How do I explain why I won't cook meat any clearer?

Would you, as a vegan, host a party with nonvegan food?

  • Nope. All the food will be vegan. Deal omnis.

    Votes: 15 78.9%
  • Yes, but only if I'm the only veg.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Yes but I'm not making any of it.

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • Yes and I'll cook it too

    Votes: 2 10.5%

  • Total voters
    19
  • Poll closed .

RowansMama

Newcomer
Joined
Dec 14, 2013
Reaction score
0
Age
35
Location
Pennsylvania
Ok, so I'm pretty frustrated right now...
I've been veg*an for about 8 years now and I come from a super unsupportive, meat and potatoes, "oh you know what would be good on that? Meat!" Type of family. So I've herd it ALL. Right? ... Wrongo! My husband isn't veg. And he comes from a slightly less unsupportive meat and pasta family. He is, despite his steadfast insistence in his body's inability to thrive without animal products, utterly supportive in every other way. And I adore him.... I tell you, lovely reader/less frustrated bearer of some obvious answer, all of this so you can understand that I usually do not get stumped.. When I tell you that this situation makes me want to rock in the corner , hum, and thump my noggin into the wall... I have never been so stuck in a crazy loop before.
You see my mother in law doesn't get it. I mean she really doesn't get it at all.

Before I became a mom I guess I just didn't care all that much if she got it or not but now I have a tiny little vegan that I want her to understand.

She's awesome. Treats me like one of her own. Really. And I love her. But she just doesn't seem to understand why I would not make her a nice turkey or maybe a hamburger if she came to my house. She so kindly makes me coleslaw with nayonaise and leaves out the animal products in my own special little dish when she makes macaroni ( spaghetti for you non Italians like me)... Because and I quote "that is what like and you make what people like for them..."
It's totally not the same thing right? Right. I'm not a crazy person right?... "But [ mother-in-law] I find moral issue with cooking meat. I assume you find no moral issue with leaving crap out of crap? No? I don't request it do I? " "No. I do it because I know you like it and I care about you." " ok so if I don't cook you meat I must not care about you?" " exactly." .... Seriously!?.... This would have been the end of it as they rarely(read never) come to our house.
But....
I'm planning my daughters 1st birthday. I'm hosting it. I'm catering myself... ( I like doing this kind of thing) and I decided... I've caved at my own parties too many times..( my own baby shower had very little for me to eat!) my little one is not going to go through that. From square one she is going to be able to try everything at her own party...
If I never mention that all the food is vegan... Would anyone notice? Probably. But I'm a damn good cook and I'm proud of it.... And omnis always say so if that don't go in expecting it to be gross ( when I find the guy that told all omnis that all food not slathered in Bessie and friends tastes like cardboard I'm going to first flick him really hard...( cuz that's the meanest thing I can think of? )And then I'm going to make him eat a big slice of my chocolate peanut butter pie!
I mentioned my plan to my mother in law... Why? Because I like talking in circles? Close... I want her to understand and accept why I will never ever cook her a turkey... So my daughter can maybe live in a world where no one expects( or even hopes) her to.
So how can I explain it so that she will understand that cooking animal products goes against everything I stand for? That it is not the same situation reversed?
 
Last edited:
I would just make and serve the food without any further comment to the MIL. If she makes a comment the day of the party, I would just smile and say what you've said above: It is your daughter's very first birthday party, and you want to celebrate it in a happy way with foods that eveyone can eat, including the birthday baby.

If MIL says things in front of other guests, I would just lightly say something like,"Well, veganism is becoming quite the trend everywhere, even in hedonistic Hollywood of all places! Did you hear about Beyonce and Jayzee?" And then Walk On By, busy with a party task.

I find that not discussing it is easiest; I just act like it's normal to serve food that has no death. (Which of course it should be, sigh.) I just say to any surprised guests that we are a vegan home, so we don't serve any animal products here. (But here, try my blueberry pie, or maybe a brownie?!)
 
Last edited:
I don't even like people bringing their own dairy into my flat, like a pot of yoghurt. :)

Perhaps you could mention some of the strange animal foods that some people eat around the world, like cat, and dogs, insect larva, tarantulas etc, and ask whether she would eat them when in their homes, and what she would say if they expected her to provide those types of food if they visited her.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kittendumpling
I would just make and serve the food without any further comment to the MIL. If she makes a comment the day of the party, I would just smile and say what you've said above: It is your daughter's very first birthday party, and you want to celebrate it in a happy way with foods that eveyone can eat, including the birthday baby.

I agree with this. I too have a non-vegetarian fiance, and when people eat at our house generally the food is vegan. Nobody minds - in fact people are usually surprised how good the food is and are happy to eat here, but I don't make a big deal out of it - I don't announce that it's all vegan or anything - I just quietly serve people yummy food, and they enjoy it, and that's that.

I think everything you are saying is what I would say, to be honest, and unfortunately your MIL just doesn't get it - I don't think there's a lot you can do. If she brings it up, I would just explain that you want everything at your daughters birthday party to be suitable for her to eat, because it is her birthday, and leave it at that.
 
