Helpful Advice on Things Not to Say - Pet Death

[shyvas]

The Worst Things You Can Say to Someone Who Just Lost a Pet | Care2 Healthy Living

 

[Pirate]

My Nan: "Yesss! Now it'll be easier for you to go on holiday"

 

[Amy SF]

When I told my mother that my cat Bear had died, she responded that she couldn't share my sadness with me because she was still mourning the death of my father, almost three years earlier. WTF?

 

[Scorpius]

When I told my mother that my cat Bear had died, she responded that she couldn't share my sadness with me because she was still mourning the death of my father, almost three years earlier. WTF?

Does she plan to be in mourning for the rest of her life? That's no way to live . . .

 

[Amy SF]

Does she plan to be in mourning for the rest of her life? That's no way to live . . .

Yes, actually.

 

[shyvas]

Yes, actually.

That is quite understandable given her age. I once knew a widow who lost her husband when she was in her early 30's. She never remarried or even went out on a date.

 

[Moll Flanders]

When my cat died a few years ago my psychologist asked me something along the lines of if I was going to get a new one.

 

[KLS52]

I think the awkwardness makes people say the wrong thing, sometimes. I'm sure I've put my foot in my mouth a few times. Luckily, now with the Internet, knowing what to/not to say ahead of time is very helpful. I find if I'm caught off guard or nervous is when I tend to say the wrong thing.

ETA: not to be interpreted that it's ok to say something stupid out of awkwardness. And to be honest, some people are just clueless and don't understand the bond that forms between some people and their companion animals. If they did, they wouldn't say the things they say.

 

[AeryFairy]

My Nan: "Yesss! Now it'll be easier for you to go on holiday"

When I told my mother that my cat Bear had died, she responded that she couldn't share my sadness with me because she was still mourning the death of my father, almost three years earlier. WTF?

Yikes! I know sometimes people don't know what to say but... wow.

My mother, to me about half an hour after my hamster died when I was 10: "Stop crying, it was your fault it died anyway"

 

[KLS52]

Hugs for everyone...

 

[Moll Flanders]

some people are just clueless and don't understand the bond that forms between some people and their companion animals. If they did, they wouldn't say the things they say.

+1.

 

[ledboots]

That is quite understandable given her age. I once knew a widow who lost her husband when she was in her early 30's. She never remarried or even went out on a date.

My mom is still mourning my dad and always will. They were married 54 years until his death. And now all her friends have passed, too.

 

[ledboots]

Yikes! I know sometimes people don't know what to say but... wow.

My mother, to me about half an hour after my hamster died when I was 10: "Stop crying, it was your fault it died anyway"

No, it was your mother's responsibility, not a 10 year old's!!

 

[AeryFairy]

No, it was your mother's responsibility, not a 10 year old's!!

I know that now At the time, though...

 

[Pirate]

I know that now At the time, though...

What a horrible thing to say to a ten year old

Yes, actually.

It's reasonable to still be grieving your husband after 3 years, but to be so upset you cannot mourn anything else is worrying. I hope your Mom is Ok.

 

[Amy SF]

It's reasonable to still be grieving your husband after 3 years, but to be so upset you cannot mourn anything else is worrying. I hope your Mom is Ok.

Well, based on this book I'm reading, my mother has narcissistic personality disorder, so everything always has to be about her.

 

[Tom L.]

AeryFairy- that was a horrible thing for your mother to say. (I know you and everyone here knows that, but I think some things just can't be said too many times...)

Now, there is one section in the opening post I have to take issue with:

5. That’s why I don’t have pets. Those short lifespans are too heartbreaking.

I’ll bet you almost anything that the person you’re talking to has thought (or even said aloud) that they can’t go through this pain again, and they just can’t have more pets. The years of joy and love our pets give us prior to their passing truly do make up for the pain we feel at the time of goodbye, but in the throes of grief, it’s hard to remember that. I know you’re just trying to commiserate, but if you don’t have pets, I’m certain it’s for more reasons than just the heartbreak at the end.

Actually, it's not just that their lifespans are too short... although I think they are. It's that I am not satisfied with end-of-life care options for animals.