Children Anyone else broody?

[Lord Snot]

Maybe this place won't be as anti-child as VB

Me and Mr Snot both really want to start a family but I'm refusing until one of us is in a better paid job. I don't want to have to struggle like my mum did and like so many young couples do. I'm going to start looking for a better job in 2013 but even then it will be hard, as I am type 1 diabetic I have a big chance of losing the baby or something going wrong. But I don't think we will be able to adopt either.

 

[Envy]

I was that for 5 minutes yesterday, but then that feeling passed away.

It's best to be realistic after all.

 

[RascalsMom]

Maybe this place won't be as anti-child as VB

Me and Mr Snot both really want to start a family but I'm refusing until one of us is in a better paid job. I don't want to have to struggle like my mum did and like so many young couples do. I'm going to start looking for a better job in 2013 but even then it will be hard, as I am type 1 diabetic I have a big chance of losing the baby or something going wrong. But I don't think we will be able to adopt either.

I'm sorry! I know it must be frustrating to want to get your family started and feel like so many things are standing in your way! -hug-

 

[IamJen]

@LS, why do you think it will be hard to adopt? Because of the diabetes?

You can come and kiss and love on Freya if it helps. Heh. She's totally in a kissy phase...big, sloppy, open mouth deals. It will melt your heart.

 

[Lord Snot]

Not the diabetes, I don't think that would factor in. It's more our income. We can't afford for one of us to give up work and we don't have enough holiday between us to cover all the school breaks, nor money to put a kid in a nursery or with a babysitter.

I would love to come and snuggleglomp Freya

 

[lucky_charm]

I decided I sounded too whiny so I deleted my post...

But yeah I get the broodiness thing

 

[KLS52]

If/when I get broody, I just hope my daughter gets pregnant again and gives me a third grandchild.

This one better suits me, I think.

 

[beancounter]

It's smart to hold off until you are financially ready.

Just some thoughts as I was reading your post:

The school holidays won't start until the child is 5, so you would have a 4 year buffer until you had to worry about that.

Are there any state programs for low income people? Also, you can often find day care centers that will provide you with a "scholarship" which either pays for all or part of the cost..Those scholarships aren't always advertised. You would have to talk with the director.

This is going to sound awful, but often minority babies are easier (and less expensive) to adopt.

From my own personal experience, I recommend try to avoid putting any artificial barriers in your way. For example, my wife insisted that our child "grow up in a house" (as opposed to an apartment) which delayed us having children for about 5 years. And now in retrospect she realizes that an apartment is not so bad, and wishes we had started earlier.

 

[Forster]

I agree with the holding off till financially ready, but being financially ready can also be such a subjective thing.

 

[Lord Snot]

Lots of parents have said that to me, Forster, or that you can never be financially ready for a child. I'm not waiting until we're rich, just until we can *survive* with me on statutory maternity pay for a while and then paying to have the child looked after when I go back to work. The government do offer some help with childcare payments, I have to look into that a bit more. It's all confused by my husband not having a British passport, so although he is free to live and work here he can't claim benefits or benefit from any benefits that I claim.

Beancounter - thanks, some food for thought. If we adopted we would more than likely adopt an Indian child or half-Indian, since we're a mixed race couple ourselves and practise Hinduism at home. They like to place children in a family that shares their cultural heritage. We have to think seriously about this when we're in a financial position to do so, but it's not unlikely that we will end up adopting if we're approved. With diabetes, my pregnancies are always going to be very high risk and I'm likely to have one or more miscarriages. I don't know if I want to put us through that for the sake of having a biological child. My husband is very into adoption, since he comes from a country that is so overpopulated.

 

[AeryFairy]

Just wanted to say I really hope you're soon in a position to be able to start your family. It's always great when people are sensible and realistic, and make plans for their future with regards to how they will be able to raise a child. I bet you'll both be wonderful parents.

 

[MrsSchu2u]

Just wanted to throw 2 cents in on the diabetes portion. If you are well controlled and deliver by 38 weeks, chances are very high that all will be perfect. I had much lower weight gain and super healthy pregnancies because I worked so closely with my ob and endo to manage my insulin needs with both pregnancies. I have a friend who pumps who is due to deliver the first week in July. Most of the high risk for diabetics is in the last few weeks.

 

[Lord Snot]

Just wanted to say I really hope you're soon in a position to be able to start your family. It's always great when people are sensible and realistic, and make plans for their future with regards to how they will be able to raise a child. I bet you'll both be wonderful parents.

Aww thank you

Just wanted to throw 2 cents in on the diabetes portion. If you are well controlled and deliver by 38 weeks, chances are very high that all will be perfect. I had much lower weight gain and super healthy pregnancies because I worked so closely with my ob and endo to manage my insulin needs with both pregnancies. I have a friend who pumps who is due to deliver the first week in July. Most of the high risk for diabetics is in the last few weeks.

I can't be well controlled until (if) I get a pump. I'm fine when I'm awake, but when I'm sleeping everything goes crazy. I also really really don't want a Caesarean which I know is pretty common with diabetics

 

[Forster]

Lots of parents have said that to me, Forster, or that you can never be financially ready for a child. I'm not waiting until we're rich, just until we can *survive* with me on statutory maternity pay for a while and then paying to have the child looked after when I go back to work. The government do offer some help with childcare payments, I have to look into that a bit more. It's all confused by my husband not having a British passport, so although he is free to live and work here he can't claim benefits or benefit from any benefits that I claim.

IMO that is a perfectly reasonable goal to be financially ready so to speak. Survival is attainable.

 

[MrsSchu2u]

Do you mind if I ask what your last A1C was?

 

[Lord Snot]

Do you mind if I ask what your last A1C was?

I can't remember exactly, it was somewhere between 8 and 9%. I would want it about 6% before considering conception, and I imagine it will take a while to get things steady with the pump. Whichever way I look at it, it'll be a while before I consider taking my implant out.

 

[MrsSchu2u]

You have a plan, and that's great. It's so much to consider. I'd be happy to talk more about diabetes and pregnancy with you when the time comes.

 

[Mel]

I'm not really broody. I decided nearly 8 years ago that I wasn't going to reproduce again, and got surgery to make it official. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have another baby. Most people my age are only really starting their families now and here I am with a teenager only 2.5 years away from the age of majority.

Ok, maybe I'm a tiny bit broody, but it's not really an option.

 

[ElaineV]

I don't think we will be able to adopt either.

What makes you think you won't be able to adopt?