Health Issues How to admit you need help.

[kibbleforlola]

So, my own special blend of anxiety and depression seems to be getting the best of me. I think I may need to talk to someone. As in, a professional. Every time I have a "bad" mental health day, I think this, but then I get busy with life and I'm able to push it to the back of my mind; for a little while, at least. But I think it's time I really act on it - I'm starting to engage in some not-so-healthy behaviors. :\

So now that I've definitely made the decision, how do I have that conversation with others? We live in a society where seeing a therapist is seen as weak, or self-indulgent behavior. And I live with someone who thinks the best course of action, when I'm having a tough time, is to just pretend it's not there and lock himself in his office. That makes him sound really evil, but he's not. He just has absolutely zero idea how to handle situations, and doesn't understand that everyone doesn't have his ability to shake it off.

I suppose I could just not tell him and go anyway, but that seems like a shitty thing to do. And what about teachers/friends/others that may ask or otherwise need to know? How do I handle this?

 

[Alice-Bee]

Ive been feeling the same. I have an anxiety attack and think...I need to get this sorted but then when its over I ignore it.
I can relate with feeling weak for admitting you may need help...I think unless you suffer from a depressive illness you can never truely understand what its like. The advice to 'get over it' is never helpful but thats how 'normal' peole handle it I guess.
If you feel that you WANT to see someone then I think you should. It takes guts to admitt it and get to that stage. x

 

[kibbleforlola]

Thank you, and

I think the biggest hurdle is just doing it. I know that it doesn't make me a failure, and those that truly care won't think any less of me; but I still feel like I fail at life.

 

[KLS52]

I agree with Alice...that if you are starting to see that you are developing unhealthy behaviors, you should follow your instinct and seek professional help. As to whether or not to tell the person you live with, I guess it depends on whether or not you will be able to handle whatever his reaction is going to be. If you can flat out tell him that this is something you need to do and he isn't going to give you a hard time about it, then that's fine. But if he's going to react badly and not be able to accept it, I think I might keep it to myself. It really depends on what you think you can handle. You certainly don't need added stress over his reaction.

With regard to telling teachers/friends/others, that can be tricky, too. I only know from working with someone who is bipolar, that once it's out there, people will tend to judge every little thing you do.

I hope you you can sort it out and do what you feel is best for you.

 

[KLS52]

Thank you, and

I think the biggest hurdle is just doing it. I know that it doesn't make me a failure, and those that truly care won't think any less of me; but I still feel like I fail at life.

Well, hopefully, therapy will also make you realize that you are not a failure.

 

[Alice-Bee]

Thank you, and

I think the biggest hurdle is just doing it. I know that it doesn't make me a failure, and those that truly care won't think any less of me; but I still feel like I fail at life.

I know exactly what you mean. But Im sure youd be suprised at peoples reactions. As much as you feel it you are not a failure, you are strong and brave by saying you want change!
Perhaps with an offical diagnoses 'he' will understand and sypathise more.
M is a bit unknowledgeable when it comes to my condition. It wasnt till we started living together and I told him frankly how i feel some days that he started bing a bit more suportive. His way of dealing is just think about something else. Life is short make it count etc. I envy that.

 

[Lord Snot]

I've gone through the same.

I don't think anyone needs to know you're seeing a professional, even bf, if you don't want them to. If you saw a doctor for a problem with your body you wouldn't necessarily tell people, it can be the same when you see a doctor for the mind. If you do want them to know, you can just say "I saw a notice for a counsellor at school today. I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed with my workload and everything, I thought I would go and see if they can help me deal with these things better". It doesn't have to sound like a big deal.

Love you, hope you feel better soon.

 

[kibbleforlola]

Welp, I sent bf a text this morning telling him I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, his response was "do what you need to do". Thanks for the support.

I have to go see my teacher in about an hour and tell her why I didn't turn in my paper, even after she gave me extra time. I'm just going to say that my cold got worse, but if she probes, I'm just going to come clean. No use lying, and she seems like the kind of person who would understand. Still don't want to do it, though.

I wish I were better at holding myself together.

