Anyone with a partner who suffers from severe depression. When I say "severe" I mean the clinical kind, the sort of depression that debilitates, needs treatment, and is a constant worry for those in a relationship with them.
Clinical depression.
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HappyRoxy
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I don't, however, I have had this kind of depression myself, in the past, and have a close friend who suffered terribly with it too.
Hi Roxy, I used to be a therapist; I'm not any more but you're welcome to message me if you want any info. I say "message" because I know how confidential these matters can be. I'm in the UK, by the way, and it's late here, so if you do message me, it'll probably be tomorrow before I get back to you.
My best friend had clinical depression. And we worked together. It was awful. I say was because I moved out of state last year and because of covid we haven’t seen each other in a year.
I don’t know how she manages to be honest. It’s very debilitating for her. And very stressful for me as an observer. On top of the depression she is also an alcoholic. I became very good at knowing when the alcoholism was taking over. There was always a pattern and she always ended up confessing and confirming my suspicions when I thought she was drinking again. She’s been under psychiatric care and different medications for years.
Even with all of this, she is the most caring and amazing person and has had such a good influence on my life.
I don’t know how she manages to be honest. It’s very debilitating for her. And very stressful for me as an observer. On top of the depression she is also an alcoholic. I became very good at knowing when the alcoholism was taking over. There was always a pattern and she always ended up confessing and confirming my suspicions when I thought she was drinking again. She’s been under psychiatric care and different medications for years.
Even with all of this, she is the most caring and amazing person and has had such a good influence on my life.
HappyRoxy
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Thank you for that. I've been working with a Life Coach for the past few months and that has really been helping me.
A dual diagnosis. It's often difficult to know which disorder drives the other. Sometimes, people with both depression and a drink/drugs addiction have a personality disorder that's really the cause, and which often goes untreated and even undetected. Nevertheless, personality disorder or not, those suffering from such problems are often very nice people!
She has been diagnosed bipolar with leanings more towards depression but I do think the drinking contributes to the depression. If I’m not mistaken alcohol is a depressant? She also has ADD and usually, when she has a manic episode, which is rare, it’s because she has skipped the Adderall. On top of the mental issues she was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease.
Sometimes when the depression is really bad, she intentionally skips the Adderall because it lifts the depression temporarily. Of course, then you have the other issue where she’s out of control. I remember Christmas shopping with her one time and she basically bought out the store and was very loud. It was somewhat embarrassing for me...people were looking at us...but she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was just drawing attention to herself. It was clear something was off. I can understand why that would feel better than being in such despair constantly. It’s unimaginable to me. I have had times where I think I might be a little depressed, but it’s always based on situations and never lasts more than a day or two. I cannot imagine waking up every day for years feeling hopeless and sad.
I’m so proud of her. She has had a tough life. I just love her to death. She is by far the best person I have ever met in my entire life. Kind of ironic considering. But I guess it’s not surprising that someone with such issues would be a kind and caring person. Probably they feel and care too much, if there is such a thing. And she’s super smart, too. She excels in her job and could run our office better than our manager.
Yes, BPD would explain things, which in some ways can be better than having a personality disorder, but don't quote me on that! BPD is much more to do with chemicals in the brain which can be helped by medication. Snag is, such medications don't work if you drink. Has she tried other therapies like meditation and mindfulness? The key word, as in all mental health issues, is "control." Either you try to control the disorder as best you can, or the disorder controls you!She has been diagnosed bipolar with leanings more towards depression but I do think the drinking contributes to the depression. If I’m not mistaken alcohol is a depressant? She also has ADD and usually, when she has a manic episode, which is rare, it’s because she has skipped the Adderall. On top of the mental issues she was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease.
Sometimes when the depression is really bad, she intentionally skips the Adderall because it lifts the depression temporarily. Of course, then you have the other issue where she’s out of control. I remember Christmas shopping with her one time and she basically bought out the store and was very loud. It was somewhat embarrassing for me...people were looking at us...but she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was just drawing attention to herself. It was clear something was off. I can understand why that would feel better than being in such despair constantly. It’s unimaginable to me. I have had times where I think I might be a little depressed, but it’s always based on situations and never lasts more than a day or two. I cannot imagine waking up every day for years feeling hopeless and sad.
I’m so proud of her. She has had a tough life. I just love her to death. She is by far the best person I have ever met in my entire life. Kind of ironic considering. But I guess it’s not surprising that someone with such issues would be a kind and caring person. Probably they feel and care too much, if there is such a thing. And she’s super smart, too. She excels in her job and could run our office better than our manager.
I don’t think so. Not with any regularity. She has attended AA for the drinking. She even invited me to a meeting. It was very eye opening. She also went to detox a few years ago. She really does try. I just think life gets in the way and when you’re working hard and trying to take care of a household alone, it takes it’s toll. So she always ends up sliding back when life throws a curveball.
The only other thing I can suggest is that if your friend isn't vegan she needs to eat as much oily fish as she can. DHA/EPA, which is the Omega 3 found in fish, helps the brain to function. If she is vegan, then she needs to find good alternative sources of EPA.
Interesting. She was vegetarian when I met her. She is the reason I gave up meat. Then a year later we attended a talk at the library given by Howard Lyman (the mad cowboy). He advocated veganism. I gave up eggs and dairy that very day. I Had no idea what I was doing lol. Lost a good bit of weight initially but it didn’t take me long to figure everything out. That was 2005.
She, sadly, went back to eating meat after her husband died a several years later. She started seeing someone who, unfortunately, was very toxic but she was grieving. He took on the role of caregiver and supplied her basic needs including household chores and doing all of the cooking (he wasn’t working). It was just easier for her to fall into that routine. But he was also a drinker and verbally abusive.
She’s doing much better now but still eats meat.
Her biggest problem is the drinking, as it inhibits her ability to deal with the BPD. Toxic relationships are common in such situations. The other thing is that you don't say how old your friend is. I say this because if she's approaching the menopause, or in it, then her problems are going to be exacerbated.
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