How can i help myself and my mum?

Rory17

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Hi,
This isn’t vegan-related (sorry). Anyhow, I’m a 23 year old female who is on the Autism Spectrum. I live part-time at home, part-time in supported living. My is often stressed and angry and it bothers me a lot.
Here are some examples of situations in which she might get angry:
* When I’ve eaten something that she wouldn’t approve of (I have a weight issue due to medication that makes me crave/want things that I wouldn’t normally be eating as much of).
* When I disobey her (I’m 23, not five. Besides, I don’t agree with the whole “I’m your parent, you will do what I say” approach, I prefer a more compassion-based approach to teaching respect for everyone).
* When I keep on about something.
* When I’m not doing what she wants me to do.
* When I dare to speak up against something that I don’t think is right (I tend not to do this anymore, for fear of her getting angry).
* When I ask her something when she’s busy.
* When she’s stressed.
* When I ask her something and the answer’s “no” (I get that sometimes the answer is “no”, but she needn’t so snarly all the time, a calm “no” response can be better than an angry one).
* When I’m upset (I have anxiety problems. I’m also very sensitive. I sometimes get upset and cry . She has been known to describe my crying as “sniveling” and “blubbering”, which are not very nice or caring, for when someone is crying with anxiety and wants support and compassion).
I know other young people get it much worse than I do, and maybe I could change my behaviour to help, but have you got any tips?
Please no mean answers. Any answers that I deem to be mean, offensive, abusive or illegal/immoral could be at risk of being reported.
Thank you to the moon and back.
Have the best day and night ever!
 

Nibbles

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Hi,

I am not sure I have any solutions - but I just wanted to reach out and say I'm sorry you are going through this. My husband is autistic and we used to fight when we first got together because communication was not easy. But after a lot of conversations- I think we have reached a better understanding of each other - and I'm so glad he has made me a better person.

I would suggest having a calm conversation with your mother, and explaining what upsets you. I think you should also mention that you want to have the conversation because you care about her, and want to make things better.

I hope it works out. I know it is not always easy, and sometimes you can't make a relationship work out. If it doesn't, you should find a way to distance yourself a little .. for better peace of mind..

Good luck..
 
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Rory17

Forum Legend
Joined
Jul 2, 2017
Reaction score
101
Age
26
Hi,

I am not sure I have any solutions - but I just wanted to reach out and say I'm sorry you are going through this. My husband is autistic and we used to fight when we first got together because communication was not easy. But after a lot of conversations- I think we have reached a better understanding of each other - and I'm so glad he has made me a better person.

I would suggest having a calm conversation with your mother, and explaining what upsets you. I think you should also mention that you want to have the conversation because you care about her, and want to make things better.

I hope it works out. I know it is not always easy, and sometimes you can't make a relationship work out. If it doesn't, you should find a way to distance yourself a little .. for better peace of mind..

Good luck..
Thank you . I have talked to her about this a lot, but I could try again today. Thank you to the moon and back.
May you and all other sentient beings be perfectly well, healthy, happy and safe forever.
Have the best day and night ever!
 
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