"I lied to my dad."

kazyeeqen

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There's no right way to parent. I don't know the context here, but I do remember the spankings I received, while not public, were positively mortifying as well as being temporarily physically painful. So I wouldn't say that was preferable to this.
 
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mlp

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Well, I would choose a private humiliation over a public one any time. That's been true all my life.
 

kazyeeqen

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Well, I would choose a private humiliation over a public one any time. That's been true all my life.

I choose no humiliation. :)

At least the father is visible here too, offering his own embarrassment at a disobedient daughter, putting himself in front of the scrutiny of others as an imperfect parent. With a private humiliation like a spanking there is only the two parties and one has all the authority over the other. Hard to get perspective that way.

I'm not saying it's right or good or anything, I really don't know. If I were a parent, which I probably won't be, I would probably not reprimand my child this way. But I don't know.
 

Pickle Juice

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My Dad hated the idea of spanking, so he tried something similar to this on me once. It was the single worst thing he could have done, and he knew it.

It is true that there is no single right way to parent, unless your parenting philosophy calls for knowing your children's personalities and natures better than they do themselves, and tailoring your disciplinary actions to the individual child, so that they become teaching tools, not soul destroyers.
 

kazyeeqen

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It is true that there is no single right way to parent, unless your parenting philosophy calls for knowing your children's personalities and natures better than they do themselves, and tailoring your disciplinary actions to the individual child, so that they become teaching tools, not soul destroyers.

That sounds good. :)
 

das_nut

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Without knowing the circumstances, I can't tell if I approve or disapprove.

Public humiliation is a strong dis-incentive. But without knowing what the daughter did, I can't say if it's disproportionate or not.
 
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All my relatives' established threat for lying is putting chili in your mouth (although I've never had it personally happen to me, it seems to be something my grandpa did to my mom and she just uses the threat still), so I think the sign would be preferable.
 
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mlp

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I choose no humiliation. :)

At least the father is visible here too, offering his own embarrassment at a disobedient daughter, putting himself in front of the scrutiny of others as an imperfect parent. With a private humiliation like a spanking there is only the two parties and one has all the authority over the other. Hard to get perspective that way.

I'm not saying it's right or good or anything, I really don't know. If I were a parent, which I probably won't be, I would probably not reprimand my child this way. But I don't know.

Ah, see, I don't see any embarrassment on the part of the father, especially not with that stance. I see him as someone who is quite sure of himself and what he is doing.

I wonder whether this was a big lie or a small lie. I suspect the latter, otherwise the sign would also make reference to whatever *sin* she lied to cover up.
 

KLS52

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Yeah, this is a tough one for me. I get why the dad would choose this...trying to find an effective alternative tool to help in parenting. I'm particularly sensitive to humiliation so I don't like it.
I have three adult children who turned out pretty well. We have a good relationship. I know I messed up more times than I can count. I think I erred more on the side of not being strict enough. I did a lot of talking/reasoning, probably to the point where they tuned me out at times. :lala:
Luckily none of them did anything majorly wrong...at least nothing I found out about, lol. And I'm fine with that considering they are good/decent human beings now. I just need the son to find a better job and move out!
 
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uno

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it seems a bit much. then again, i don't know how severe the lie was. i wouldn't do that to my kids, no matter how much i would like to. the public thing is a bit much for me.
 

Forster

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I'm not a big fan of public humiliation as I think it can build up a huge amount of resentment and may do more harm than good... that being said I am also a proponent of "situational" parenting and generally not in favor of limiting the options available to parents to make the punishment fit the crime. Having absolutely no idea what this child did or lied about I really can't comment on whether her punishment is "appropriate" or not, but if I were to hazard a guess, probably not appropriate.

If I lost trust in a child because of lying their activities would be severely curtailed and I'd check up on them constantly until I gained some trust back. The other side of the coin is if they were honest and I trusted them to tell who they were with, where they were, how long they expected to be gone and what they were planning on doing, they'd get more freedom.
 
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led.boots

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Exactly, Forster. When I found my 15-year old daughter lying about a destination, she had to call me when she arrived at places for awhile, and check in frequently. After a time, trust built up, and I could back off.

I saw a kid in the food court of the mall holding a sign that said he was messy and lazy and lied about it. He was about 12. I wanted to stop it, but luckily the mall cop took the sign away.
 
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uno

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Exactly, Forster. When I found my 15-year old daughter lying about a destination, she had to call me when she arrived at places for awhile, and check in frequently. After a time, trust built up, and I could back off.

I saw a kid in the food court of the mall holding a sign that said he was messy and lazy and lied about it. He was about 12. I wanted to stop it, but luckily the mall cop took the sign away.
getting in the middle of that would also not be a wise idea if the parent was around.