I'm struggling with my boyfriend not becoming vegan

Dbarton93

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I was vegetarian for a year then I've been vegan for the last 7 months. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and all that time I've wanted to be vegan but he's been against it but I decided to do it anyway recently because it was important to me. He has now come round to the idea and is happy with my decision and supports it and we don't eat meat or dairy at home but he shows no interest in becoming a vegan himself. When we go out or he buys himself lunch he always buys meat products cause he says he enjoys them. This is becoming increasingly stressful for me and I've expressed to him that I will be raising my kids as vegan and that it's not fair for them to see him eating animal products but he still doesn't seem to want to change. I don't know what to do because obviously I really care for him and don't want to break up but its very difficult for me to watch him making the conscious decision to eat animal products despite everything he now knows about my reasons for becoming vegan. Any advice would be hugely appreciated
 

Mom2vegan

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You certainly have a dilemma and it's a good thing you're thinking about it now, before you have kids.

As women, we always think we can change men. I've learned it doesn't work that way. My husband is not the least bit interested in being vegan or vegetarian and our relationship still works out. I've tried the vegetarian thing off and on during our marriage and now I'm trying to do the vegan thing and stick with it. It doesn't cause us major problems, but he's not my first husband and I did not raise children with him. I get annoyed when he says the things I cook are "missing something" and then adds some ham or cheese to his serving, but since we're older and not raising children it's no big deal.

Imagine the challenges you'd face day in and day out trying to raise vegan children with a non-vegan husband. It's hard enough when grandparents who are not vegan take the kids for a weekend. Imagine the daily struggle......if you felt very strongly about your kids never eating any animal products but your husband did not feel that way. If he was in a hurry to go somewhere and the kids were hungry, and you weren't there, would you be terribly hurt if your kids ate McNuggets? Is he a "guys' guy?" Does he have a lot of friends he hangs out with? If so, his friends aren't going to be supportive of the diet and people sneak animal products to kids all the time. If he doesn't care, he won't object. Will this lead to fights? What about Thanksgiving with the inlaws? If your husband was vegan it would still be difficult but if he wasn't and you were......would he have to go to Thanksgiving without you and the kids? What if you didn't get along with your mother in law and he went to Thanksgiving without you and the kids? That could lead to some major drama.

Are you willing to just be a good example and let your kids grow up seeing you not eating animal products and hope your example would put them on the right path eventually? That could work. Raising a child vegan is no guarantee they will continue to be vegan when they grow up........eventually they have to make up their own minds. There's a lot to think about!
 

mavrick45

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it took me 3 years living with a vegan before I made the switch

sometimes it just takes time

anecdotal, I know. your results may vary
 

Peaceful

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I'm of the belief that each have a fundamental right to make our choices, the best we can do is to make educated choices. I have children, two go to their fathers away from me, he feeds them dairy, meat, soda, and so much beyond just what they consume.

My kids have freedom to eat meat if it's around, they are such clean eaters have grown up with this exposure, not force. If you offer them a burger they may eat a few bites, but if there's fruit, veggies, fresh anything they're going for that, their palette is accustomed to fresh fruits and veggies, nuts and grains.

My choice to not eat meat and dairy is for my health. I feed them healthful foods because I want them to know what health is, to have good health!

Freedom of choice, education, exposure. That is my philosophy when it comes to everyone else.
 

Dizzy

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You can't change who and what people are. They can only change themselves and that comes because they want to, not because they've been guilted into it. My husband isn't vegan. He isn't 100% veggie, he does still occasionally have meat. It's not the end of the world - he doesn't have dairy milk or eggs but he won't give up cheese. Also, I married a non-vegan and if I try to force him to change he'd resent me very much.

I just gave it time - it took years for him to change to flexi, and then a couple more years for him to go mainly veggie. Sooner or later he'll get there but I think he has trained himself not to look behind the supermarket packaging and to see past the product to the being whose life was stolen to produce it. My job is to help him see without forcing him into a lifestyle he doesn't want to choose - yet.

With the possibility of kids it's different All you can do is raise them vegan so far as you can, and if your partner/his parents sneak them meat products now and again the world will not end. When they reach the age of reason they will choose their own path anyway - if they know the truth about meat production they will likely choose to be vegan. You just need to educate them in a way suited to their age so that they choose kindness as their path.
 
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FredVegrox

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I will say my perspective, as this goes for me as I am single and vegan. Either the love interest is to be interested in having vegan food and trying veganism, or will seduce you from living vegan ultimately, or it will be a doomed relationship. So I need a woman who can actually love me and live with me, as I don't claim it is so easy, to be vegan or seriously going to try it. There is reason to be vegan, the information should be looked at and there should be challenge to having better reason to not be vegan.
 

Dizzy

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I don't know; I think real love helps you find compromises and workarounds. I love my husband very much, and he loves me. We've been together a long, long time and he's still my very favourite person to spend time with. He cooks me vegan food happily, and checks all the food labels in the shops before buying and is enormously careful about anything he makes for me. If he's buying bath or shower products he checks the labels first - got to be vegan and cruelty free. I don't cook meat, at all, and I don't buy it. I don't let any animal produce in "my fridge", only in the "other fridge". Who is making the compromises?

He'll get there, but not if I push him too hard. Like most people if he's pushed too hard in a direction he doesn't feel sure about, he simply digs in his heels and says "no way". I take it slow and steady but I'll get him there eventually.