How do you deal with people who don't support your lifestyle decision?

[Leigha]

I'm new to this lifestyle, but have been lessening my intake of meat and dairy over the past few years. In researching the horrible unethical behaviors by many in the dairy/meat farming industries, I've been moved to changing my lifestyle. When I share this and try to help friends to better understand, it's met with an angry response. And not just an angry response, but they don't believe what I'm telling them! lol They don't believe that the majority of industry factory farm practices involve the unethical treatment of animals.

How do you deal with people who don't support your decision or try to imply that you're motivated by your emotions, and not by facts?

 

[Chryssie]

Frankly, I don't go there. I may state that I am vegetarian and will very briefly explain why if asked ... and only if asked. I never try to "educate" as it often comes across as "preachy" and makes people defensive and sometimes angry as they feel they are being judged. I do understand the wanting to make people understand and spread the word but it is very possible to cause people to get angry. I do not like confrontation so... I guess I am a wimp!
That said... WELCOME !

 

[Leigha]

I think your way might be the better way. lol I don't want to come across as judging, because I ate meat and dairy without a thought to it all, so I understand that it can be surprising to some to hear this. When you hear information that is life changing, you just want to share it with everyone to help them.

Thank you for the welcome!

 

[Second Summer]

And not just an angry response, but they don't believe what I'm telling them! lol They don't believe that the majority of industry factory farm practices involve the unethical treatment of animals.

How do you deal with people who don't support your decision or try to imply that you're motivated by your emotions, and not by facts?

They don't believe you because accepting what you're saying as truth means they're hypocrites unless they change not only their thinking about animals, but also their habits. So they don't want to believe you, and since humans are generally more irrational than rational, what we want to believe is a more powerful factor than facts.

Who is motivated more by emotions - the person who's arguing that animals are not so unlike humans, and like us have inherent value, or the person who refuses to accept this while clinging to their bologna sandwiches, Happy Meals, coffee with milk, leather belts, purses and shoes, even with today's many non-animal alternatives?

 

[shyvas]

I don't make a big issue of of being a vegetarian. Most people don't even bother to ask why I don't eat animals.
The only statement that I usually hear is that it is in their culture to eat animals.

I find that the vast majority of people do not want to know what is going on behind the scenes at animal factories or slaughterhouses.

 

[AeryFairy]

Welcome to the forum!

How do you deal with people who don't support your decision or try to imply that you're motivated by your emotions, and not by facts?

Simple answer: I pretty much don't. Everyone who knows me well enough knows why I'm vegan, and they understand even if they don't agree.

 

[Andy_T]

Hello @Leigha , welcome to the Forum from my side as well!!!

I have encountered the same thing ... when I was new to veganism, I already tried to "educate" people around me...
Lack of others' enthusiasm for that led me to keep my motives and explanations to myself like most other seasoned vegans and vegetarians....

Best regards,
Andy

 

[PTree15]

Welcome to the forum!



Simple answer: I pretty much don't. Everyone who knows me well enough knows why I'm vegan, and they understand even if they don't agree.

This, for the most part, though if a new friend or acquaintance asks, I will answer, warning them that they might not like my answer.

 

[beancounter]

Similar to what others have said, I don't let people know unless I have to. If asked, I explain briefly in a matter-of-fact way and then I'm done with it.

It's just best not volunteer that you're vegan, unless you're prepared for a long drawn out argument.

As for people not believing you - I suggest providing them with facts and show them where to go online to get the information and judge for themselves. For best results, it's important not to send them to a website filled with venomous rhetoric, because if they get trolled online, they will blame you, and forever associate your beliefs with angry and unhappy people.

If they are simply defending their beliefs, don't waste your time. Only make the effort if they seem genuinely curious.

Now that I'm on a roll:
There are generally two types of Vegans:
1. Those that support you every step of the way and view any progress as a positive thing.

2. Those who expect you to be a "level 6" vegan by tomorrow, and if you don't, you are not worthy. (Note - this type of vegan is typically the kind of person you will find on the venomous websites mentioned above).

IMHO, stay away from group 2.

 

[Poppy]

Now that I've around the block a few times, I have quite a bit of ammunition up my sleeves in case someone gives me a hard time. The last time this happened was this summer at a friend's house. It was an outdoor party and there were burgers on the grill. My friend's husband, who I dearly love, made the mistake of showing me his medium rare burger and said something like "Don't you miss this?" And I was able come back with "Matt, you do know that all burgers have **** in them, don't you? I mean that's why you have to cook them to 160* - because if you don't, you end up eating raw ****." He looked at his burger and said "I'm really sorry I started this."

 

[MadamSarcastra]

Yeah, I'd have to say I think we'd all be in agreement in that no one enjoys putting up with "preachy"... for any reason. If it comes up, I tend to go into all the super exciting & colorful & healthy foods I've enjoyed making over the last couple years... always making new & interesting food discoveries.

You can't ever get people to willingly join "your side" by acting like a know-it-all or coming off like you're any better than they are. Instead, spark their curiosity & see where it leads! Make friends, not foes.

Oh, and a little ammo I found that really makes some folks think.... You can always find out if they respect & admire the likes of: Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Charles Darwin, Mark Twain, George Bernard Shaw, Carl Sagan, Plato, Buddha, Ghandi, Johnny Appleseed, Leo Tolstoy, Mary Shelley, John Coltrane.... the list of amazingly talented & deeply inspiring veg*ans throughout history is seemingly endless!

If you ever feel backed into a corner, you could always politely ask if they think they're smarter than Einstein. LOL!



The very best of luck to you, Leigha!! And when in doubt, remember... you never owe ANYONE an explanation.

 

[Leigha]

Thanks for your thoughts and feedback!! I'll be back tomorrow to reply to you more, the night got away from me. I read this earlier, and wanted to reply and got distracted! lol

 

[Amy SF]

My favorite quote: "I consider animals to be my friends, and I don't eat my friends." - Mark Twain

 

[MadamSarcastra]

My favorite quote: "I consider animals to be my friends, and I don't eat my friends." - Mark Twain

I thought that was George Bernard Shaw... In any case, it still rings true & I greatly admire them both. LOL

 

[Pirate]

My stock response when asked why is "I was vegetarian for a few years and it felt like the right thing to do. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of using animals for food" which is true but doesn't go into why. Most people accept that and only if they ask more questions (in an interested way) then I go into it. If you go into too much detail, people may perceive it as an attack against them - especially if they're an animal lover - and this can make them shut down. I don't doubt that these people love animals, but they haven't made that connection that you have yet and trying to educate them insults them.

I'm more of a kitchen activist - I guess I'm quite lucky that people are always super keen to try vegan food and then are surprised when it's not horrible haha.

If you're on Facebook I'd recommend following Vegan Sidekick. He posts comics of a lot of 'stupid' statements and it's great catharsis as I'd never respond in the same way in real life haha.

Welcome to VV and congrats on the lifestyle change

 

[kita]

Like others have said, you don't owe anyone an explanation. You are also very entitled to your emotional feelings. You can always tell someone you don't want to discuss it. No one says that someone who doesn't eat meat or eats plant based has to be the advocate for all things related to your diet or life style. Non confrontation is valid.

Sometimes at work when I'm eating something in the breakroom that could be mistaken for meat or dairy, I myself feel strange. But most people at work don't know I don't eat meat or dairy. So if they want to think that I do, I don't care.

I have found that many meat eaters are the ones that get defensive or have to say derogatory things to people who don't eat meat. Not the other way around.