Deal breakers in relationships

Mikkel

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We have all different deal breakers in relationships. So what is yours? When do you turn your back to a potential relationship?
 
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When they hunt, fish or dislike animals. They don't have to have pets, but have to at least like animals. When they're racist , homophobic or religious. I don't think I could go out with someone who smokes either (although I have in the past). I can't take the smell (which clings to EVERYTHING) or having to wait on them to take a 'smoke break' if we're out doing things.
 
They don't have to have pets, but have to at least like animals. When they're racist , homophobic or religious.

Yes to all of these. I might be okay with a smoker as long as I could control myself around them. I haven't smoked in years, but I still get nicotine cravings when I'm around someone smoking. Hunting/fishing is a deal breaker, but yet if I did meet someone who does I would try to open their eyes to the cruelty of it.

Also dealbreakers:
anti welfare and anti abortion views
anyone that fat shames/size shames
hard core sports addict

someone that is extremely outgoing, likes to be the center of attention, and always has to be doing something
I can't date someone that has to constantly be busy or out doing something. I need someone who likes to relax and chill out. People that can't sit still or just be content with lounging on the couch after a long day make me anxious.
 
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Yes to all of these. I might be okay with a smoker as long as I could control myself around them. I haven't smoked in years, but I still get nicotine cravings when I'm around someone smoking. Hunting/fishing is a deal breaker, but yet if I did meet someone who does I would try to open their eyes to the cruelty of it.

Also dealbreakers:
anti welfare and anti abortion views
anyone that fat shames/size shames
hard core sports addict

someone that is extremely outgoing, likes to be the center of attention, and always has to be doing something
I can't date someone that has to constantly be busy or out doing something. I need someone who likes to relax and chill out. People that can't sit still or just be content with lounging on the couch after a long day make me anxious.

:yes:

I won't date a smoker or someone that has an alcohol related problem. No hunters, fishermen or men that don't like animals. To sum it up very few options out there for me. :D
 
Unkindness, arrogance, religious, unaware of the politics of oppression or unwilling to constantly be growing as a person (which probably goes back to arrogance).
 
I don't think I have any "deal breakers" as such. I wouldn't be attracted to somebody who was an unkind person, or arrogant person, or a racist person. The only things that would stop me from being in a relationship with someone I was attracted to and loved would be unfaithfulness and dishonesty - and the second one it depends on the situation somewhat anyway.

I always feel like having a picture in your head of the "right person" or things that would be incompatible with you can be counter productive, because people and relationships are complex. The person who I fell in love with, who is the perfect person for me, is not the person I probably would have told you would be perfect for me before we met - I don't think I understood what was important and what wasn't important in a relationship until I found a really good one. I have friends with lists of "deal breakers" - someones height, their job, how tidy they are, etc - and I think if I'd have done that I might have completely missed out on finding the person I love because I was so caught up in what I thought I wanted. If that makes sense.
 
^I agree with a lot of the posts.

They would obviously have to like animals as I have so many companion animals at home and must be kind, generous and honest.

I wouldn't be with someone who had very different political views and probably wouldn't be interested in someone who was religious although I do know religious people who I get on well with. One thing I really can't stand is a person who has a very puritanical attitude towards sex, those people creep me out and I don't trust them as I imagine they are deviant in some way.:D
 
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As Summer Rain said, there are some personality traits that would never allow me to be attracted to a person in the first place, such as bigotry or cruelty. So there wouldn't be a deal to break on those kind of things. But I do have a few things that, for me, would nip the relationship in the bud.

The biggest one would probably be someone wanting children. I definitely don't want them, I wouldn't want someone to feel like they were compromising or missing out by not having them, and I definitely wouldn't want someone to stay with me and just hope that I would change my mind. Or worse, try and convince me to change my mind.
 
I guess I thought of a deal breaker as something that would stop a relationship, but when you were attracted to somebody. Like "oh I really like them, but don't want to date them because X isn't acceptable" or "I would love to date them, IF they didn't do X" rather than just people you wouldn't want to date anyway.
 
I agree with pretty much everything posted in this thread so far. Also, I'd be turned off by someone who just can't, no matter how much I try to explain, understand why I am a vegetarian and why I don't plan to stop being vegetarian. I wouldn't mind dating an omni as long as they were cool with my chosen diet and didn't harass me about it. It would also be good if they understood the difference between a healthy diet and unhealthy diet, even if they insisted on staying omni, and was willing to eat healthy foods and not constantly be going out for Big Macs.

There is also the children thing: I'm 54 years old and don't have kids, can't have any naturally any more, not interested in adopting as a single parent, but I don't care if I dated somebody else with kids as long as they weren't immature brats spoiled by their parent(s).
 
Someone startet a discussion on an other forum, and wondered if people could date a vegetarian. And suprisingly many couldn't. So is just interesting to see what different people have as deal breakers. I don't think it's about finding the perfect boy/girlfriend, but things that just is impossible to comprimise around. A lot of things you get to know very early, but I guess something can be discovered after a while. ( As I see deal breakers, is when you start getting interested or dating a person, and get to know something that makes it no interesting to continue dating. )

For me the most importan thing is that we have quite the same value on things like animals, people and enviroment. But it's also important to have an active life, and want to be outside too, and that we have some interest in common. I couldn't compromise about my dogs example. They are here to stay, and to be spoiled. Homofobic, racist, nazi and such meaning about other human beeings had been extream hard to live with too. And drug / alcohol problems.

But I have one thing that most react on, and that is people that is too picky with food, and can't eat this or that because "they don't like". I love to cook, and to cook and share a meal with people is important to me. And if my potential girlfriend was asked for dinner at my home, and didn't want to eat anything, it most likely will have ended...
 
Moot point for me right now, but way back when... Had to be able to manage their finances, spendthrifts or piles of debt from poor decisions were out. No children from previous relationships (if I were dating now it would be no kids still at home). Had to be intelligent. Drug or alcohol problems, nope wouldn't have nothing to do with that. More to it than just those but those were the insta deal breakers for me. Needless to say the only person I dated for any length of time I married.
 
I definitely couldn't have dated anyone who was a drinker. I don't know how exactly to quantify that; just that culture of people who drink as a hobby is not anything I can have anything to do with.
 
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Not a vegan, racist, misogynistic, religious, ignorant, thinks the whole world revolves around them.