plight of abused animals.
Yes, they are clearly don’t care about animal suffer and whenever I am bringing up this topic they are saying stuff like „ ur mini pig likes oven“ (because my pig likes warm places and sleeps near the oven) - HAHA SO FUNNY especially when 50 y. o lady joking like this. And they also are raising the smallest child to be super hateful and when we are taking he’s joking about my mini pig and hamburgers or smth like this, even though my mini pig is the kindest and smartest animal I’ve ever seen.
My mother is not contacting them as well because of this misunderstanding (she’s vegan for over a decade) but she can’t really help cuz she lives in another country:(
Anyway thanks for your support! I’ll be strong I promise. That’s nothing compare to what are the poor animals are going through every single day.
 
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Laura Monk

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I think the advice of telling his family to "shut the F* up" isn't really practical advice. Most people (including ppl above) won't walk up to inlaws and just blurt out the phrase "Shut the F* up" . Even if that is what we would LIKE to say. I think you need a handfull of GREAT comments and GREAT comebacks up your sleeve. Different assertive comments for different things they may say to you (or your husband). For example below...

Them: "Would you like us to slip you some meat when she's not looking?"
You or Husband say: "Nah, we prefer not to get cancer, heart disease or diabetes. But you go ahead!"

Other great comments:
"So, you actually like torturing, exploiting and killing animals & our planet." (No matter what they say after this, you can just keep saying that over and over and over again.)
"Yes, you do contribute to the suffering, because...You buy, they die."
"Until you watch EATHLINGS, COWSPIRACY, WHAT THE HEALTH, (add dozens more) Then I don;t want to hear your uneducated opinion."
"Eating meat isn't necessary. It's actually detrimental to your health."
"I can show you a long list of Olympic and medal winning athletes who are 100% vegan, and in much better shape than you." (This list in on the internet)
"You are just normalizing violence."
"You obviously don't care about other innocent living beings at all, and you obviously don't care about our planet."
"You obviously have done ZERO research on the matter. So, until you do, I would stop talking."
"Vegans have 15% lower mortality rate, 78% lower rates in diabetes, 15% lower rate of cancer, and live longer than meat eaters. So, who is the smart eater, hummmm??"
"If you knew what was in your meat, you would never eat it."
"Your ignorance is going to kill you."
"Processed meat is legally classified as a GROUP 1 carcinogen. Same level as asbestos and plutonium."
"Red meat is classified as a GROUP 2 carcinogen."
"9 of the top 10 killers in America are preventable with diet. So many people die from these diseases because they have no clue about what food is good for them and what food is killing them, I suggest you educate yourself so you don't become another statistic."
"The food industry is lying to you, and they hope that you don't educate yourself, so they can make money from you buying the poison, and then make money from the cure to that poison."
"You obviously know nothing about diet, health, or veganism."
"Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels!!"
"I don't need to 'respect' anything anyone does that tortures other living beings and destroys our planet."
"Your 'choice' had an innocent victim."
"So please explain why you despise someone so much who actually cares about saving the lives of animals and saving our planet and taking care of their health? WHY does that bother you so much?"
"Deep down you know it's wrong, but you refuse to admit it."
"One day, hopefully before it's too late, you will realize we are right and you are wrong." (All it takes is a little research to find this out.)
"Since when was activism done silently?" (If you are an activist and they criticize that.)
"Oh, excuse me for actually caring about my health, caring about animals, and actually being one of the few people that cares about our planet."
"Shame on YOU for eating animals. You should be ashamed to STILL be eating animals in this day and age of information."
"Having a dead animal rotting inside your body is bad karma."
"We are natural herbivores. Look up the anatomy on an herbivore, omnivore, frugivore, and carnivore... Humans are the LEAST like a natural carnivore. Look it up!"
"You can't say you love animals, and then torture, exploit and kill them when you don't have to."
"There is no GOOD excuse to eat animals... plenty of bad excuses, but no good excuses."


Also, there are several GREAT arguments you can use in your favor from the book called "Eat Like You Care". It's not a long book, and it covers every single thing most meat eaters say to Vegans, and how you can reply to them. I am sure there are also good articles on this on the web. I also have a youtube channel that narrates this book mentioned, if you prefer to listen to it in your car while you drive. I also have a video that explains the difference between Herbivore vs Carnivore. Hope that helps!!!

PS - I agree that your husband should say something that makes them feel too uncomfortable or too bad for continuing their behavior, such as "If you guys don't respect out cruetly free & healthy eating lifestyle, then we will have no choice but to stop visiting you." THAT will probably make them stop.
 
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TofuRobot

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I think the advice of telling his family to "shut the F* up" isn't really practical advice.
Look, I don't talk like that to people, it was an expression. A legit thing to say, however, is "That will be enough." Or "I have heard enough thank you. If you refuse to cease with these comments we will be leaving." These are perfectly acceptable things to say to people to establish boundaries. You've got to let these people know that if you can't expect to be treated with respect you will not be spending time with them (then actually follow through with leaving).
 

Laura Monk

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I agree. So the later would have been more helpful advice :) They "key" is to follow through with the consequences.
 
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TofuRobot

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I agree. So the later would have been more helpful advice :) They "key" is to follow through with the consequences.
I guess it's a good thing I didn't decide to become a therapist. ;) ...I was actually just feeling her pain and venting along with her. Her post was actually helping me, I'm sorry if I fall short in the helping part sometimes. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
 
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Holistic-Healing

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There's some really great suggestions here... but I'm surprised that I didn't see any suggestions to simply stop associating with them. Stop going over, stop being around that toxic environment. Your husband obviously supports you by joining you in being vegan, but the family's behavior is unacceptable. Talk it over with your husband and the next time they invite you both over, decline unless they are respectful to your lifestyle. If they're going to be disrespectful, then don't go over. And if they don't respect you, don't be afraid to leave. Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to associate with them. Life is too short to allow shitty people in your life - and that includes family.
 

TofuRobot

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There's some really great suggestions here... but I'm surprised that I didn't see any suggestions to simply stop associating with them. Stop going over, stop being around that toxic environment. Your husband obviously supports you by joining you in being vegan, but the family's behavior is unacceptable. Talk it over with your husband and the next time they invite you both over, decline unless they are respectful to your lifestyle. If they're going to be disrespectful, then don't go over. And if they don't respect you, don't be afraid to leave. Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to associate with them. Life is too short to allow shitty people in your life - and that includes family.
That is basically the point of my first comment. :)
 
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Mommy2B

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Been there, done that. Best to ignore them entirely when they start in. Just turn your back and walk away or abruptly change the conversation. You won't get through to them no matter how much you "educate", fight etc.... If stupid/rude jokes and comments are ignored and not acknowledged at family gatherings, they will eventually grow bored with it and leave you alone. Might take a few years, but it'll happen.
 
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