Help. me.

JD123

Newcomer
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Reaction score
1
Age
31
Location
Peckham
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan newbie
I have recently joined this forum, which I have found incredibly helpful and I am loving the community I have found here.

I have now experienced my own traumatic event which I would like to share and ask for any advice and support from my fellow vegans.

This evening I was innocently having dinner with my good friend, who has known I am vegan for 3 years. He served me a corn on the cob, which of course I did not think twice about.

It was only when I was on my second corn on cob that I realised something didn’t taste quite right.
When I looked down at my plate I noticed melted butter. I asked instantly whether the butter was vegan, to which my friend replied that it was plant based. I thought nothing of this, and carried on.
At the end of the meal I asked what substitute butter he had used as I really enjoyed it.

It was then that he told me it was Flora.
When I said my face dropped that is an understatement. My heart broke.

I had eaten milk products. And worst of all enjoyed it.

Now I feel awful, I feel like a fraud.
What shall I do?
I feel sick to my stomach and I don’t know if it’s the dairy or the guilt.
Please VeganForum community, help me.
 

chickendminus

Newcomer
Joined
Mar 7, 2019
Reaction score
20
Age
23
Location
lawrence KS
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan newbie
Hey man,

Don't be so hard on yourself, or well- at all. You aren't a fraud... in fact, if anyone's a fraud here it's your "friend". Pardon my french, but seriously, WTF? What kind of a friend would do that? My imagination guesses that he isn't a Vegan/dislikes your veganism and for whatever dumb, selfish reason decided to sabotage your own in an effort to convert you to nonveganism. (Am I right?) Instead of beating yourself up for something that wasn't your fault, you should reevaluate who your friends are. A real friend would respect your lifestyle/dietary choices. This incident is really no different from slipping alcohol into a sober, (as in they don't consume alcohol), person's drink! Instead of being self critical, I hope you see it from this more objective perspective. Additionally, I hope you value yourself more than to have toxic relationships like this.
 

Three Chickpeas

Forum Practitioner
Joined
Jan 26, 2019
Reaction score
210
Age
34
Location
VA
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan
You did nothing wrong, it happens to everyone unfortunately. I would definitely examine the friend and make sure it was an honest mistake (Flora can be misleading for the casual consumer) and take it as an opportunity to educate them.
 

Meyersaurus

Forum Devotee
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Reaction score
63
Age
23
Location
Luxembourg
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan
I've had an (almost) similar experience lately. Me and my boyfriend were grocery shopping in a bio-market and he saw a bag of crisps (which said: herbs and tomatoes) and somehow I didn't even think about reading the ingredients, even though I usually always do just to make sure. After having eaten the bag, my boyfriend noticed a label which showed a symbol of meat crossed out saying vegan underneath, and he misunderstood it as "not vegan, contains meat" which he then told me as I was just driving the car. And I suddenly just wanted to vomit and cry because I felt so stupid for not double checking the product... It eventually was vegan though but it was a tough lesson for me to not become frivolous about this...

Anyway long story short, I know the feeling and it sucks. But remember that you didn't/wouldn't do it on purpose. Personally, I am sort of spiritual and I know some people might find this really weird or even ridiculous, but when I thought I had contributed to that kind of pain and abuse of an animal, I tried to mentally envision the animal I would/might have abused and apologize to it in my mind: "I'm so sorry to have caused you pain, I promise, I will never risk inflicting pain on you ever again"
It doesn't undo the mistake, but it soothes the guilt, I think
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Emma JC
OP
OP
J

JD123

Newcomer
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Reaction score
1
Age
31
Location
Peckham
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan newbie
Hey guys, thanks for the replies. I really do appreciate it. I didn’t think I’d even get one! I’ve seen how other forums treat new members.

It just made me feel really sick and I can’t stop thinking about it now.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking it?
I don’t really know any other vegans, which is why I’ve come to this forum to ask if any one else has felt like this?
 

Mbeth

Forum Practitioner
Joined
Mar 7, 2019
Reaction score
129
Age
48
Location
Pennsylvania
I hesitate to say you're overthinking it, because your thoughts and worries are always valid. But I think for your well-being it's best to find closure for this situation. Carrying guilt after taking steps to atone for it doesn't serve any purpose. Use the emotions you're feeling to instead power something good in your life!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Emma JC and poivron

rogerjolly

Forum Legend
Joined
Aug 12, 2017
Reaction score
491
Age
78
Location
Yorkshire
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan
Hi JD

Your post reminded me of an incident some years ago when I was in Spain with a “save the planet” organisation.

Another volunteer who was also a vegan was invited to spend some time with a group of Hare Krishnas.

He was under the misapprehension that such groups were vegan and unhesitatingly accepted an attractive dish of food. Half way through he learned that it contained milk. What to do? For all sorts of reasons from not wanting to upset his hosts to not wanting to waste food to taking the easy way out he decided to eat the rest of it.

The next day he told me that he felt as guilty as sin. Not because of innocently eating the first part of the dish but because of eating the rest of it knowing what it contained.

You were entirely innocent throughout. Afterwards you just might feel a bit of nausea but certainly there should be no sense of guilt attached.

Roger.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Emma JC

Forest Nymph

Forum Legend
Joined
Nov 18, 2017
Reaction score
2,203
Age
40
Location
Northern California
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan
Imagine you were a Christian, or a Jew or a Muslim. Imagine then your friend without your knowledge served you food made by an adulterous spouse, or by a compulsive liar under false pretenses.

Who actually sinned here?

The adulterous spouse, the liar and your friend. You just ate some food.

I feel bad for you but honestly I get annoyed when vegans do this. Eating trace amounts of animal products doesn't pollute your soul, cause you to sin, or even kill any new animals. Food served to you or donated to you by charity is technically always economically vegan, since you didn't purchase it.

You reacting this strongly to this is like someone imagining they'd get drunk or had sinned by eating food cooked in small amounts of wine.

Your friend is a jerk, and the two of you should have words over his disrespectful dishonesty, but you haven't done anything wrong.

Personal purity doesn't help the animals or the planet it only instills within you a sense of personal righteousness.
 
  • Love
Reactions: Lou

Tomas

Forum Practitioner
Joined
Apr 4, 2019
Reaction score
92
Location
EU
Lifestyle
  1. Vegan
I feel you are being a bit hard on yourself here.

Firstly: You didn't know and therefor couldn't do anything about it.
Secondly: You feel bad about the situation.
Thirdly: I guess products coming from animals can have a good taste, otherwise so many hundreds of millions of people wouldn't be eating it.

I understand your regret very well but there's nothing you can do to change what has happened. Best thing is to take this as a lesson for the future and let it rest.

Regarding your friend I can only say that I myself might be thrown off by a brand calling itself Flora --> which literally means "plant-life" so maybe he/she had the best intentions. Also, if you call him or her a friend then they will not have done it on purpose.