Japan and single westerners

[Second Summer]

I came across this blog post that talks about what it's like to be a western (i.e. American in this case) woman living in Japan. Western males (esp. nerds!) have the time of their lives, whereas the women ... :

I was walking from work one Friday evening when it dawned on me that I’d been in Japan for nine months. I inwardly congratulated myself for having beat the odds. I’d proven my boss wrong. But as I trudged home to face another evening of reruns of The Office and left-over sushi from 7-11, I wondered at what cost. Most days I felt unattractive, unwanted and worst of all, unfemale. When not even a short skirt or slinky top attracted more than a passing glance and even construction workers, who could usually be counted on for a leer, regarded me with bored, blank expressions, I felt like a Martian. And very, very alone. Perhaps I’d been wrong not to leave when the last shipload of foreign women sailed away to brighter horizons and better dating odds.

Because the truth is that Tokyo’s a tough city to be single … if you’re, you know, a Western woman.

Read the full blog post: No Sex in the City: What It’s Like to Be Female and Foreign in Japan (vagabondish.com - Reannon Muth, March, 2013)

 

[kibbleforlola]

That post is a pile of racist, gender essentialist, crap. I posit she couldn't find a date because she's an idiot, not because she's western.

 

[Envy]

Because Japan has an increasing amount of "herbivore men", namely men who doesn't feel the need to get themselves a partner and thusly never initiate things on a romantic level.

 

[das_nut]

That post is a pile of racist, gender essentialist, crap. I posit she couldn't find a date because she's an idiot, not because she's western.

There was a blog by an American guy in Japan, and he had one about dating in Japan, and how he misinterpreted some social cues as a lack of interest. He ended up changing his habits and managed to form a romantic relationship with a Japanese woman.

I just read part of this article to my partner, and she told me about a friend of hers who managed to find someone in Japan.

But I suspect it's easier to say there's something wrong with Japanese men instead of saying "oh, my behavior is screwed up, I need to fix it."

 

[SummerRain]

The little I know about Japanese culture, is that communication is generally less brash/straightforward than western culture. When I volunteered with international students we were told that Japanese students would be unlikely to answer questions directly - especially with a negative - and not to interpret it as rude / being ignored / being evasive.

I didn't warm to the woman in the article. Firstly, it seemed like either she was over-reacting or very sensitive - I'm not sure you can blame Japanese culture for 9 months of dating making you feel "unfemale"/unattractive/unwanted. But what I really couldn't get over though was how insulting she was towards men/western men and other peoples relationships.

If you’ve ever visited Asia, you’ve likely seen the pale, rail-thin, greasy-haired white boy walking hand-in hand with a perfectly made-up, mini-skirt wearing Asian chick. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin. But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law.

It's just so insulting. I get that she's probably trying to be outspoken/direct/un-PC... but it's just rude. Of course people she considers unattractive go out with people she considers attractive elsewhere in the world, and the fact that it happens isn't illogical (or... unevolutional?), it just means not everybody puts as much stock in what the western world consider as physically attractive as she does.

 

[Second Summer]

I agree that the author comes off as rather unlikeable and rude.

Regardless, occasionally even Barbies and morons have something interesting to say, so I'm curious if some of her observations are still correct. Do western men really have better odds on the Japanese dating market than do western women? Do Japanese males generally not find western women attractive? Are male "nerds" more appreciated by the opposite sex over there? And if so, why do these differences between Japan and western countries exist?

 

[Freesia]

When I went on a bus tour around Europe I didnt hit it off with the people on the bus and I had a really bad time. The only people who looked after me were 3 Japanese girls who roomed with me and were so friendly. I will never forget how much they helped me. They really made a difference to me.

 

[Freesia]

Maybe she just doesnt understand the dating culture of Japan. People are reserved there. It is kind of like that in New Zealand too, catcalling isnt that common and people tend to meet at house parties and barbeques rather than do formal dating

 

[Envy]

I agree that the author comes off as rather unlikeable and rude.

Regardless, occasionally even Barbies and morons have something interesting to say, so I'm curious if some of her observations are still correct. Do western men really have better odds on the Japanese dating market than do western women? Do Japanese males generally not find western women attractive? Are male "nerds" more appreciated by the opposite sex over there? And if so, why do these differences between Japan and western countries exist?

Young people in Japan tends to have a slight fascination with western foreigners in general.

 

[Freesia]

She seems really down on socially awkward guys which is really rude. What does she have against them? Perhaps she is jealous. It is the kind of blog I look at and I see some of the words and quickly close the tab before I get angry.

 

[ledboots]

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Maybe she just doesnt understand the dating culture of Japan. People are reserved there. It is kind of like that in New Zealand too, catcalling isnt that common and people tend to meet at house parties and barbeques rather than do formal dating

I agree wIth this. I have a couple of long-term male friends in Japan who I went to college with, and they liked the US and western girls. One married my friend ( with curly blond hair lol ) who now lives in Tokyo.