The single best thing about hosting a party, imho, is that you get to be the boss of the menu. Cook whatever you like. Of course, as a proper host, you'll want to keep in mind any dietary issues and avoid things that might KILL your guests (like a nut allergy). But, seriously, you don't own any explanations, and we all know your food will be delicious, so have the party you want!
 
I agree with what everyone else wrote. Just make your own delicious food and don't draw attention to the fact that it's vegan unless you're asked beyond pointing out any possible allergens or food sensitivity triggers.

And the next time the conversation goes like this: "ok so if I don't cook you meat I must not care about you?" " exactly.", explain to her that you DO care because you refuse to serve anything that will, not only contribute to the death or suffering of an animal, but you won't be party to causing the ill health or premature death of a beloved member of your family since studies prove that veg*ns live longer than omnis. Sadly, I have always found that appealing to people's health, particularly when speaking to older folks, makes a far greater impression than animal suffering does.
 
I don't get why people assume vegan food is going to be either weird, tasteless or both. Before I went veg*n I often hosted dinner parties where I didn't serve any meat or animal products and noone batted an eyelid. They didn't seem to notice, or if they did they would say it was great not eating meat for a change. However! Now they know I'm 'officially' veg*n they are really suspicious of coming round for dinner.....

I think everyone else has given great advice and I would do whatever makes you and your daughter happy, which is doing vegan food for everyone and not making a big deal about it.
 
I don't get why people assume vegan food is going to be either weird, tasteless or both. Before I went veg*n I often hosted dinner parties where I didn't serve any meat or animal products and noone batted an eyelid. They didn't seem to notice, or if they did they would say it was great not eating meat for a change. However! Now they know I'm 'officially' veg*n they are really suspicious of coming round for dinner.....

I think everyone else has given great advice and I would do whatever makes you and your daughter happy, which is doing vegan food for everyone and not making a big deal about it.
I know, right? Yesterday I brought in a vegan peanut butter brownie to my boss that was leftover from a buffet I went to. She grilled me mercilessly on what went into it and how it tasted because I made the mistake of telling her it was vegan. I would bet she probably handed it off to someone else when my back was turned because she thought it would have no flavor.
 
I know, right? Yesterday I brought in a vegan peanut butter brownie to my boss that was leftover from a buffet I went to. She grilled me mercilessly on what went into it and how it tasted because I made the mistake of telling her it was vegan.
Exactly, Nightshade! I just made a curry for my stepdad who has absolutely no interest in food or cooking, but he kept looking into the pan, poking at it with a spoon and asking me exactly what was in it. I'm pleased to report he enjoyed the end result though ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Amy SF
Everyone has offered up some great suggestions. I, too, agree to the let your food speak for itself. I won't prepare anything that's not vegan, and no one seems to mind too much because they pretty much like whatever I make for the most part. I do bend when my sister comes; she brings her own cow's milk and cheese if she is so inclined, but I won't touch the stuff. My mom has said it would be nice to have Thanksgiving at my house but that it's not Thanksgiving to her without the dead flesh (my words, haha). I told her that I would not allow a turkey to be cooked in my house, and she took great offense to that, but then relented later and said she could see why that would be a problem for me. Some people do get it, but others, not so much. Everyone I know now understands that I will not cook anything that isn't vegan.
 
  • Like
Reactions: mary1
DSC05100.JPG
What did they say?

I had invited a few pals over for afternoon tea during the Christmas period. I made an assortiment of British bakes and goodies and a pot of Earl Grey tea. Everything looks very elegant and the food was delicious.

One of the guests had a taste of a mini cheescake ( a Martha Stewart recipe) and said that she couldn't possibly eat it as it made her feel sick ! Further to her reaction, one would have thought that she had been poisoned.

Her attitude made me feel so incomfortable, I just didn't know what to say. Furthermore she didn't even write me an e mail to thank me. I always make a point of doing this when someone invites me.

I remember posting this last year and I still haven't forgotten how rude she was.
 

Attachments

  • DSC05100.JPG
    DSC05100.JPG
    79.8 KB · Views: 182
That is awful, shyvas! Your spread looks amazing. People just don't think sometimes, and they can be so close-minded about trying anything different.
 
  • Like
Reactions: KLS52 and ledboots
That is awful, shyvas! Your spread looks amazing. People just don't think sometimes, and they can be so close-minded about trying anything different.

She made me feel so uncomforatble in my own home ! She knew exactly what she was saying as she is quite bitchy. The worst part is that she sparked off a chain reaction and another person said the same thing.
The moral of the story is ; do not come to any of Shyva's afternoon tea parties as her cheescake tastes like poison.:rolleyes:
 
She made me feel so uncomforatble in my own home ! She knew exactly what she was saying as she is quite bitchy. The worst part is that she sparked off a chain reaction and another person said the same thing.
The moral of the story is ; do not come to any of Shyva's afternoon tea parties as her cheescake tastes like poison.:rolleyes:
Ugh. That annoys me so much. It's like others can't think for themselves. They have to join in and participate in the negativity. It's pathetic.
 
What a horrible thing to say! It's one thing not to like something and politely put it aside, but to be so rude! Good for you for not inviting them again!