 

[ledboots]

Welp, I sent bf a text this morning telling him I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, his response was "do what you need to do". Thanks for the support.

I have to go see my teacher in about an hour and tell her why I didn't turn in my paper, even after she gave me extra time. I'm just going to say that my cold got worse, but if she probes, I'm just going to come clean. No use lying, and she seems like the kind of person who would understand. Still don't want to do it, though.

I wish I were better at holding myself together.

It sounds as if you are making a great effort right now! I'm glad you've reached out.

 

[Alice-Bee]

Perhaps that was his way of supporting you. Saying if you feel you need help then you should do it. Texts can be bad without context.

Im sure your teacher will understand, I find making more excuses about why work is late when Ive been suffering with an attack just makes the person less likely to believe when you are really ill. If that makes sence. Like the last time I was so bad I didnt do much work but I told the guy I had a cold...now he doesnt actually believe I have a cold here and now. eep.

Dont worry you have us, we can act like mental stickytape

 

[KLS52]

Sending you good vibes and some (((hugs))).

 

[kibbleforlola]

Thanks guys. I'm sitting outside the office now -she's talking yo someone else. Oddly, I'm not that nervous. I guess I'm resigned to my fate. But I do have another class in 20 min, so it may have to wait.

Hopefully I can get it all worked out.

 

[Alice-Bee]

Good Luck x

 

[Lord Snot]

Thinking of you.

 

[SummerRain]

Heya, just wanted to say well done really, the hardest part of mental health problems can be admitting there's a problem in the first place. It took me years to figure that out.

With the person you live with, it sounds like they just don't know what to do. Even other people I know who have mental health problems themselves find it difficult to understand, or to know what to do. My best advice would be to just say what you need, explicitly. For example saying to somebody, face to face "I know you find this difficult, but I'm having a really hard time right now and it would really help me if when I tell you I'm having a bad day, if you did X, could you do that please?" - obviously this person is not a MH expert so don't put on unrealistic expectations, but just asking somebody if they could listen when you feel bad to how you feel, or spend time with you when you're upset, or give you a cuddle and some reassurance, I think is the best thing for both of you.

In fact even with people who aren't so bad at handling things this can be really good, there's nothing wrong with asking for what you want, with saying "it would make me feel really good if you could do X for me". I don't know why we expect people to read our minds, and hug us when we need a hug, etc, without us asking.

If people need to know, I think the best thing to do is tell them privately. When I was in therapy at school I just didn't tell my teacher I would be missing half of his lessons and thought I was skiving and gave me a really hard time. Lots of hassle can be avoided by being honest - especially in a situation where the person is required to respect your privacy (i.e. professional people), with friends it's really a judgment call. I found telling a few close friends made my life easier, because I knew they'd keep it quiet, but also help cover for me if I wasn't in lessons to other friends, and also enabled me to talk about it a little so it didn't feel like a big secret, I could say "Oh I have to go to therapy today and I really don't want to" and it just didn't feel like a big secret that way which I liked. But I think it really depends on your friends.

I think it's good to take it slow - you don't need to tell everybody all in one day! Maybe it's even something you could talk through with the professional you're going to see. I think the most important thing of all is well done for accepting you need help and getting it, it's such a tough thing to do, but it really will make a big difference, and it's a really brave step to make

 

[kibbleforlola]

Thanks again everbody. Talking with my teacher went well. Now I just have to get that paper into her without freaking out over it again. I've decided that either tuesday or thursday afternoon is when I'm going to go to student health, I don't have any afternoon classes those days, so I can wait around if they can't see me right away.

 

[Alice-Bee]

Im glad you got sorted with your teacher. And I hope everything goes ok for you when you see someone whichever day it happens to be on.

 

[Freesia]

(((((hugs)))) there are more people with mental health problems than not that I meet these days. The modern world is not exactly great for peoples stress levels. There is nothing unusual about how you are feeling right now, I think a lot of people do but just try and hide it. And it is brave to seek assistance.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

Well done for speaking to someone.
Saying you need help is not an act of weakness, but one of bravery xxx

 

[Envy]

But what if you have a hard time trusting people?